5 year age gap - the good, bad & ugly

[Anonymous]

We have a 5 yr age gap between youngest and middle child, and 19 mon age gap between middle and oldest.

The short age gap is so much easier long term.

The 5 yr age gap is super easy as a baby because older child/children are at school.

It gets harder after the first year though. If you don't have a spouse with flexible schedule or family help or a nanny, it is very challenge to juggle older children needs and activities with a toddler. Toddler is constantly getting woken up from nap to pick older kids up or take them somewhere- which means you will get a super cranky toddler while you are schlepping them to soccer practice or piano lessons, etc. Then there are the family activities that are impossible to do with a toddler that your older kids will want to do. One parent will have to sit out or babysitter/grandparent will have to stay home with toddler.

We don't have extra help and my spouse works many weekends, so there are certain sports my kids want to do that I won't sign them up for. No travel sports, things with entire day tournaments, stuff like that. It is just the way things were for a while. Now the ages are 4,9,11 and it is getting easier as 4 yr old doesn't nap anymore and can somewhat participate in most things. But I would say all the kids are very close and play well together.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 6 and 2 and adore each other. They play together most of the time, have a secret language, get Ver concerned if the other is hurt, etc. I don't thibkni could have done it physically with a smaller gap.

[Anonymous]

I am 5 years older than my sister (I'm now 40) and we've just not been particularly close. I think when I started HS, I just really started doing different stuff and not playing with her anymore. Then she had several years living an only child experience when I went away to college (it also happened that my mom started staying at home around the same time, so it was really a different home life than I'd had). We weren't particularly antagonistic to each other, just distant. Just recently in the last few years as we've had kids and lost one of our parents and some other family members, we've become closer. But not besties.

[Anonymous]

YAY, congrats! My kids are that age gap. Honestly, it's been wonderful. Wasn't how we had planned it but God had other plans for us I guess.

Early on, this was my experience:

Good:
Older child is a lot more independent and can even help with some things (throwing away dirty diapers, finding the paci that bounced on the floor, go get a swaddle/burp cloth, etc).

Older child is so excited to be a big sister/brother and takes their role very seriously. Bringing the baby home was one of the most exciting/special moments with a 5 yearold around.

5 yearold was able to entertain baby for 5-10 min stints while I used the bathroom.

Little-to-no jealousy in my house - not sure if this will change as my younger child gets older and wants everything their older sibling is getting.

Bad:
Daycare/preschool/ES drop off logistics. They were in two different schools and it made commutes/morning routine a little chaotic.

I had to "relearn" some things that I had forgotten. Little things, like how to use the breast pump, how to swaddle, how warm to heat the milk, etc.

The baby gear we saved wasn't in the best shape. Just sitting in our attic for 5 years wasn't kind to all the plastic.

Ugly -
I feel like my body had aged a lot in the 5 years between my first and second. I got tired a lot more, didn't exercise, kept the baby weight on longer.

Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello - after 3 years of secondary infertility we are due in January! With that said it’s now occurred to me that we will have a 5(ish) year age gap between DD (5 in October) and the new baby DD. They will have their own rooms and we’re planning on getting a second car due to most likely having to divide and conquer with activities. What else? We are of course elated and our older child has bern asking for a sibling for a couple of years now. Would like to get ahead of it all!

Congrats! Honestly, just enjoy being pregnant and your new baby. Sometimes it is nice just to sit back and not plan.

[Anonymous]

My husband is 5 years older than his sister. I don't think they were extremely close when they were young children, but now they are close friends and also law partners together in a small firm. Our kids and her kids are good friends and hang out frequently. It's a really wonderful sibling relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YAY, congrats! My kids are that age gap. Honestly, it's been wonderful. Wasn't how we had planned it but God had other plans for us I guess.

Early on, this was my experience:

Good:
Older child is a lot more independent and can even help with some things (throwing away dirty diapers, finding the paci that bounced on the floor, go get a swaddle/burp cloth, etc).

Older child is so excited to be a big sister/brother and takes their role very seriously. Bringing the baby home was one of the most exciting/special moments with a 5 yearold around.

5 yearold was able to entertain baby for 5-10 min stints while I used the bathroom.

Little-to-no jealousy in my house - not sure if this will change as my younger child gets older and wants everything their older sibling is getting.

Bad:
Daycare/preschool/ES drop off logistics. They were in two different schools and it made commutes/morning routine a little chaotic.

I had to "relearn" some things that I had forgotten. Little things, like how to use the breast pump, how to swaddle, how warm to heat the milk, etc.

The baby gear we saved wasn't in the best shape. Just sitting in our attic for 5 years wasn't kind to all the plastic.

Ugly -
I feel like my body had aged a lot in the 5 years between my first and second. I got tired a lot more, didn't exercise, kept the baby weight on longer.

Congrats!

This was very close to my experience, except with my two DDs, now 9 and 4, the worst jealousy was DD1 being jealous of the attention/lower expectations on DD2. DD2 is jealous of DD1 but it can be managed more easily than DD1's resentment. I also had relatively similar pregnancies and recoveries after two births at 28 and 33. (And again at 35 when I had DS1, but that's not for this post...)

[Anonymous]

DD1 turned 6 in March and I gave birth to DD2 in April. The older one adores the baby and enjoys helping out with everything she possibly can(bathing, diapering, feeding). I was never planning on there being that wide of an age gap; when first DD turned 3 I started actively trying to get pregnant again but had several miscarriages and decided to put it off for awhile.

But she loves being a big sister and I hope it stays that way.

[Anonymous]

Mine boys are 7 and 2 right now. It’s great! Very little jealousy and lots of love and snuggles. Older one could dress and wipe himself when the younger came along. Younger one adores the older but doesn’t compete for his stuff. We’re considering bunking them together soon.

[Anonymous]

I have 9 and 3 y/o daughters. It's been great for the most part- big sis adores her little sis and is very understanding and helpful. Sometimes she gets a little impatient as little sis is in her "three-nager" stage! There's not sibling rivalry as they are in very different phases. They play together better than I expected, but both of them are pretty easy-going kiddos. I always made sure that we do individual activities appropriate for the older daughter and spend lots of special mom-daughter time together. Drawback was going back to things like potty training after so many years, and hanging on to some of the little kid "stuff" in the house for so long.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I are five years apart and my kids (daughter and then son) are 6 years apart. There would be fleeting moments when we were kids where she'd pay attention to me and then ditch me for her friends or some cooler activity--such as when I was 7 and she was 12. I was so crushed because we'd have a great time playing and then she'd get a phone call or something and jet off and I was left alone to play by myself. I see that sometimes with my own kids. We didn't become close until I was in high school and she was in college and now we're the bestest of friends and very close. I'm not sure the same will happen with my daughter and son. They're not very close right now (as he's 6 and she's 12), but I do hope they become closer as he gets older. That being said, my daughter was super attentive to him when he was baby--so helpful, always getting him his paci blanket, bottle, whatever he needed. That all changed once he was no longer a baby.