Stress about Letters of Recommendation 100% virtual kid

[Anonymous]

Some of these *posts* aren’t helpful. Not lists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HS Teacher. The fact that your student came back in person or not is irrelevant.

I have students in both groups for whom I would write glowing recs, and others who should know better than to ask me for a rec (I wouldn't agree to give them one). A few of the in-person ones are worse off in some respects, because the apathy and disinterest they show in person would have been better hidden behind a turned-off webcam.

OP here. Thank you for sharing your perspective! I feel like the lists above are just not helpful. I really had no energy to keep encouraging my kid to turn on cameras and go to office hours. Our situation during the pandemic has been just horrible and depressing. We’re at the end of our ropes. I feel incredibly fortunate my kid goes to classes and does well enough. I have zero idea if his camera is on or if he goes to office hours. He’s 16. I’m flat out of all energy. Signed, Barely Hanging On to My Job, My Health and My Sanity.

If you told him once, his counselor also told him once (I know my kids FCPS counselor made a big deal about the importance of setting yourself apart by showing maturity, excitement about learning (eyeroll) and responsibility during DL), and his teachers also told him at least once. He was on notice. It’s not your job to hound him every day. He’s 16, not 6. Either he took advantage of what was offered with a good attitude, did the work amd made the best he could of less than ideal— or not. And if by “well enough” grades, you mean not too far below 9th and 10th, then he probably did. It’s used so much on here it sounds snotty, but it’s not meant to be. If he really slacked off to the point he can’t get a decent recommendation, maybe he isn’t ready to go away for college and self regulate. In which case, 2 years of NOVA with guaranteed transfer to UVA, a WM or VT is an option. He’ll still get there. Just not the way he wanted. But, he’s too old for you to stand over all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HS Teacher. The fact that your student came back in person or not is irrelevant.

I have students in both groups for whom I would write glowing recs, and others who should know better than to ask me for a rec (I wouldn't agree to give them one). A few of the in-person ones are worse off in some respects, because the apathy and disinterest they show in person would have been better hidden behind a turned-off webcam.

OP here. Thank you for sharing your perspective! I feel like the lists above are just not helpful. I really had no energy to keep encouraging my kid to turn on cameras and go to office hours. Our situation during the pandemic has been just horrible and depressing. We’re at the end of our ropes. I feel incredibly fortunate my kid goes to classes and does well enough. I have zero idea if his camera is on or if he goes to office hours. He’s 16. I’m flat out of all energy. Signed, Barely Hanging On to My Job, My Health and My Sanity.

If you told him once, his counselor also told him once (I know my kids FCPS counselor made a big deal about the importance of setting yourself apart by showing maturity, excitement about learning (eyeroll) and responsibility during DL), and his teachers also told him at least once. He was on notice. It’s not your job to hound him every day. He’s 16, not 6. Either he took advantage of what was offered with a good attitude, did the work amd made the best he could of less than ideal— or not. And if by “well enough” grades, you mean not too far below 9th and 10th, then he probably did. It’s used so much on here it sounds snotty, but it’s not meant to be. If he really slacked off to the point he can’t get a decent recommendation, maybe he isn’t ready to go away for college and self regulate. In which case, 2 years of NOVA with guaranteed transfer to UVA, a WM or VT is an option. He’ll still get there. Just not the way he wanted. But, he’s too old for you to stand over all day.

Your post makes it sound like there’s nothing else going on the world. You don’t know our family situation, and I am so glad you don’t. My DD has a 4.4 W and a 1550 SAT. She is absolutely suffering from depression and anxiety and often just can’t bear to turn the camera on. These are extenuating circumstances. I think that’s what OP is trying to ask. I feel like that too. Depression and anxiety and barely hanging on are our lives every day. I also worry about rec letters. But we have nothing else to give. If you don’t have a helpful post, just move along and thank your lucky stars you aren’t dealing with a depressed teen whose potential you watch slipping away every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HS Teacher. The fact that your student came back in person or not is irrelevant.

I have students in both groups for whom I would write glowing recs, and others who should know better than to ask me for a rec (I wouldn't agree to give them one). A few of the in-person ones are worse off in some respects, because the apathy and disinterest they show in person would have been better hidden behind a turned-off webcam.

OP here. Thank you for sharing your perspective! I feel like the lists above are just not helpful. I really had no energy to keep encouraging my kid to turn on cameras and go to office hours. Our situation during the pandemic has been just horrible and depressing. We’re at the end of our ropes. I feel incredibly fortunate my kid goes to classes and does well enough. I have zero idea if his camera is on or if he goes to office hours. He’s 16. I’m flat out of all energy. Signed, Barely Hanging On to My Job, My Health and My Sanity.

