How do you monitor kids’s phones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I explain that it's mine, not theirs, and as such I can take it any time. Then I did and would read texts and look at who they are friends with on Snapchat, Tik Tok, Insta, Finsta, etc.

By 15 I wasn't really checking anymore. I didn't care if my kids cursed. The only thing they did that bothered me was being connected with kids whose handles denigrated women/girls or incorporated the N-word. I told them my feelings and let it go. My daughters have gotten d**k pics but my oldest came up with the solution of screenshooting it and re-posting so everyone would know what they did. Every single boy begged them not to do that, or to take it down once they did. We had many talks about pedophilia and legalities, etc.

My kids know enough to talk shit about other kids in person, not online where someone can screen shot it. But really, by 15, your kid should either be capable of handling their phone in a mature way, or shouldn't have one.

Completely naive to think it is this black and white. Even a responsible 15 year old is capable of making bad decisions online or unknowingly being preyed upon.

You know what? You're right. I think of it as black and white because I've had SO MANY talks with my kids about various ways people prey upon kids, and all the ways kids give away personal info without realizing it. They see these things coming a mile away now. They won't pose in social media picks in school colors, let alone uniforms, won't talk about what kind of car their parents have, give very broad answers about where they live "the Northeast, USA", etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I explain that it's mine, not theirs, and as such I can take it any time. Then I did and would read texts and look at who they are friends with on Snapchat, Tik Tok, Insta, Finsta, etc.

By 15 I wasn't really checking anymore. I didn't care if my kids cursed. The only thing they did that bothered me was being connected with kids whose handles denigrated women/girls or incorporated the N-word. I told them my feelings and let it go. My daughters have gotten d**k pics but my oldest came up with the solution of screenshooting it and re-posting so everyone would know what they did. Every single boy begged them not to do that, or to take it down once they did. We had many talks about pedophilia and legalities, etc.

My kids know enough to talk shit about other kids in person, not online where someone can screen shot it. But really, by 15, your kid should either be capable of handling their phone in a mature way, or shouldn't have one.

Completely naive to think it is this black and white. Even a responsible 15 year old is capable of making bad decisions online or unknowingly being preyed upon.

You know what? You're right. I think of it as black and white because I've had SO MANY talks with my kids about various ways people prey upon kids, and all the ways kids give away personal info without realizing it. They see these things coming a mile away now. They won't pose in social media picks in school colors, let alone uniforms, won't talk about what kind of car their parents have, give very broad answers about where they live "the Northeast, USA", etc.

Ok, that’s a good start. But you know there are dozens upon dozens of other ways kids can be hurt or negatively impacted by cell phone use, right? Go di a deep dive into your child’s phone, and I would be willing to bet you will find something on there that is alarming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No phones till they're driving then it's a flip phone. Nothing to monitor.

Texting

Some apps are sms based

Plus you're undermining the trust between you and your kod

NP. Not getting them a smart phone isn’t undermining their trust. They just aren’t necessary for a teen. But I imagine they have an iPad or social media accounts you would still have to monitor occasionally

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I explain that it's mine, not theirs, and as such I can take it any time. Then I did and would read texts and look at who they are friends with on Snapchat, Tik Tok, Insta, Finsta, etc.

By 15 I wasn't really checking anymore. I didn't care if my kids cursed. The only thing they did that bothered me was being connected with kids whose handles denigrated women/girls or incorporated the N-word. I told them my feelings and let it go. My daughters have gotten d**k pics but my oldest came up with the solution of screenshooting it and re-posting so everyone would know what they did. Every single boy begged them not to do that, or to take it down once they did. We had many talks about pedophilia and legalities, etc.

My kids know enough to talk shit about other kids in person, not online where someone can screen shot it. But really, by 15, your kid should either be capable of handling their phone in a mature way, or shouldn't have one.

Your daughter needs to be careful (depending on age). This could be considered distributing child pornography.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No phones till they're driving then it's a flip phone. Nothing to monitor.

Texting

Some apps are sms based

Plus you're undermining the trust between you and your kod

NP. Not getting them a smart phone isn’t undermining their trust. They just aren’t necessary for a teen. But I imagine they have an iPad or social media accounts you would still have to monitor occasionally

PP- nope. A desktop in the family room that everyone shares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I explain that it's mine, not theirs, and as such I can take it any time. Then I did and would read texts and look at who they are friends with on Snapchat, Tik Tok, Insta, Finsta, etc.

By 15 I wasn't really checking anymore. I didn't care if my kids cursed. The only thing they did that bothered me was being connected with kids whose handles denigrated women/girls or incorporated the N-word. I told them my feelings and let it go. My daughters have gotten d**k pics but my oldest came up with the solution of screenshooting it and re-posting so everyone would know what they did. Every single boy begged them not to do that, or to take it down once they did. We had many talks about pedophilia and legalities, etc.

My kids know enough to talk shit about other kids in person, not online where someone can screen shot it. But really, by 15, your kid should either be capable of handling their phone in a mature way, or shouldn't have one.

Completely naive to think it is this black and white. Even a responsible 15 year old is capable of making bad decisions online or unknowingly being preyed upon.

You know what? You're right. I think of it as black and white because I've had SO MANY talks with my kids about various ways people prey upon kids, and all the ways kids give away personal info without realizing it. They see these things coming a mile away now. They won't pose in social media picks in school colors, let alone uniforms, won't talk about what kind of car their parents have, give very broad answers about where they live "the Northeast, USA", etc.

Ok, that’s a good start. But you know there are dozens upon dozens of other ways kids can be hurt or negatively impacted by cell phone use, right? Go di a deep dive into your child’s phone, and I would be willing to bet you will find something on there that is alarming.

No need. I'm not going to write out every single tiny thing I've talked to my kids about regarding phone use. I would not be alarmed by anything I find. I know which kid is doing which stuff they are trying to hide from me. I just don't feel the need to call them out on all of it - they can have the illusion of privacy. They're safe, and not driving anyone to therapy or suicide. I'm satisfied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I explain that it's mine, not theirs, and as such I can take it any time. Then I did and would read texts and look at who they are friends with on Snapchat, Tik Tok, Insta, Finsta, etc.

By 15 I wasn't really checking anymore. I didn't care if my kids cursed. The only thing they did that bothered me was being connected with kids whose handles denigrated women/girls or incorporated the N-word. I told them my feelings and let it go. My daughters have gotten d**k pics but my oldest came up with the solution of screenshooting it and re-posting so everyone would know what they did. Every single boy begged them not to do that, or to take it down once they did. We had many talks about pedophilia and legalities, etc.

My kids know enough to talk shit about other kids in person, not online where someone can screen shot it. But really, by 15, your kid should either be capable of handling their phone in a mature way, or shouldn't have one.

Your daughter needs to be careful (depending on age). This could be considered distributing child pornography.

Your suggestion is coming in like 4 years after she started doing it. That talk has already happened multiple times. She knows.