If your own mother is the toxic one

[Anonymous]

My mom is nuts. My DH I think plays it right but I guess its also about knowing your spouse and what they need.

He is 10000% supportive of whatever position I take in a situation. He will not even consider acquiescing to anything even vaguely controversial that my family suggests without confirmation from me that its ok. He is there for me and supportive when I am emotional or sad about terrible things that they do. And on very very rare occasions that we have some large public fight and they cross a line he has stepped between them and me and said that the altercation needs to end or we are leaving. He has also made it clear to me (and I fully agree) that if they pull this level of crap in front of our kids that we walk immediately and perhaps permanently and my mom knows this.

So essentially, he privately has informed me of his own limits, allows me to set the tone and make almost all the calls, but steadfastly supports. But he would never intervene unless he felt like I was in crisis because he knows that it would just make things worse for me for him to be the cause of additional conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's your DH's place to defend you against your own mother. That's a huge overstep. If she's that toxic, cut her out your life and then it'll be DH's place to support you in that loss of a relationship.

This 1000%.

[Anonymous]

The sheer number of toxic mother posts makes me think the subject could have its own forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's your DH's place to defend you against your own mother. That's a huge overstep. If she's that toxic, cut her out your life and then it'll be DH's place to support you in that loss of a relationship.

This. This is the answer.

Blood handles blood. You deal with you mother, he deals with his.

If your mom is out of line, it’s your job to follow up with her, and like PP said, cut her out of your life if necessary.

This. It’s not DH’s job to handle your mother.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he’s gray rocking her. You need to stop being around her with your child if this is how she treats you.

Do you have a therapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's your DH's place to defend you against your own mother. That's a huge overstep. If she's that toxic, cut her out your life and then it'll be DH's place to support you in that loss of a relationship.

+1, it's your mother and you need to deal with her instead of sticking your hubby in the middle of this.

[Anonymous]

I think if your DH got involved and stood up to your mother, you'd be coming on here to complain how your DH and mom do not get along or that he doesn't like your mom, or some other drama that has ensued because he had decided to step into your mother-daughter conflict. He is being wise by not getting involved - he should only step in when there is outright abuse going on.