If you told him once, his counselor also told him once (I know my kids FCPS counselor made a big deal about the importance of setting yourself apart by showing maturity, excitement about learning (eyeroll) and responsibility during DL), and his teachers also told him at least once. He was on notice. It’s not your job to hound him every day. He’s 16, not 6. Either he took advantage of what was offered with a good attitude, did the work amd made the best he could of less than ideal— or not. And if by “well enough” grades, you mean not too far below 9th and 10th, then he probably did. It’s used so much on here it sounds snotty, but it’s not meant to be. If he really slacked off to the point he can’t get a decent recommendation, maybe he isn’t ready to go away for college and self regulate. In which case, 2 years of NOVA with guaranteed transfer to UVA, a WM or VT is an option. He’ll still get there. Just not the way he wanted. But, he’s too old for you to stand over all day.

Your post makes it sound like there’s nothing else going on the world. You don’t know our family situation, and I am so glad you don’t. My DD has a 4.4 W and a 1550 SAT. She is absolutely suffering from depression and anxiety and often just can’t bear to turn the camera on. These are extenuating circumstances. I think that’s what OP is trying to ask. I feel like that too. Depression and anxiety and barely hanging on are our lives every day. I also worry about rec letters. But we have nothing else to give. If you don’t have a helpful post, just move along and thank your lucky stars you aren’t dealing with a depressed teen whose potential you watch slipping away every day.

It was not meant to be snotty. I’m sure a 4+W 1500+ kid will land somewhere. But every year kids have extenuating circumstances. Parents die, mental illness, etc., etc. Last hear wasn’t unique in that regard, except that the volume of kids increased. In fact, my DD dealt with clinical depression and medication trials this year. as a junior. But, No one can tell you that you or me they can tank junior year and it doesn’t matter. As has been pointed out, lots of kids were in person, doing well and are competing for spots— even in the DMV. Fortunately NOVA to a top VA college is a great option if your kid needs a second chance. It’s not a punishment. It’s an opportunity to turn things around and succeed.

I’m sorry your year was awful. But you’re right, most people’s were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HS Teacher. The fact that your student came back in person or not is irrelevant.

I have students in both groups for whom I would write glowing recs, and others who should know better than to ask me for a rec (I wouldn't agree to give them one). A few of the in-person ones are worse off in some respects, because the apathy and disinterest they show in person would have been better hidden behind a turned-off webcam.

OP here. Thank you for sharing your perspective! I feel like the lists above are just not helpful. I really had no energy to keep encouraging my kid to turn on cameras and go to office hours. Our situation during the pandemic has been just horrible and depressing. We’re at the end of our ropes. I feel incredibly fortunate my kid goes to classes and does well enough. I have zero idea if his camera is on or if he goes to office hours. He’s 16. I’m flat out of all energy. Signed, Barely Hanging On to My Job, My Health and My Sanity.

If you told him once, his counselor also told him once (I know my kids FCPS counselor made a big deal about the importance of setting yourself apart by showing maturity, excitement about learning (eyeroll) and responsibility during DL), and his teachers also told him at least once. He was on notice. It’s not your job to hound him every day. He’s 16, not 6. Either he took advantage of what was offered with a good attitude, did the work amd made the best he could of less than ideal— or not. And if by “well enough” grades, you mean not too far below 9th and 10th, then he probably did. It’s used so much on here it sounds snotty, but it’s not meant to be. If he really slacked off to the point he can’t get a decent recommendation, maybe he isn’t ready to go away for college and self regulate. In which case, 2 years of NOVA with guaranteed transfer to UVA, a WM or VT is an option. He’ll still get there. Just not the way he wanted. But, he’s too old for you to stand over all day.

I'm the HS teacher who responded at the top. Just want to clarify that I didn't write the last post.
Also, turning on cameras is nice for our classroom atmosphere but in my class at least has no bearing whatsoever on what I would consider in assessing diligence, work ethic, enthusiasm for learning (which few kids possess and no one can fake for an entire year) or ability. II think only one of my students out of 140+ has turned on their camera this year, and they're sweet and engaging but wouldn't get my highest recommendation. And coming to office hours only matters if it could help improve the student's performance or if the student has questions "above and beyond" about the material and couldn't get them answered in class (the latter hasn't happened in any of my classes this year).