What to say to 8-yr-old son "caught" fooling around with another boy?

[Anonymous]

That we don't touch other people's bodies or let other people touch our bodies without permission and all of the standard stuff about your bathing suit area being private.

Also a lot of questioning to make sure your child or the other isn't being molested.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would tell the other parents but keep it low key.

They are only 8 - you need to supervise and tell them not to remove clothes. It’s still essentially innocent behavior but important to convey calmly that “kids need to keep their clothes on. I know you’re curious but it is not allowed. that’s for older people.”

[Anonymous]

You wonder if the other boy will be scarred for life. That depends on the degree of consent present. Do you know that? (The “jock” may or may not be gay himself so don’t assume he is straight.)

What does “fooling around” mean? There is such a wide range here and it will greatly impact how everyone feels/should handle it.

[Anonymous]

He’s too old for that behavior. That’s something 5 or 6 year olds do. He should understand boundaries by now. Is he immature in other ways?

[Anonymous]

So first, boys are WAY more physical than I ever thought they were - constantly, touching, wrestling, bumping - just way more into physical contact.

my very first thought is that you are sexualizing something that easily could not have been sexual. And at 8, to be honest, I'll go out on a limb and say it likely was not "fooling around."

Second, that doesn't mean you can't talk about keeping clothes on, avoiding making people uncomfortable, etc.

We tend to weirdly sexualize men/boys in ways that are very different than how we weirdly sexualize women/girls. Watch a group of boys - boys make puppy piles, they lay on each other, they hold hands, they are just in constant contact. Socially though there's a point where it becomes ew gross you're gay, and boys start to miss out on that physical bonding. It's kind of sad to me.

[Anonymous]

Straight male here. With me it wasn't sexual. We were jsut curious boys about how things look. It wasn't fooling around.

Just give a talk about private parts and so on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That we don't touch other people's bodies or let other people touch our bodies without permission and all of the standard stuff about your bathing suit area being private.

Also a lot of questioning to make sure your child or the other isn't being molested.

This. I’m not sure what you mean by “messing around” and I’d be concerned about what your ds or the other boy has been exposed to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8 is really young and it’s pretty common to do “play doctor” type things, gay or not. I would say “hey, buddy, lets keep trousers on when you have a friend over, sound good?” If he seems worried I’d ask him more. In any case I’d supervise more closely when he had friends over-be in the kitchen when they’re in living room rather than have them alone in the basement or his room. Not a big deal though.

This. My cousins and I used to play doctor. We weren't gay, we were just curious. He needs to learn what is acceptable and not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

My son did the exact same thing with his best friend when he was 8 or so. We just talked about the fact that he's too young, talked about consent, discussed not wanting to damage his friendship, and that this is something he can explore when he's older. I've followed up over the years to ask if it was still happening (he's almost 14 now), and he said it only happened a few times back when he was 8.