Elderly Parent Who Does Not Want to Move

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain why you think assisted living is better?

Are you under the mistaken impression she will receive a more watchful eye and oversight in assisted living? Because she won’t.

She is right to resist leaning. Living in an apartment in her daughters house is much better and healthier than assisted living. With the money saved from not paying for assisted living, you could hire part time health care aides to come in and be with her part of the time.

There’s this myth that assisted living is best for old people. Frequently it is not. I think the Smiths exist both due to marketing from the industry and because children want that to be true because they want to feel like they are doing the right thing by putting their parents in assisted-living rather than caring for them themselves.

I disagree. Assisted living in our case was the best thing to happen to our loved ones and us. They need to be making friends, and around peers. Yes, these places are understaffed, but burned out family members with aides who no-show is worse because you are doing in yourself and your own family you created. Our experience has been as long as you visit and communicate with staff, you can create a beautiful situation for all in assisted living.

[Anonymous]

Assisted living is not a good answer. Those places are notoriously understaffed and/or staffed with unqualified staff. Your mom is not going to get the extra attention you think she is. Maybe look at a small group home but not a large assisted living facility. They are FOR PROFIT and everything they do is to meet corporate objectives, not care for your loved one.

[Anonymous]

You can hire her basically a companion to check on her, make sure she is getting enough to eat, and help with cleaning and driving on a daily or several days a week basis.

Otherwise, it's her living there on her own until she has enough of a fall that she ends up in a hospital and rehab to assisted living, which is what happened with my parents. Make some plans and do some research now, before the inevitable happens.

Ironically, my mom would have done really well independent living continuing care community, because her main issue was with cooking and shopping, and she would have thrived with more friends. My dad, who "hated people" actually made a lot of friends when he went into assisted living, both among the staff and other patients. Too bad they wouldn't hear of it when it could have helped them stay semi independent longer.

[Anonymous]

And assisted living does not mean "nursing home."

Now it means apartments or larger rooms where there are staff to check on you and they provide meals..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assisted living is not a good answer. Those places are notoriously understaffed and/or staffed with unqualified staff. Your mom is not going to get the extra attention you think she is. Maybe look at a small group home but not a large assisted living facility. They are FOR PROFIT and everything they do is to meet corporate objectives, not care for your loved one.

You think small group homes are not FOR PROFIT?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assisted living is not a good answer. Those places are notoriously understaffed and/or staffed with unqualified staff. Your mom is not going to get the extra attention you think she is. Maybe look at a small group home but not a large assisted living facility. They are FOR PROFIT and everything they do is to meet corporate objectives, not care for your loved one.

There are 2 aspects we found to be absolutely vital"

1.) Social-so much better than being at home living for family or an occasional friend to visit and the aide sometimes only paid attention when people visited-otherwise on phone or napping (not all of them)

2.) Prepared meals (once they can't cook relying on meal delivery can be quite an ordeal)

Honestly we did not see better care aging in place and there is nothing like having peers to befriend.