How to express frustration with Mom

[Anonymous]

You decided it is OK to see her now, and she told you she has plans made beforehand? So that is passive aggressive?
She did not see you per your request. Why should she blow off her plans with other kids just bcs you want something now?
You blew her off for a year. She got the message.
Yes. Virus or not. You said you had socially distant visits, so why the rush now to see them inside and with no masks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like these plans had been awhile in the making. It’s not like anyone could predict when you would decide to see them so it’s unreasonable for them to hold their schedule open for you. I get that you’re disappointed but I don’t think it’s anything more than a consequence of your choices - I am not judging you for those choices, just noting that they were choices and that choices have consequences.

OP here. I appreciate your point, and do think it is somewhat correct. And I am going to try to think that way going forward. Ultimately, we do just need to move forward. (Venting was a part of me "moving on.")

BUT... in case it changes the analysis at ALL- vacations were booked after they knew the date they would be fully vaccinated. And then she called my brother first and asked him to book dates on the calendar. And then she called my sister to book her dates. And then she called me. Out of the dates already booked during April, May & June, I only think one of them was a prearranged in advance date. By the time she got to me she only had one half week in May available and then said she wasn't free again until August. In between, she had multiple vacations and several visits to my brother and sister booked (To be Fair, my brothers wife is having a baby end of June so she cleared the whole month of July to help them)

Since you knew when you’d be vaccinated, you could have planned ahead of time. You didn’t. Why? No judgment from me, but you know how your parents make plans and didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Personally I don't think talking to your mom about your feelings will get you anywhere. Her feelings during the pandemic were valid too - but that doesn't mean you could do more than acknowledge her feelings and stick to your principles about pandemic safety. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are.

In my opinion it's more important to move forward and recognizing that with vaccinations increasing and warmer weather coming, were are in for happier covid times. Focus on the positive, vent only to your husband, and express your excitement to your mom about getting together in six or eight weeks, give her the benefit of the doubt (drop the assumption that she is being passive aggressive rather than just busy) and simply try to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like these plans had been awhile in the making. It’s not like anyone could predict when you would decide to see them so it’s unreasonable for them to hold their schedule open for you. I get that you’re disappointed but I don’t think it’s anything more than a consequence of your choices - I am not judging you for those choices, just noting that they were choices and that choices have consequences.

+1

She may be punishing you, but it's also unreasonable for you to expect her to drop her plans now that you're ready. Talk to her. Share your feelings, but also accept that you can't control every decision they make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally I don't think talking to your mom about your feelings will get you anywhere. Her feelings during the pandemic were valid too - but that doesn't mean you could do more than acknowledge her feelings and stick to your principles about pandemic safety. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are.

In my opinion it's more important to move forward and recognizing that with vaccinations increasing and warmer weather coming, were are in for happier covid times. Focus on the positive, vent only to your husband, and express your excitement to your mom about getting together in six or eight weeks, give her the benefit of the doubt (drop the assumption that she is being passive aggressive rather than just busy) and simply try to move on.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all the feedback- both in support and calling me out. It has really helped me gain some perspective. Bottom line, we are moving forward, seeing each other again soon, and there is no sense in trying to make this bigger than what it was. Hopefully after the summer things will even back out and we will work our way back into the normal pattern of visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the feedback- both in support and calling me out. It has really helped me gain some perspective. Bottom line, we are moving forward, seeing each other again soon, and there is no sense in trying to make this bigger than what it was. Hopefully after the summer things will even back out and we will work our way back into the normal pattern of visits.

I'm just here to comment on how reasonably the OP has responded to this thread!