When to throw in the towel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just asking that question while working out. Obviously under different circumstances. I enjoy working out. I mainly do it because my gf loves how I look. But I’m getting old and tired. I love her. So I’ll keep it going for her, for now.

It might also be prolonging your brain and life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married almost 20 years. Passion left a while ago, now its barely anything other than I only hear about problems and when money is needed, no date nights, no intimacy of any kind and no interest from the spouse for any of those things. 3 HS age kids, all lead active and independent lives, that would probably rebound quickly from a separation of the parents.

Things have gotten worse since kids were home all the time from covid, wife became a full time cook and cleaning person for the kids. And Yes I cook, clean, grocery shop, run kids around and we have cleaning people once a week. The issue with that is that she doesn't make the kids do anything and fights with me when I make them clean up behind themselves, bring laundry down, empty trash cans and such. It is exausting. She works 1-2 hours a day from home. I work full time.

I need real communication and connection with my spouse or the person that I am with. Not interested in cheating, but can not be in a basically platonic relationship, that is strictly one way, anymore.

Does your wife have a part time or full time job?

I can’t tell if your comment of 1-2 hours of work a day while she takes care of the three kids at home and the messy house is a SAHM volunteer thing or a snide remark about how she spends her work manhours while you work full time somewhere.

As for kids and chores, call a family meeting and get on the same page.some teens are busy busy busy with good stuff. Or have ADHD and need a ridiculous amount of prompting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was there about 3 years ago. Divorce is expensive and disruptive. Just shun your spouse, toss the wedding ring, and start dating. That's what I did and it's been great.

It doesn't have to be but most people are too self-centered to do what's best for the kids; which model for them (in a healthy way) how to leave a relationship that no longer serves you. I hope you don't have kids. Shun your spouse??? Wow. Talk about a coward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was there about 3 years ago. Divorce is expensive and disruptive. Just shun your spouse, toss the wedding ring, and start dating. That's what I did and it's been great.

It doesn't have to be but most people are too self-centered to do what's best for the kids; which model for them (in a healthy way) how to leave a relationship that no longer serves you. I hope you don't have kids. Shun your spouse??? Wow. Talk about a coward.

Right? What a healthy way to handle things: shun your wife and go start dating. Clearly wife is the winner with this guy not around much.

[Anonymous]

she has a part time job working 1-2 hours a day. not a snide remark. kids know they can guilt and run her. she lets it happen.

[Anonymous]

No sex? It’s already past time to throw in the towel. You cannot stay sexlessly in a monogamous relationship.

[Anonymous]

^^ but if you still don’t want to divorce, your other option is to declare the marriage open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did marriage counseling for a bit. She only agreed with the Therapist about things I needed to improve on but ignored what she was supposed to work on.

I have told her how I feel, it's sort of shrugged off, with a mix of ok I hear you and who cares.

So you have your answer.

+1 Start getting your ducks in a row. As a start push her to work FT and then plan your exit over the next 2 years like the PP did.