Giving your kids cash in lieu of tuition for $$ schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your kid is awfully presumptuous for asking the question. What makes him think he's in a position to negotiate with you?

He was simply asking the question as we were discussing college costs. I thought it was a good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d put in some contingencies about any amount of money given, but I certainly wouldn’t give access to more than a couple thousand bucks at a time. Even that might be risky. Kids get into all kinds of unexpected things when they go to college and too much money can makes those problems worse for everyone.

If the kid makes the choice to go to state school, and is practical, that’s great but I would not give the entire difference between state and private school every year.

Oh they would not see the cash until after graduation. And it would not be for the full difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your kid is awfully presumptuous for asking the question. What makes him think he's in a position to negotiate with you?

My feeling as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your kid is awfully presumptuous for asking the question. What makes him think he's in a position to negotiate with you?

He was simply asking the question as we were discussing college costs. I thought it was a good one.

He’s asking you to give him $120k cash! Yep, that certainly is a “good one.” Sigh...the rich get richer...I admit this bugs me.

[Anonymous]

Why not come up with an education budget? Anything not used for undergrad can go to grad school or future grandkids 529s. I’d be extremely hesitant to tell an 18 year old he could have $50k or whatever the difference between state and private was. I’d also be worried that he would choose a cheap school vs the right school for his desired major or career prospects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your kid is awfully presumptuous for asking the question. What makes him think he's in a position to negotiate with you?

My feeling as well.

It wasn't a negotiation. It was a question. Anyway, I am not sure what your point is.

[Anonymous]

OP we’ve saved 250k per kid so realistically with earned income my kid could have gone anywhere. However, my kid is planning on a major that will take grad school too. We’ve told my kid we can’t pay for private college and grad school. Right now the agreement with our kid is whatever money is left over from undergrad can be used for grad school
and if grad school does not materialize the money will be available at some point for a DP on a new house.

[Anonymous]

PP again- my kid just accepted our state flagship.

[Anonymous]

My parents almost did this and I’m grateful they didn’t.

I had to decide between a full ride at a good state school and an Ivy. My parents were well off and could easily afford the Ivy (it wasn’t nothing to them, but they had saved etc). They briefly entertained the idea of offering me cash and letting me decide, and I immediately had dreams of living in some awesome apartment at the state school and living well with my cash. I thought the money was more than it was, and while I’m sure I would have saved a lot of it, I definitely would have spent some too.

And ultimately the Ivy opened so many doors to me, and still to this day people are impressed (whatever you think of this, it’s true) when I tell them where I went for college. And no one would have blinked at the very good state school.

(On the other hand I strongly believe I would have been fine if I’d gone to the state school and no parent should stretch too much for an Ivy).

Don’t do it. They’re too young to make that decision.

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely, and this is what I am doing for my daughter. Given her career choice and college preferences, it makes much more sense for me to fund her undergrad, grad and have some money left for a down payment rather than spend it all on the undergrad. Paying for college is as much of a financial decision as buying a house, and yet everyone understands that people make different choices in terms of housing, given the same budget. Somehow it became a moral imperative to pay the highest asking price, because Education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your kid is awfully presumptuous for asking the question. What makes him think he's in a position to negotiate with you?

He was simply asking the question as we were discussing college costs. I thought it was a good one.

It was a good one. He understands that it's a financial decision, like any other, not a moral choice.

[Anonymous]

I saved money to educate my 2 children. If a college expenses cost more for kid 2 vs kid 1, I didn’t not feel I needed to even up bottom line. Hard NO for leftover cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents almost did this and I’m grateful they didn’t.

I had to decide between a full ride at a good state school and an Ivy. My parents were well off and could easily afford the Ivy (it wasn’t nothing to them, but they had saved etc). They briefly entertained the idea of offering me cash and letting me decide, and I immediately had dreams of living in some awesome apartment at the state school and living well with my cash. I thought the money was more than it was, and while I’m sure I would have saved a lot of it, I definitely would have spent some too.

And ultimately the Ivy opened so many doors to me, and still to this day people are impressed (whatever you think of this, it’s true) when I tell them where I went for college. And no one would have blinked at the very good state school.

(On the other hand I strongly believe I would have been fine if I’d gone to the state school and no parent should stretch too much for an Ivy).

Don’t do it. They’re too young to make that decision.

There are no ivies in the picture here.

[Anonymous]

Money for grad school.

He’s not presumptuous, BTW, there’s nothing wrong with asking!

[Anonymous]

We kind of do a version of this. My kid had a lot of expensive choices but picked a much less expensive one on his own.

We planned to spend a lot more, so we use the "extra" (in our head) to let them do other things -- picked pretty expensive housing with friends (which we agreed to) and we pay for extras like fraternity stuff and other things that we might have asked him to pay.