Your kid got in but you know they aren’t ready

[Anonymous]

I can see some of what you are all saying due to the pandemic. I was just telling my husband this morning that I'm glad my DS chose to go back to school four days a week because he would literally lose his nose if it wasn't attached to his face. He needs practice getting up and out and having a full day of things to juggle, including where his stuff is, his water bottle, trumpet etc. It's good for him because it would be much worse transition to college if he didn't get back into the swing of things. He's super smart, book smart, but not so much on the common sense (says mom of a son who drove all over town this morning looking for his hydro flask - and didn't find it.).

[Anonymous]

In this area, parents over parent. They should know how to check email, make and keep appointments, pick up prescriptions, etc. we do t do them any favors by doing all this for them. OP start now - back off completely on most everything. Don’t do laundry, clean room, plan her schedule, but her gas, etc.... It’ll be less of a rude awakening if you do.

[Anonymous]

Buy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see some of what you are all saying due to the pandemic. I was just telling my husband this morning that I'm glad my DS chose to go back to school four days a week because he would literally lose his nose if it wasn't attached to his face. He needs practice getting up and out and having a full day of things to juggle, including where his stuff is, his water bottle, trumpet etc. It's good for him because it would be much worse transition to college if he didn't get back into the swing of things. He's super smart, book smart, but not so much on the common sense (says mom of a son who drove all over town this morning looking for his hydro flask - and didn't find it.).

I often hear similar stories from moms of sons. Have you read about executive functioning? He could have deficits in that area.

Consider Thinking Organized's "Next Stop College" program. It is not life changing, but gives tips, that children might not want to hear from their parents.

http://thinkingorganized.com/college-prep-college/

[Anonymous]

In some ways, I think that being cooped up at home with parents has frozen kid's development.

I sent my kid back to her college campus in part because of this. (Needless to say, she is much happier there, and has begun the vaccination process--yah!)

[Anonymous]

By Junior year I expect my kids (with my guidance as needed) to:

Buy groceries they’d like in house but not junk (I do pay for)
Fill car with gas
Know when cars need service, tags etc
Laundry
Make Dr and Dentist appointments and kept them
Keep their own schedules
Cook dinner for family 1x a week
Work part time
Budget- we give them a lump sum every 6 months they have to pay for everything out of it (clothes, sports equipment, entertainment etc)
Goal set. This week, this month, this quarter etc
Keep room clean
Call grandparents without prompting
Help out at home without asking (dishwasher , trash etc)

[Anonymous]

Don't harp on all the things your kid can't do or screws up.

That only undermines their confidence.

Give them small responsibilities (like making a doctor's apt) and praise them when they follow through.

Help them come up with little tricks to remember things. (My kid loves tech fixes.)

Again, it might help for you to read advice given to those with executive functioning problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but thank you for the encouragement! I worry my DD is not ready to manage a calendar! (Not about anything that recurs, like the classes, but about the odd appointments). And checking email! Etc.

If your child is not able to manage a calendar and remember to check email by the time they graduate high school, either there are executive function issues there that need to be diagnosed and treated, or they’ve have people doing that for them too much throughout their high school,years, and may benefit from some independence.

I'm still not great at managing a calendar and I'm a 40s successful professional. The kids will figure it out, or muddle through, or develop their own highly inefficient systems

[Anonymous]

What about kids for whom the issue isn't executive functioning, but more social and emotional maturation?

Any success stories?

[Anonymous]

Consider having them evaluated at Metropolitan Counseling Associates via their LaunchWell College Readiness Program. They have an online program and I think their associates can do assessments to determine if a student demonstrates college readiness. You can call and ask. They are wonderful to work with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By Junior year I expect my kids (with my guidance as needed) to:

Buy groceries they’d like in house but not junk (I do pay for)
Fill car with gas
Know when cars need service, tags etc
Laundry
Make Dr and Dentist appointments and kept them
Keep their own schedules
Cook dinner for family 1x a week
Work part time
Budget- we give them a lump sum every 6 months they have to pay for everything out of it (clothes, sports equipment, entertainment etc)
Goal set. This week, this month, this quarter etc
Keep room clean
Call grandparents without prompting
Help out at home without asking (dishwasher , trash etc)

The lump sum budget approach is interesting. May I ask how much you get for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By Junior year I expect my kids (with my guidance as needed) to:

Buy groceries they’d like in house but not junk (I do pay for)
Fill car with gas
Know when cars need service, tags etc
Laundry
Make Dr and Dentist appointments and kept them
Keep their own schedules
Cook dinner for family 1x a week
Work part time
Budget- we give them a lump sum every 6 months they have to pay for everything out of it (clothes, sports equipment, entertainment etc)
Goal set. This week, this month, this quarter etc
Keep room clean
Call grandparents without prompting
Help out at home without asking (dishwasher , trash etc)

This is #goals
I'm all for it!

