How many times per week/month are you okay with your spouse going out?

[Anonymous]

We actually don't go out much without each other at night. We do meet our own friends for brunch or lunch fairly regularly though.

DH sometime goes out for a drink after work with his colleagues or some friends but usually he does not want to miss out time with our teens (he is the cook of the family), so he does not linger and is usually back to make dinner.

We share a few hobbies together so we usually end up hanging out with each other. We have a very good marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7/31. I don't parent my spouse.

You were in such a hurry to look cool, you misunderstood the question. "Let" is different from "are okay with." Being okay with doesn't indicate controlling your spouse at all. It's about how you feel as a result of your spouse's autonomous actions. I doubt you would be pleased if your spouse spent literally every night of the year socializing without you.

[Anonymous]

I never cared. Did not matter at all. Divorced after 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7/31. I don't parent my spouse.

But if they went out that often, would you ever see them?

[Anonymous]

Once a week if they are missing dinner/bedtime since we have little kids. More if its after kid bedtime. Once a month or so for a weekend day since we do family stuff. Sometimes its more and thats fine. I dont keep score. Dh loves spending time with us as a family and we so date nights plenty. I think him seeing his friends is important. They dont do bars though since the idea is to catch up and talk. Sometimes they do early morning coffee on Saturdays or a run etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7/31. I don't parent my spouse.

The rare well-adjusted adult around here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7/31. I don't parent my spouse.

But does your spouse parent? My issue would be being home alone with the kids.

[Anonymous]

When my kids were little, we routinely each took an evening each week to chill. I’d invariably meet my sister for dinner and cards, and he’d go to an open mike night somewhere to play music.

Now that our kids are grown, it doesn’t matter. We’re both often out separately and also together. We spend a ton of time together and home responsibilities are light, so it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Once a month maybe. He usually works nights and weekends and I think it would be totally unfair for him to leave the kids to go out more than that. If we didn’t have kids or he didn’t have an intense job I wouldn’t have a problem with three times a week, assuming we were still going on weekly dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once a month maybe. He usually works nights and weekends and I think it would be totally unfair for him to leave the kids to go out more than that. If we didn’t have kids or he didn’t have an intense job I wouldn’t have a problem with three times a week, assuming we were still going on weekly dates.

Actually I would take issue with three times a week if we had kids. Family dinners are super important so I would say weekends and maybe one weekend a month?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7/31. I don't parent my spouse.

But does your spouse parent? My issue would be being home alone with the kids.

This is ridiculous. You can’t be home alone with kids? Many women (including married working women) do most of the parenting home alone with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once a month maybe. He usually works nights and weekends and I think it would be totally unfair for him to leave the kids to go out more than that. If we didn’t have kids or he didn’t have an intense job I wouldn’t have a problem with three times a week, assuming we were still going on weekly dates.

I am a woman and think this is too controlling. I am surprised.

[Anonymous]

"Go out" where and whether home duties were being taken care of matter.

If it was going out to strip clubs every week, that would be a problem.

In our case, he's been going out to play tennis with friends 2-3x/week and it's starting to feel like too much, as we haven't had sex in two weeks. If he had time to give it to me, and we had time for a date night once a week, it would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once a month maybe. He usually works nights and weekends and I think it would be totally unfair for him to leave the kids to go out more than that. If we didn’t have kids or he didn’t have an intense job I wouldn’t have a problem with three times a week, assuming we were still going on weekly dates.

I am a woman and think this is too controlling. I am surprised.

Well I wouldn’t be married to somebody who thought it was okay to spend more time with friends than his wife and kids so I’m really not controlling at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once a month maybe. He usually works nights and weekends and I think it would be totally unfair for him to leave the kids to go out more than that. If we didn’t have kids or he didn’t have an intense job I wouldn’t have a problem with three times a week, assuming we were still going on weekly dates.

I am a woman and think this is too controlling. I am surprised.

Well I wouldn’t be married to somebody who thought it was okay to spend more time with friends than his wife and kids so I’m really not controlling at all.

And by that I mean I was okay with marrying somebody who would have a really intense job because I knew he would be seriously committed to having a good relationship with his spouse and kids. So it has never been remotely an issue. He actually does trips with friends more than one-night hangouts so it’s more of an every six months thing; most interaction with his friends is text messages friends and chats at work.