In law can be very passive aggressive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You having anxiety is not her problem. On the other hand, her "asks" of you are just that - they are asks. Say, no if you want.

Op here I think that’s right, as I acknowledged. At the same time however she’s aware of my anxiety and doesn’t seem to take it into consideration when intentionally guilt tripping me. It’s annoying, but a small problem in the scheme of things. I like her and part of me just wants her to like me and accept my choices! We do a lot with them. I encourage it.

Actually, she is taking your anxiety into account when she guilt trips you. She’s doing it to you because it gets a reaction. You’re like my SIL, who is constantly trying to please our MIL & can’t do anything right. I’m friendly to MIL, but as pp says, go “gray rock” when she gets passive aggressive. I just ignore it. As a result, she doesn’t do it to me, anymore, because it’s no fun. Your MIL is a bully — if you want her to respect you and your choices, you need to not care what she thinks.

[Anonymous]

The most freeing thing you can do for everyone is not want your ILs approval. I don't and it is the best thing that I did.

Here is the thing though - I am an emotional fool who will bend over backwards for people. If my ILs were smarter they would have treated me with kind words and I would have been their slave and killed myself just doing chores for them. But, since they were mean, I was put off and then switched off. Guess what? They have no power over my indifference. And while I am still very polite and dutiful and do what I am supposed to with grace and with a smile, I am not giving them all of me that I am capable of in a relationship.
I feel sorry for them. They lost me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most freeing thing you can do for everyone is not want your ILs approval. I don't and it is the best thing that I did.

Here is the thing though - I am an emotional fool who will bend over backwards for people. If my ILs were smarter they would have treated me with kind words and I would have been their slave and killed myself just doing chores for them. But, since they were mean, I was put off and then switched off. Guess what? They have no power over my indifference. And while I am still very polite and dutiful and do what I am supposed to with grace and with a smile, I am not giving them all of me that I am capable of in a relationship.
I feel sorry for them. They lost me.

Uh you are still "dutiful" and do what you "are supposed to" with a smile, so...no consequences at all for them, eh? You're a doormat.