Is this behavior a personality disorder?

[Anonymous]

To answer your question, no, I don't think this is indicative of a personality disorder. I think it's grief. Grief does have stages and is very, very personal. You can't predict when the stages will hit you or how strong they will be. I agree with PP that Ruth is in the anger stage. I'm not saying this is easy for Pam's children. Death and grief are difficult and experienced differently by everyone.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like Ruth and Pam were very close until Pam's family came in and gave Ruth the old heave ho and didn't let her say good bye to her best friend.

Pam's family sounds mean. And Ruth sounds like she is grieving he best friend and has a lot of anger at the family for excluding her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like Ruth and Pam were very close until Pam's family came in and gave Ruth the old heave ho and didn't let her say good bye to her best friend.

Pam's family sounds mean. And Ruth sounds like she is grieving he best friend and has a lot of anger at the family for excluding her.

And I don't blame her at all. Ruth's family sounds like a holes and OP isn't far behind.

[Anonymous]

Ruth knows more than you OP. Her kids may have physically alternated weeks, but weren't present emotionally, spiritually or with a kind heart.

[Anonymous]

Definitely Personality Disorder. Pam's family, I mean.

[Anonymous]

I think Ruth behaved in an immature and petty way, but would NOT diagnose her with a personality disorder based on one story like this. Grief does strange things to people. Even weddings bring out the crazy in people. Ruth should have taken the high road, but it would have been a good thing to include her at the end unless her friend specifically requested family only. Now if Ruth was busy guilt tripping the family or acting like a diva they had ever right to tell her to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like, to Ruth, Pam was more than a friend. That would explain a lot this reaction to me.

That was my thought too. That she got cut out of saying. Goodbye to her significant other.

Crossed my mind and made me so sad to think of that possibly being the case

[Anonymous]

Grief. See how Ruth feels after time passes.

[Anonymous]

I'm thinking of my mom and her life long friend (literally from first grade) and, yeah, that was pretty hurtful. It probably also hurt her that the children didn't care for the mother more, because Ruth was likely privy to everything Pam ever said, experienced, and thought about the children. Add on a huge layer of grief, plus old age, and anyone would flip out.

Also I disagree with those insinuating a romantic partnership. Women can form very strong lifetime bonds that are not romantic, often closer than a spouse, more like a sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like Ruth and Pam were very close until Pam's family came in and gave Ruth the old heave ho and didn't let her say good bye to her best friend.

Pam's family sounds mean. And Ruth sounds like she is grieving he best friend and has a lot of anger at the family for excluding her.

They let her have a lengthy goodbye, then the final hours or handful of days were with the adult children. Did the adult children really not know much about Ruth?? Why not? Weren’t they friends for years and years, or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this type of behavior indicative of any one particular personality disorder? I’ve just watched in shock as this whole thing played out and I’m over here wondering what the heck it could be!

A family member, I’ll call her Ruth, had a lifelong friend, Pam. Pam had terminal cancer and caretakers, arranged by her out-of-town children, but Ruth liked to “fill in the gaps” where she thought the caretakers were lacking. Pam eventually took a turn and entered hospice care, and her children came back home to be with her in her final days. The family was openly thankful for Ruth’s love and care, allowed her a lengthy goodbye visit, but then requested it be family only until she passed. Up until Pam passed, Ruth couldn’t stop telling everyone how special Pam was to her and how much she loved her.

After Pam passed Ruth completely flipped out[i]. Criticized Pam’s children, [b]saying vile and awful things about them to anyone who would listen. How the children were terrible to her. After Pam died, Ruth refused to go to the funeral because she couldn’t be around “those ugly people.”

The moment she wasn’t in control, she flipped. Not the behavior of someone who claimed to love her friend so dearly.

Not knowing how many family members were in the hospice during Covid nor for how long, I think Ruth overreacted and said and did something’s she may regret.
Perhaps if she was allowed to rotate in through the hospice more offten - don’t know the policy there- this wouldn’t have gone done like this (name calling, skipping funeral), but who knows.

[Anonymous]

The children were grieving too, and so perhaps too inwardly focused in their grief. Some slack is due there as well.

[Anonymous]

Someone who “loves” someone doesn’t talk rude of their “loved one’s” children, while they are on their death bed. They don’t miss the services of their “loved one” out of spite. To me, it feels self-serving. So what if the children wanted alone time? Especially if Ruth had her lengthy goodbye? To turn like she did says something, but I don’t know what.

[Anonymous]

When my mom was dying, she requested her children only. Specifically requested that I tell her sister and BFF to go. Well, that was something. I'm sure they talked trash about me afterward, but if a dying person can't get what they want, then when can someone. . .

[Anonymous]

If this is uncharacteristic of Ruth, then I’d give her the benefit of the doubt and assume there’s more to the story that you aren’t privy to. Perhaps they did treat her or Pam unkindly, say awful things to one or both of them…you weren’t there. Rushing to diagnose her with strangers online seems pretty heartless.