My mom is an evil stepmother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The man was your stepfather. Can you explain to your mom what it would be like for you if she had died, and your stepfather had handled this the way she is handling it? I would 100% tell my mom that what she is doing is awful. I am not sure how you have responded so far, but you may be unintentionally causing her to feel supported.

My mom would be very difficult to budge in this situation. But I would clearly tell her how I felt, and reinforce it each time she brings it up with, "I am completely on their side about this, so it is best we don't talk about it."

Thanks. This feels like a script ai could actually use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go to your moms house and surreptitously look around for photo albums of their mom and just take them and give them to your stepbrothers.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s not willing to budge I would call the step brothers and just have a honest chat with them and let them know that you understand and feel for them and that you are trying to move things in the ‘right’ direction.

The birthday stuff is nonsense, and she knows it.

I agree with this approach. Depending on your relationship with your stepbrothers, of course. Frankly, it may not be that big of a deal to them at this point. And she may be the one making it an issue. She may just be unable to drop the rope and they feel abandoned by them. And, really, it’s largely their fathers fault. He very easily could’ve left them items in his well. I would just avoid doing anything that makes this a family drama when it may not be. Sure they may want a number of things, but they might prioritize not having to engage even more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My divorced mom remarried in my late twenties. Her husband was much more financially stable than she was when they married (my mom insisted on staying in our childhood home, which she could not afford, so she spent all her money on mortgage and home ownership costs).

My stepdad was a good man but he had a pretty fraught relationship to his two sons. He was gone a lot during their childhood, they had to move constantly for his work and he married my mom less than a year after their mother died from cancer.

He left all his assets to my mom, including sentimental things. My mom is now insisting that my stepbrothers don’t deserve any of the sentimental stuff or that they can just wait until after she dies because they 1) don’t call or visit her and 2) she has “more memories” of their dad using these items because she actually lived with him for 5 straight years, which they never really did, due to all his work travel.

I am just the bystander but even hearing only my mom’s self-interested version, she sounds incredibly cruel and selfish. That said, she is still grieving her husband. I don’t know whether to even try to be honest with her about how much I disagree with her approach.

I'm assuming sentimental stuff is small and light. If it is, you can just take it and give it to them...what's she gonna do, disown you?

[Anonymous]

First, I think you should stay out of it.

Second, please be aware that your mom can’t just give things away. There are tax consequences to that. If she gives away things worth more than 15k a year, she will have to either file a gift tax return using up part of her lifetime exemption, or pay forty percent in gift tax for anything over 15k.

Third, if these things are sentimental objects that she uses, like her sofa or desk or table - she shouldn’t have to give those up now. If it is the husbands watch, that may be a different story, but ask yourself this - why didn’t the father leave these sentimental items to his kids in his will? This is really his doing. Perhaps he didn’t want the sons to have them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go to your moms house and surreptitously look around for photo albums of their mom and just take them and give them to your stepbrothers.

Huh? Op didn’t say anything about photo albums. For all we know the kids want a Rolex watch or an expensive antique.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My divorced mom remarried in my late twenties. Her husband was much more financially stable than she was when they married (my mom insisted on staying in our childhood home, which she could not afford, so she spent all her money on mortgage and home ownership costs).

My stepdad was a good man but he had a pretty fraught relationship to his two sons. He was gone a lot during their childhood, they had to move constantly for his work and he married my mom less than a year after their mother died from cancer.

He left all his assets to my mom, including sentimental things. My mom is now insisting that my stepbrothers don’t deserve any of the sentimental stuff or that they can just wait until after she dies because they 1) don’t call or visit her and 2) she has “more memories” of their dad using these items because she actually lived with him for 5 straight years, which they never really did, due to all his work travel.

I am just the bystander but even hearing only my mom’s self-interested version, she sounds incredibly cruel and selfish. That said, she is still grieving her husband. I don’t know whether to even try to be honest with her about how much I disagree with her approach.

I'm assuming sentimental stuff is small and light. If it is, you can just take it and give it to them...what's she gonna do, disown you?

This is called theft.

[Anonymous]

I would straight up comfront her on this. She sounds horrible. She’s not their mom and they had no reason or inclination to call her on her birthday. This is one of those things I wouldn’t stay out of or put my foot down, even to the detriment of my relationship with her. Very sad and unfair to the sons.

[Anonymous]

Sentimental items are rarely valued at $15,000. Nice try pp. I would have a talk with my mother and tell her you are disappointed in her. I would talk to the sons too and find out exactly the items they are interested in. Your mother sounds like a terrible person. Sorry OP.