Food preferences and family vacations

[Anonymous]

All of what you're describing is why we refuse to share a house with our relatives - we'll go to a resort together, but for our sanity need to not have people with such different preferences have that much say over what we eat/when we do things.

This forum has cured me of any stray thoughts about maybe giving it a try sometime!

[Anonymous]

I think you have the right idea of separate houses next time OP. I think sharing a place works if everyone is laid back or if everyone likes to plan things out. It kind of sounds like you guys are a mix. She likes planned meal times but apparently does not think ahead about food (why didn’t she bring tomatoes if her kids like them).

[Anonymous]

You see me cutting this tomato for the salad, you see me right???
Her fingers would’ve been in a salad, diced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything doesn’t need to be together. You want to go on the boat ride at 11? Go and let them know when you’ll be back. You want to go out to eat? Go, invite them or go without them. It is best not to eat food that the other kids can’t eat ( it’s just rude), but it’s ok, because you’ll spend time away from them as well. A tomato? God, who cares, give her the freaking tomato if she wants it so bad.

+1. Just tell them the differences are stressing you out and so you'd rather do your own thing for breakfast and lunch, and most dinners.

[Anonymous]

And when someone tells me what I can or can't eat (chips, nuts) I would just laugh and keep eating. I cat picture anyone going along with something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You see me cutting this tomato for the salad, you see me right???
Her fingers would’ve been in a salad, diced.

Exactly this. Someone messes with me like that, while I am wielding a knife, they get slashed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well one tomato for 7 people is a bit hard to portion, but you could have said "Please just take half as there's only one for everyone to share"

Please only take half of my little tomato! I am trying to vacation and I only have this one little tomato to feed my family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You feed your family, she feeds hers. Nothing wrong with a schedule to feed kids.

+1 And take a chill pill, OP. This is a big deal only if you make it out to be. For heaven's sake, lighten up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You feed your family, she feeds hers. Nothing wrong with a schedule to feed kids.

+1 And take a chill pill, OP. This is a big deal only if you make it out to be. For heaven's sake, lighten up.

Found the SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re on a trip with DH’s sister and our two families: four adults and three children (ages 6, 6, 4). Fun!

In general we’re an ‘eat when we’re hungry’ family. Our dinner might be at 4:30pm if we had an early lunch, or we might eat after 7pm if we were out for the day. SIL’s family is a set meal time family: breakfast at dawn when their kids get up, lunch at 11am, dinner at 5pm, lots of snacks between meals.

For some reason, I find trips with them stressful because of the food situation. At 10am they’re wondering what’s for lunch. If their kids don’t eat the whole plate of food, they spoon feed them. They use sweets as rewards. Their kids are picky and prefer food on separate plates for everything, so each meal uses literally dozens of dishes. When we cook dinner, the second it’s completed, they fill up (multiple) dishes of food for their kids and ensure that their kids are eating before anyone else. Yesterday I was chopping a tomato for a salad and SIL scooped up the tomato and announced it was for her children … so no tomato for the salad because it was the only one, and no tomato for my child because her two kids need it all. I brought out nuts to snack on once, but SIL called them improper snacks. I munched on chips one evening and was told to put them away because her kids will see them and want them and she doesn’t like to say no too much.

AITA for feeling weird about the food thing? I know my examples above are minor annoyances, but it makes planning anything but meals difficult. How could we possibly take an 11am boat ride? That’s lunchtime! Sunset at the beach? No way, that will interfere with dinner!

If it were up to me, I’d eat out for most meals while on vacation. I don’t love cooking or cleaning or catering to demands about which bowls to use. But for household harmony I bite my tongue and do my fair share of cooking and cleaning. (I put my foot down on using three bowls for one bowl of cereal.) For future trips, can I propose separate houses? Do I just need to lighten up? Can I object to splitting the food costs 50-50 if they eat 75% of the food?

TL; DR - How does one handle trips with families that approach food differently than one’s family?

Let people parent their kids how they want. I am actually more like you OP, but my kids can easily be up at 7 asking for breakfast, so they are going to be asking about lunch by 10. So what? We also feed the kids dinner first so we can relax and enjoy ours. Is that wrong? Did SIL buy the tomato for her kids? Who bought the food? Also, sunset these days is at 8:30, and you said they eat at 5, so how exactly can’t you do sunset on the beach?

Look, I already said I’m more like you, but I don’t butt in to how my siblings feed their kids. I feed my kids, I clean up after my kids, done. She sounds ridiculous (of course you should eat nuts or chips whenever you want), but you would enjoy the trip a lot more if you realized none of this is your problem.

[Anonymous]

The multiple dish thing would be my limit. Seriously, who indulges crap like that??

[Anonymous]

Who bought the tomato? If I bought the tomato particularly for my kids who only eat like 3 vegetables and then you were cutting it up for a salad for the adults, I might be a little irritated. Dinner at 9 would also drive me bananas, as would a failure to plan for meals when kids are involved. And if she is washing the dishes, why do you care how many they use? Some kids who are future anxiety-sufferers (or who have adhd or asd) have issues with food touching. It’s not uncommon.

But this all seems like stuff reasonable adults could discuss reasonably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well one tomato for 7 people is a bit hard to portion, but you could have said "Please just take half as there's only one for everyone to share"

Please only take half of my little tomato! I am trying to vacation and I only have this one little tomato to feed my family

It was rude of the SIL to just claim it for her kids and her kids only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well one tomato for 7 people is a bit hard to portion, but you could have said "Please just take half as there's only one for everyone to share"

Please only take half of my little tomato! I am trying to vacation and I only have this one little tomato to feed my family

It was rude of the SIL to just claim it for her kids and her kids only.

I should add: unless she paid for it and the arrangement was that each family paid for their own food.

[Anonymous]

I think you are too loosey-goosey while your SIL is too strict. A little flexibility is good, but intentionally delaying dinner for a 6yo and 4yo until 9pm is pretty terrible. My sister is like you and thinks it’s so cool that her kids are super flexible, but she doesn’t realize that their many meltdowns and sad faces in photographs are related to being hangry!