I need DH to be better at getting out the door with our child

[Anonymous]

Why again can't you go in a different room and lock the door? It doesn't matter if this isn't actually what you had planned to do. You need to do it to make the point.

And don't tolerate this behavior from your husband. Stand there and call it out. "Larlo. Please get off your phone. We agreed that you would take her out at 3. Please take her and go." Repeat that kind of thing over and over and over in a calm tone but do not let up. If he doesn't handle it well, you have a bigger problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the responses. It helps me to know I'm not alone!

It generally isn't a situation where I can leave. It's usually something like I need 2 hours to work on a project for work so we arrange for DH to take the kid out for a bit so I can get quiet time at home (I do the same for him when he needs to focus on work). I will try to just start my activity, but our home is small and what will happen is that DH will get distracted with some activity and my kid will just come find me and 3 year olds are REALLY good at preventing anything resembling work from happening.

He will usually compensate by staying out longer. But the real problem is that the 30+ minutes I spend trying to facilitate/force them out the door is incredibly draining and by the time they go, it is really hard to pivot to whatever I need to do. Like if he just left the house late but things were calm in the process, it would be fine. But because he's all over the place, our kid melts down, and it is total chaos and there is usually a ton of bribery involved to get them out the door. It's so draining.

When it's my turn, I have a kind of routine that maintains momentum and lots of little tricks to move things along ("Let's put our shoes on together!" "Can you pick out a book to look at in the car?" "What if you draw a map to the park while I pack our snack?"). And I stay on task. I can be out the door in 10 minutes. Not always a smooth or easy 10 minutes, but we're out of the house.

The ADHD comment might be on to something. I don't even know where to start with that though.

I could have written your original post. If I didn't know better, I would say you are married to my DH. It's beyond draining and maddening - because it happens every single time!!!! Something must change because my DH is so amazing in many other ways but this complete lack of self-direction and inability to follow a simple time frame is hurting our relationship. He is like a child to me and I didn't sign up to marry a child.

[Anonymous]

Mine is also like this. I just get the child changed, dressed and put in the stroller, snack and wipes already packed and all. He would do it too, but they likes to play with child through every interaction - 5 min of play to chase the child, 5 min of play to change the diaper, peekaboo with every item of clothing is another 10 min, until the child is completely opposed to dressing, etc., then hand me the half dressed child to finish dressing and watch while husband gets changed, gathers the sports gear he wants to bring on this walk, his own snack etc. It's very cute when they play but totally inefficient, it's like having 2 toddlers to get ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why again can't you go in a different room and lock the door? It doesn't matter if this isn't actually what you had planned to do. You need to do it to make the point.

And don't tolerate this behavior from your husband. Stand there and call it out. "Larlo. Please get off your phone. We agreed that you would take her out at 3. Please take her and go." Repeat that kind of thing over and over and over in a calm tone but do not let up. If he doesn't handle it well, you have a bigger problem.

The first suggestion, of just leaving and letting them sort it out is great.

Standing in earshot of your child, and having a conversation about how they're some object you want removed from your house is a terrible thing to do. Like seriously damaging.

[Anonymous]

Just want to say I can relate so hard to this. DH said he’d take DS to school and for the last 10 min it’s been “where’s my backpack, where’s my rain jacket, where’s his water bottle” and as they were on the way out DS knocked over all the legos.

[Anonymous]

My DH actually was a pro at spiriting kids out the door...grabbing water, getting shoes and socks on, bringing snacks. Except he ALWAYS forgets to have them use the bathroom first. On kid #3 and this still happens. My most recent favorite was when we were trying to drive to NYC during COVID (so no stopping) and we were on the beltway when my toddler said she had to go. We had to turn around and go home...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is also like this. I just get the child changed, dressed and put in the stroller, snack and wipes already packed and all. He would do it too, but they likes to play with child through every interaction - 5 min of play to chase the child, 5 min of play to change the diaper, peekaboo with every item of clothing is another 10 min, until the child is completely opposed to dressing, etc., then hand me the half dressed child to finish dressing and watch while husband gets changed, gathers the sports gear he wants to bring on this walk, his own snack etc. It's very cute when they play but totally inefficient, it's like having 2 toddlers to get ready.

This. I always had a diaper bag at the door ready to go. So, all that had to be done was change/potty or what ever and leave. Keep it simple. Get it done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why again can't you go in a different room and lock the door? It doesn't matter if this isn't actually what you had planned to do. You need to do it to make the point.

And don't tolerate this behavior from your husband. Stand there and call it out. "Larlo. Please get off your phone. We agreed that you would take her out at 3. Please take her and go." Repeat that kind of thing over and over and over in a calm tone but do not let up. If he doesn't handle it well, you have a bigger problem.

The first suggestion, of just leaving and letting them sort it out is great.

Standing in earshot of your child, and having a conversation about how they're some object you want removed from your house is a terrible thing to do. Like seriously damaging.

Or you could do what I do: just have these conversations in French. My kid doesn’t understand the words yet, but she knows dad’s in trouble! It’s kind of cute.

[Anonymous]

Does he see it as a problem? Like is he apologizing along the way? I think it’s fine to just move the process along, but I also think your kid is old enough that this shouldn’t have to be a WHOLE THING every single time. I would present it as “I think we need to have a more consistent routine for getting Larla reading for outings and I think she is old enough to help. “

Put together a checklist for two sides:
Side 1 for Larla (go potty, get a hat, put your shoes on) and Side 2 for the adult (go potty, pack a snack and water, get your shoes on). It may help him AND your daughter to have the next steps lined up and you and DH can discuss a consistent bribe (like fav snack in the stroller) to build into the routine at the end.

[Anonymous]

Set an alarm for 2:55 and when it goes off tell your Dh he has 5 minutes to get out the door.

[Anonymous]

I literally could not believe this yesterday. DD2.5 and I were playing in the yard. DH comes out and we all hear the ice cream truck. DD asks pwease daddy? And he said yes! I said "go grab some cash quickly. There's a $20 in the drawer". He brings DD inside, tells her she needs to change to leave the house (she was in pants/long sleeve pjs it was 70 degrees). So he changes her. Tells her to find socks. She puts on her socks and shoes. THEN he takes her to our room, changes himself from work clothes to shorts and a tee. Gets his own socks and shoes on. Finds his baseball cap. THEN looks for the cash. Well guess what? Ice cream truck is LONG gone. Ensue sobbing DD.

WHYYYYYY couldn't he grab cash from the draw, scoop her up, and pick some ice cream on the first warm night of the year? ugh