Does anyone make a lot of money and not splurge?

[Anonymous]

I think it's reasonable to spend $1000 for private ski instruction for the kids. Why not? And why not buy a nice sweater or eat out? I agree with OP that the point of having money is to enjoy it and most people earning at that level would rather spend a bit to have tedious jobs like painting or housekeeping done rather than do it themselves. OP, I'm validating you. I think your husband should lighten up. If you can't spend some money on little things now, when are you ever going to spend it?

[Anonymous]

We make a bit more and live far below our means but we aren’t as frugal as you are. Partly that’s because we don’t enjoy handyman type jobs. Some people really do and in that case it seems fine to forgo paying for them.

[Anonymous]

OP, either you spend the money or the kids will do it for you. Take your pick.

[Anonymous]

At your income its time to splurge a little. When you get new cars, upgrade some. If a kid needs private or wants private, go for it. Find a balance.

We make half what you do but a lot of it is in RSU's so we don't cash out the RSU's and just live off actual pay.

[Anonymous]

Can't base it off of HHI. Op what is ~NW?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading this board sometimes makes me realize how frugal my husband is. Together we make around 700-800k. Yet we still live in our starter house, still drive regular cars, do not send our kids to private school, do not have any household help, have never flown anything above coach, don’t eat out at fancy restaurants, etc. I feel guilty buying myself nice things (like a $200 sweater).

I admit that some of this is me (I have no interest in cars or restaurants) but I’d definitely like to travel more. He always wants to go to the same places though, which I find boring after a while. I would be interested in buying a vacation house depending on where it was but he says it is too much work to maintain.

Even small things like time savers - I asked him if we could hire someone to paint the living room and he said he’d do it himself because otherwise it would be 1k to hire out. Another example is that our family skis. I’d like to hire a private instructor to take the kids so DH and I could do our own thing for the day and challenge ourselves/go fast instead of the constant start/stop of skiing with kids. It would be about $1k though and looks at me like I’m nuts.

Is this normal behavior and this board is just spendy? I feel like I don’t know what is a lot of money anymore. He thinks $1k is a lot of money to spend on painting a room or giving ourselves a fun day on our own on vacation. Whereas I feel like we can afford it?

Seems abnormally frugal. We are pretty similar, except we don't ski (no interest, but also, skiing is a pretty expensive holiday in its own right!). But, we only make about $350k gross. And even then, considering hiring a bit more help and even outsource some of our cooking to meal delivery service. (That is our biggest splurge) Doubling our HHI, we'd definitely spend more on things either of u valued.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get people on this board. OP, your husband is way too cheap. This is depressing.
We only make about 250k but we live better than you. We have house cleaners. My husband fixes something’s but we hire a painter if anything needs to be painted. Public school k-12 but we are paying full for college. We take one nice vacation a year - sometimes international. We always fly coach but if we were making 700k, I would upgrade to business class.
We also have a very nice house. Savings are on target. No clue why you guys are slumming it.

[Anonymous]

Agree with all the others. I'm frugal but this seems unusually frugal (and to what end?). What's your net worth? Sounds like it's going to be bumping up against estate taxable territory pretty soon. And who wants to work more in order to give the feds another 50% cut upon death?

[Anonymous]

We have a HHI of over $800k (fairly evenly split between the two of us) and basically, we live as we were raised (normal middle class). We moved to a normal middle class neighborhood and lifestyle inflation just never came for us. We both like to stay in Doubletrees. Our last vacation was to Chicago (booked something a little nicer, but on Hotwire). Our cars are almost 10 year old Toyotas. I don’t feel deprived, like you seem to. I feel the sweet glorious luxury of not worrying about money, ever, even a little.

[Anonymous]

I think this question is inherently subjective so will acknowledge that. Ultimately you and your husband decide on your spending norms.

