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Infertility Support and Discussion
Do you announce you're TTC?
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Anonymous
| Lord, no. I hinted to a number of people that I was trying for another, and that was well over a year ago. Now when I run into them they look at my boobs and belly trying to figure out if anything is going on . . . . |
Anonymous
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Took us two years to conceive (naturally). If you take anywhere near that long, the comments you might receive if people know you're TTC might be painful.
You don't need to tell family just to please them that you're trying to produce a grandchild/neice/nephew etc. |
Anonymous
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Good Lord no!
When the gap stretched between DC1 and DC2, I got really annoyed at distant family members asking pointedly why/when/how I was going to be pregnant again. Rude! I only replied that sometimes it wasn't that easy... So unless you can cope or enjoy an onslaught of well-meaning but contradictory/outdated/nosy opinions, please don't announce anything officially. Sorry to add, it is really uncouth to announce something that is all about sex, and at Easter brunch, too 
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Anonymous
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My advice: absolutely not! If it takes more than a few months to conceive, the last thing you're going to want is people asking how it's going, are you pregnant yet etc.
When people ask us if we're trying for #2, we usually just smile and shrug and say we're not in any rush. The reality is that we're trying, but we're a little worried (just got pregnant and miscarried after 6 months of trying) and don't want to talk about it. |
Anonymous
| I recommennd keeping it to yourselves..we have a lovely 2 year old daughter and both our parents are constantly asking about when we will have another. Last year we decided to tell them we were ttc.. It's taking much longer than expected and now we deal with the fact its public knowledge in our families that we're having a bit of difficulties. Last time I saw my sil she asked 30 questions about it.. when did we actually start trying? why do I think we're having a hard time? have we thought about fertility assistance, etc. so annoying. Keep the pressure off and keep it private!!! |
Anonymous
I second this.. |
Anonymous
| We didn't tell anyone that we were TTC. I didn't want the scrutiny. I also had 2 miscarriages between child #1 and child #2, and my family is not really educated on the causes of miscarriages (i.e. not the mother's fault). Had they known, I would have been inundated with, "well it never happened to me, is it because you are old?", or "you have been working too hard", or some other completely unhelpful tidbits - I know this because this has been the response to finding out about others' miscarriages. You just never know what you are getting into when you TTC -- it could be fast or slow, you may need to see an RE, you may have miscarriages. Who knows? |
Anonymous
oh god so true about m/c. people rarely know what to say in these situations. somebody asked me if i was sure it wasn't anything that i did (did you lift anything? did you eat something bad?). made me feel like crap. anyway hope the ttc is going well and you don't have any problems!!! |
Anonymous
| We told people, but separately, not at a family function. We also told them that we would prefer that they not ask because it is upsetting. They have been great about it - plus they no longer ask when we're going to start trying. (Whew!) |
Anonymous
| i can't think of a more awkward thing to do. Taking a few close family members into your confidence on the matter is one thing, making a full-blown announcement does seem self-important and clueless. In addition to a lot of the good points people are bringing up here, you'd also be opening yourself up to a lot of unsolicited TTC advice, a LOT. and a lot of it will be ridiculous. Then, if you don't follow the advice you're at risk for a "what's wrong, don't you WANT to have a baby? I guess you're not really trying after all" type remarks. not worth it! |
Anonymous
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Oh, please don't announce that you're trying! A good friend of DH's called him to tell him exactly that and while he was excited for her on the phone, he hung up and said "Ew. Kate just called to say that she and Mike are having unprotected sex. WAY more than I needed to know." Sadly for them, she had a clotting disorder that they had a hard time diagnosing and it took NINE miscarriages before she stayed pregnant with their son. (Things were much easier with the second because the issues were already ID'd.) The whole process was a lot tougher on her because EVERYONE knew what they were up to.
If someone is nosy enough to ask, you can respond however you see fit. My responses ranged from the oh-so-informative "yeah, we've talked about it" to "maybe in the next year or two" to "Can I get you another glass of wine?" |
Anonymous
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My stock answer is "at some point." And I say it in such a tone that implies that I have no desire to talk about this any more. But in a nice way
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