what more is my (adult) child supposed to be getting out of life? what is she missing out on?

[Anonymous]

OP needs a hobby that is not her adult child.

[Anonymous]

Another self-validation post from a mom whose child attended a non-prestigious college. Feel better,now?

What a weird post. I don't quite understand the motivation behind it. But if it made you feel better, then good on you girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I think of how I wanted my kids to turn out when they were little...this is pretty much it. Soo I guess I ask, with all the obsession over getting into a top school -- what would be different if she went to say, Harvard?

Right, that's because your ambitions for your kids were normal. You didn't want them to be President of the United States, Supreme Court Justice, NASA Astronauts, Tech founder of mega tech company, Tenured and/or Nobel winning professor, inventor of modern drug, cure cancer, so on.. The ambitions those other parents who clamor for Harvard, MIT, Stanford is all that.

'The ambitions of other parents who clamor for Harvard' is for their kids to be President of the United States, and/or Novel winning professor'?
PP, I think it'd be safe to say you didn't attend Harvard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My eldest attended Indiana University and majored in marketing in the Kelley School of Business in 2017. She had a respectable GPA (I think somewhere in the 3.5 range) but she wasn't a standout, really, by any means. She had fun in college. She had paid internships going into her junior and senior years. She graduated and took a job in marketing at a large, F500 company based in Chicago. I think she started at $50k. Spent 3.5 years there climbing up the ranks and was at an associate product manager position (~$90k/year) when she decided she'd had enough of the cold and started looking for new jobs in San Diego and Austin -- had no problem finding one, recruiters were contacting her all the time anyway -- and now works for a large tech company in Austin in a fairly similar role as what she was doing in Chicago (which was not a tech company).

She has lots of friends and a good social life. Ended a long term relationship a few months ago with a guy she'd been dating since IU and is starting to get back out there. She volunteers. She is close with her family. She's fit and healthy and training for a half marathon.

She's happy. She's making enough money to pay for everything she needs (and a lot of what she wants) in the city of her choice. And this isn't some "well, your kid got lucky" -- all of her IU friends she still keeps in contact with are also gainfully employed in their fields of choice and enjoying 20s life (whatever that looks like for them). Is there more she could be getting out of life if she went to a more competitive school? I guess that's what just doesn't add up for me. When I think of how I wanted my kids to turn out when they were little...this is pretty much it. Soo I guess I ask, with all the obsession over getting into a top school -- what would be different if she went to say, Harvard?

She would be a lawyer now, in business school or medical school. If a lawyer, she'd be working 70 hours a week, grunt work mostly, and likely abused by her senior colleagues and/or manager/Partner. She can still get that life by going to law school..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are sounding obnoxious. Your DD is obviously fine and doing well. Don't you have other things to do with your time?

Obviously, not. Otherwise, she won't be on a parenting site with a college graduate, adult daughter.

haha, I have a younger one who's a junior right now...so that's the primary reason I'm here.

[Anonymous]

What a weirdly idiotic post.

Your daughter is happy, and you are using that as justification for shitting on others that have different dreams?

Regardless, Indiana University's undergraduate business school is very well regarded, so not sure what this thread is about.

[Anonymous]

I think that most people are misunderstanding OP's post. OP is sincerely wondering if her daughter is missing out on something and also wondering if the Tiger Moms could be happy with a daughter like hers. At least, that's how I read it.

OP, you sound like a balanced woman and your daughter sounds happy! There are different reasons why women become Tiger Moms. For my mom, she grew up very poor. She didn't always have enough food to eat, she was abused, and she ran out of town as soon as she could. She was also probably dyslexic at a time when few people were diagnosed. Based on good looks, she married up a little bit into middle class territory.

Unfortunately, she still thinks like a poor person. Her only vison of success is HYPS and physicians. She thinks that lawyers make big money, too, but doesn't know about all of the unemployed lawyers. She thinks of life as a competition. If her kids didn't beat the other kids at academics, they'd never be successful, right?

So, she just never got to know people who graduated from Indiana in marketing. It's either poverty or Harvard.

Plus, if you're going to have a so-so GPA, how do you know what is the appropriate number to strive for? If you strive for 4.0, you might get pretty close.

Anyway, that's my mom's story.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is saying that her daughter is a fine young woman with average ambitions and professional opportunities. And, while there is nothing wrong with that, OP wonders if her daughter would be more ambitious, more professionally accomplished, and more interesting if she would have attended a more selective school where her peers would have been more ambitious, smarter, and more well-connected. The problem with this question is that it’s circular: your daughter’s opportunity set is a function of who she is.

If OP would have said that her daughter was unhappy with her life and wanted more, there would be the seed for something more. For example, she could strive for a Top 10 MBA program, move to a larger city, strive for a more dynamic or challenging job. Of course, if she doesn’t want to do those things, there’s nothing wrong with that, but OP will have to accept that her daughter’s pursuit of a “normal” life is OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I think of how I wanted my kids to turn out when they were little...this is pretty much it. Soo I guess I ask, with all the obsession over getting into a top school -- what would be different if she went to say, Harvard?

Right, that's because your ambitions for your kids were normal. You didn't want them to be President of the United States, Supreme Court Justice, NASA Astronauts, Tech founder of mega tech company, Tenured and/or Nobel winning professor, inventor of modern drug, cure cancer, so on.. The ambitions those other parents who clamor for Harvard, MIT, Stanford is all that.

I get what you mean OP. Ignore the snark. No, your daughter isn't missing anything. I know an astronaut, tech founders, tenured professors, scientists, an advertising star, a famous Hollywood film writer/producer, a popular TV celebrity, and of course doctors, lawyers, engineers, business consulting, entrepreneurs, etc who all went to state schools, mostly in the midwest. (OK I also know a Nobel professor but that person went to an Ivy.) When I hear people say their kids want to study engineering at a place like Princeton I think what's the point. A state school with a good engineering dept gets you the same result. I think one thing you get from an elite school is a sense of wondering if you're achieving as much or making as much as your peers. Maybe that spurs ambition but it also can add stress. You don't get that as much with the state schools.

[Anonymous]

OP you have put enough detail here that I am pretty sure I can identify your daughter without much work. So now anyone who cares knows her salary. You should ask Jeff to delete this, for your daughter's sake.

[Anonymous]

My sense of OP's post was that it was really a challenge question to the strivers, and possibly wondering if she is expected to me more of a tiger mom.

[Anonymous]

Also the sneering about her daughter's capabilities from some posters is uncalled for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also the sneering about her daughter's capabilities from some posters is uncalled for.

OP sort of is asking for it though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
'The ambitions of other parents who clamor for Harvard' is for their kids to be President of the United States, and/or Novel winning professor'?
PP, I think it'd be safe to say you didn't attend Harvard

Novel winning quite clear you didn't either