Feel like we’ve lost our minds (pregnancies mentioned)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your thoughts. I just keep going back and forth, honestly. Our oldest and youngest are 6.5 years apart and adore each other, so, while it is a large gap, I know it wouldn’t be awful. Due to my middle son’s disabilities, I SAH anyway, so childcare isn’t an issue. I know the first 5 years or so would be challenging, but in the grand scheme of things it’s a blimp, and, as I said, siblings have truly been the best thing for our disabled son. I would LOVE another child, but I do worry about spreading our resources too thin. We did casually mention to our oldest the idea of having another sibling to gauge his reaction (thinking he may feel as parents we’re already not available enough) and he was beyond excited. Youngest has been regularly asking for a baby the past year. We have a lot of love to give another child. But, it’s not something we would necessarily be considering if we didn’t have the embryo already there.

I was already going to say were I you, I'd transfer. Reading the above, solidifies I absolutely would. You have the single embryo remaining so it is not as though you have multiple to make a decision on.

If you do not mind my asking is the disability more mental or physical, just curious if it is a learning disability or a physical impairment? Although I understand both can vary I can understand that physical problems where walking isn't possible would be much harder to with a new baby than say someone with a learning disability. Just my thoughts, but I also get you already had a child after the child who has the disability was born.

As a strong pro lifer I definitely understand not wanting to destroy the embryo and try to see what is possible.

Best of luck...I personally think a huge family is great, but as a mother of only one currently I know it will be an uphill climb to convince my husband to have more than two total!

Good luck!

OP here. He has a brain malformation, so every part of his body is affected. The amazing thing about the brain, though, is we see him meeting milestones, just at a delayed pace as his brain works to compensate for the piece that’s not fully formed. Walked at age 4, talked at age 8, still working on chewing/drinking, reading & doing math at grade level. Truly, his siblings are his best motivators and biggest cheerleaders.

I would not have another child. Put the money you would spend on IVF into an account for your disabled child.

Totally agree. Your child is thriving because of the time and effort you are putting into him. Splitting that time means he will get less, and that may be the difference between important milestones, greater self sufficiency, etc. Your current family, including the children that get less because your special needs child needs more, needs every ounce of love and energy. Don’t further divide that because YOU want a bigger family.