My 2 cents though is that the items you’ve posed I do not consider unreasonable to spend on.
- $1000 to paint a room of a house is a fair price. If your husband wants to do this instead that’s fine. But there is a cost to that too. The hour picking up paint. The hour prepping the room, brushes etc... The hour painting. That’s 3 hours. What is his billable rate? Some people are handy and love a job like this though! So even though it isn’t an efficient use of their time they derive a sense of joy and accomplishment from it, and they might even be good at it!
- I would buy a $200 sweater
- I would spend $1000 on ski instructor. Also, group ski school is less expensive so that could be an option for you guys
- I would pay for household help. Again, if you are spending time on this that is time you are not spending on other things. You doing things doesn’t make it “free”.

I totally understand the mindset of doing everything yourselves. My parents were like this because every dollar really did count. At a certain point you might reach an income threshold, and it sounds like you have reached this threshold, where it is ok to ENJOY the fruits of your labor. Maybe it still feels like a splurge, but you really can afford it.

I guess my point is assess your values and where money can help you honor them. If family or couples time is really important and painting the house or cleaning takes up all that time for 2 weeks running then maybe it’s not worth it, especially if you also hate performing these responsibilities. If you enjoy it, well so be it.

[Anonymous]

He’s just cheap, full stop, no way to argue otherwise. Probably worships money for it’s own sake, and feels like he’s going to win life by dying with a huge nest egg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, either you spend the money or the kids will do it for you. Take your pick.

Or even worse some great grand kid, who is the least deserving and most spoiled over the generations will blow it all partying and just wasting it. That’s how family wealth usually does, eventually there is a bad apple and usually sooner then later.

[Anonymous]

Op, you're really rich, but I feel you. We make a fraction of what you make. this year, only my DH is earning, and he's making $120k and we live in DC and have two kids. I grew up upper middle class but with immigrant parents who were mostly but not completely frugal. I went to an expensive boarding school and private college and university, as did my sibling, because education was put at a premium. We're sending our kids to public, probably all the way through, and drive a RAV4. But yeah, I dream all the time of vacation houses or bigger houses in DC, and when I come on this board for a reality check I'm blown away by people at your income or higher who balk at a vacation house for the same reason your DC does. Life isn't all earning and saving. In my mind it's our only life and our only chance to have fun. If I were in your shoes, I'd definitely be upgrading my house, having sweet vacations, buying lots of $200 sweaters and shoes, and splurging on things that my family enjoys. If that's a $1K ski lesson, so what? If it's doing distance learning from a castle in Europe with hired help for a month, do it! The biggest thing in my mind is if you do these things, realize that you're lucky and appreciate it. Don't apologize for it, but please enjoy it. The rest of us working and unemployed stiffs may be jealous, but in your shoes we;d do these things in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Op, your DH is cheap. This is coming from a guy who’s called Scrooge McDuck.
We make half your income and live better. I changed my frugal ways after my dad got cancer, put a urgency to enjoy life.

I don’t skimp on vacations or houses. I am fortunate to have a lot of handymen who do maintenance at affordable prices.
It would crush me to spend $200 on myself but if my wife wanted to I wouldn’t care and just compliment.
Jeez, if my wife suggested let’s go away to nice hotel for our anniversary, I would say hell yes.

[Anonymous]

I think the only thing that’s weird is that you don’t seem to value your time. Our income is high and DH bills we’ll over 1K an hour as a lawyer. Obviously that’s not what he brings home but it puts things into perspective - he should not be doing things around the house that he doesn’t enjoy if they can be easily outsourced. Far better to pay someone 40 dollars to mow the lawn, for example - and certainly far better to pay someone to paint (professionals almost always do a better job anyway). Unless, of course, it’s a task you or your DH enjoy.

My parents have a NW of well over 10M but in their retirement really enjoy making a game out of how cheaply they can live. They own their (very nice) house so they eat like half a can of tuna for lunch. It’s quirky and unnecessary but they enjoy it and it takes them back to their roots (they grew up lower middle class). It’s all about what you enjoy.