Best Tips for Surviving 4th Trimester

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:17 here. I meant that I followed what those two methods said about setting a good foundation for sleep from day one. I.e. establishing a bedtime routine, getting enough calories during the day, daytime naps with plenty of sunlight and night feedings with lights very low, etc.

All that to say, I did start to do soothing rounds rather than night feeds by about 12 weeks, and my baby slept through the night 7-7 consistently very shortly after that. Maybe a week, max. And because of the foundation I set from day one, my baby slept from 7-4 or 5 am by about 8 weeks. Not consistently, but soon enough it was consistent.

So, shame me all you want but I have an excellent sleeper, a happy baby and a healthy, well rested family.

+1 I'm with you. I think people are reading "sleep train" as CIO, which I agree you can't do until 4 months. But there are lots of things you can do as far as no cry, gentle sleep training and learning, from essentially day one.

Another +1

Another +1 and I have three kids.

Also find what makes you feel human and do it everyday. For me this was showering/getting dressed. Do that. A lot of people just fall into the morass of overwhelming babydom. Remember who you are, do things that help you remember who you are.

Establish egalitarian habits with your husband NOW. Don't wait until a year because you are doing all the feeding/caring/soothing/whatever. No, that entrenches a disparity of effort that lasts FOREVER and destroys marriages. Equal distribution of labor starts when your baby is one DAY old not five years old. Seriously I think this is the number one most important thing you can do. The fourth trimester can establish mom as a primary caregiver and that will literally NEVER change. Don't let that happen.

Everything is a phase, even horrible things are phases.

Leave the house once every day or two.

Don't feel bad about doing something the 'easy' or 'lazy' way. Seriously. Its hard work, everyone who retains their sanity takes some cheats, don't feel bad about them.

Love your baby. Babies are made of rubber not glass and the only thing you can really do wrong is not love them. If you love them, you're good. And if you are feeling emotionally disconnected from your baby or still feeling bouts of significant sadness beyond weeks 4-6 seek out your OBGYN for some mental health support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:17 here. I meant that I followed what those two methods said about setting a good foundation for sleep from day one. I.e. establishing a bedtime routine, getting enough calories during the day, daytime naps with plenty of sunlight and night feedings with lights very low, etc.

All that to say, I did start to do soothing rounds rather than night feeds by about 12 weeks, and my baby slept through the night 7-7 consistently very shortly after that. Maybe a week, max. And because of the foundation I set from day one, my baby slept from 7-4 or 5 am by about 8 weeks. Not consistently, but soon enough it was consistent.

So, shame me all you want but I have an excellent sleeper, a happy baby and a healthy, well rested family.

+1 I'm with you. I think people are reading "sleep train" as CIO, which I agree you can't do until 4 months. But there are lots of things you can do as far as no cry, gentle sleep training and learning, from essentially day one.

Another +1

Another +1 and I have three kids.

Also find what makes you feel human and do it everyday. For me this was showering/getting dressed. Do that. A lot of people just fall into the morass of overwhelming babydom. Remember who you are, do things that help you remember who you are.

Establish egalitarian habits with your husband NOW. Don't wait until a year because you are doing all the feeding/caring/soothing/whatever. No, that entrenches a disparity of effort that lasts FOREVER and destroys marriages. Equal distribution of labor starts when your baby is one DAY old not five years old. Seriously I think this is the number one most important thing you can do. The fourth trimester can establish mom as a primary caregiver and that will literally NEVER change. Don't let that happen.

Everything is a phase, even horrible things are phases.

Leave the house once every day or two.

Don't feel bad about doing something the 'easy' or 'lazy' way. Seriously. Its hard work, everyone who retains their sanity takes some cheats, don't feel bad about them.

Love your baby. Babies are made of rubber not glass and the only thing you can really do wrong is not love them. If you love them, you're good. And if you are feeling emotionally disconnected from your baby or still feeling bouts of significant sadness beyond weeks 4-6 seek out your OBGYN for some mental health support.

Major +1 to all this, but ESPECIALLY the egalitarian part. So important!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never put baby to sleep anywhere other than a bassinet or crib. Get them used to sleeping on their backs on a solid surface. It’s easier when you start from day 1 vs transition later.

I do not agree with this. If your baby will only sleep in one place you are chained to house for most of the day. If he will nap in the stoller or carrier or car you can really be out and about.

[Anonymous]

Come up with a plan for your partner of things they can be in charge of. Example: Laundry, grocery shopping, diaper changes... whatever. I think it helps if they know what they what they should be doing. My husband was clueless and I didnt have the energy to delegate tasks. But it helped once he felt like he had a purpose too. My only regret is that we didnt establish that plan before the baby was born.

[Anonymous]

1. Set a schedule for overnight feedings with your spouse or partner, if you have one, so you each can rely on getting a solid 4-hour sleep block per night. My DH would do the 11pm feed and 1am feed, and I’d take the 3am and 5am ones. We switch based on how each of us felt, but we realized it was much easier to do two in a row than every other when it came to getting more solid sleep.

2. If you have friends or family who volunteer to stop by to see you and “help out” let them! This was a hard one for me because I would go into entertaining mode when people came over, but if somebody says to let them hold the baby so you can do XYZ, take them up on it. It can be hard to accept help, so may be out of your comfort zone, but do it.

3. I wanted to feel as back to normal as possible the first few months. For me that meant showering and putting on fresh clothes and a little makeup every morning. I’d watch the baby while my spouse got ready for work, then he would hang with her while I took 20 minutes to get myself clean and dressed. Even if I was just putting on leggings and a comfy top, knowing I was clean and wearing fresh clothing versus dirty pajamas made me feel great and ready to tackle the day by myself.

4. Everyone says “sleep when the baby sleeps” and if that works for you, do it. But if you are type A like me, you will feel much more calm if you use the time to do what you want. For me that was light cleaning, food prep, laundry. Maybe I had less sleep than if I had snoozed when the baby was sleeping, but I felt much more productive and accomplished, which did more for my mental well-being than a cat nap could do. So what works for you!

5. Don’t be afraid to leave the house. It sounds silly, but I was nervous driving the baby by myself the first couple of weeks or taking her out on errands. I got over that quickly and realized how much happier I was if I kept us both on a schedule. I had a summer baby so the weather worked out well, but for me I scheduled a morning stroller walk, one in the afternoon, and one in the evening. I do one outing a day, I run to the post office or to the grocery store. This was before Covid, so I felt a lot safer than it does this last year! but, it meant a lot to me to get us both out of the house, and really helped break up the day also.