[Anonymous]

My question about readiness is a bit different. DC got into a T20 school, and had the grades, score and ECs to get in ED. Until the pandemic, I have not been involved in DC's education, such as making sure DC's homework got done or directing DC's course selection. On numerous occasions, DC reject my advice to take an easier path, took harder courses, and excelled. Since DC got accepted to college, DC, who did not adjust well to online school, essentially stopped going to school and concentrated on one EC, at which DC excelled and set new national records. Connected to the EC, DC started a businesses and has made thousands, and could easily continue this next year and make around $30k+. DC's 3rd quarter GPA was less than 2.0, but with MCPS averaging DC plans to go back to getting straight As so college admission is not revoked.

Over the winter, DC and I discussed whether to defer admission if school was online next year. It was an easy choice- DC would take a gap year, stay home and make $$. Now that college plans to be in person, I am still not certain that DC will focus on college, as DC plans to continue the business to some extent while in college. I don't want to waste a lot of $$ paying for tuition et al while DC, who has gotten out of the habit of rigorous study, runs around earning money. At the same time, DC is pretty difficult at home, and it would be better for all of us if DC was away in school. When I have tried to discuss the potential issues and taking a gap year next year, DC makes it clear that DC wants to go to college in the fall.

Advice appreciated. I know this may be a 1st world problem, but I am not certain whether I am over thinking this and worrying about nothing out of the ordinary, or too afraid to recognize a potential disaster and being the adult and requiring DC to take a gap year, get the business out of his system and then go to college ready to focus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My question about readiness is a bit different. DC got into a T20 school, and had the grades, score and ECs to get in ED. Until the pandemic, I have not been involved in DC's education, such as making sure DC's homework got done or directing DC's course selection. On numerous occasions, DC reject my advice to take an easier path, took harder courses, and excelled. Since DC got accepted to college, DC, who did not adjust well to online school, essentially stopped going to school and concentrated on one EC, at which DC excelled and set new national records. Connected to the EC, DC started a businesses and has made thousands, and could easily continue this next year and make around $30k+. DC's 3rd quarter GPA was less than 2.0, but with MCPS averaging DC plans to go back to getting straight As so college admission is not revoked.

Over the winter, DC and I discussed whether to defer admission if school was online next year. It was an easy choice- DC would take a gap year, stay home and make $$. Now that college plans to be in person, I am still not certain that DC will focus on college, as DC plans to continue the business to some extent while in college. I don't want to waste a lot of $$ paying for tuition et al while DC, who has gotten out of the habit of rigorous study, runs around earning money. At the same time, DC is pretty difficult at home, and it would be better for all of us if DC was away in school. When I have tried to discuss the potential issues and taking a gap year next year, DC makes it clear that DC wants to go to college in the fall.

Advice appreciated. I know this may be a 1st world problem, but I am not certain whether I am over thinking this and worrying about nothing out of the ordinary, or too afraid to recognize a potential disaster and being the adult and requiring DC to take a gap year, get the business out of his system and then go to college ready to focus.

"Larlo, we are so excited that you will get to attend college in person this fall. As we agreed, your dad and I are happy to pay for your tuition, so long as you keep up a 3.0 GPA, since we think it's very important to focus on your classes when enrolled. Good luck, we can't wait to see what you do out in the world!"

[Anonymous]

I am glad he wants to continue on the college path. Tell him you think that is the right decision. BUT, set some expectations (regarding juggling the business).

For example, you could say that college is expensive, and his performance this year has shaken you a bit. You are happy he wants to prioritize college, but a little worried because he almost jeopardized that with his GPA slide.

You could tell him that if his GPA falls below a B in college, he is on probation (with regard to you continuing to support him). If he does the same the next semester, you would ask him to take a year off to assess his priorities. I think you need to give him a chance to prove he is ready. But keep him on a short lease, given your concerns.

Good luck.