Consequences For 14 Year Old

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't like being called a specific swear name, but I don't care that my kids swear. They say F all the time. And I'm fine with it. It has no reflection on how they treat people, and that is more important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who calls their parent a "F**king A**hole" during an argument about screen time.

The range is nothing, to complete loss of privileges.

Where would it fall in your household?

Eh. I'd say "you're not very likely to get what you want if you talk like that" and then ignore it. Half the time, I think teenagers just want to get a rise out of their parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would get a "hey, that is not an acceptable way to address your parent" and that's about it.

From your kid's perspective, you are being an a$$hole! I wouldn't punish my kid for having negative feelings towards me, but would remind him to find a different way to express them.

Really? You would let your kid talk to you that way? OP- screen would be gone for at least 2 weeks. I may make them stay in this weekend as well.

Not let but not overreact.

Your not punishing the crime you are overreacting because you connect your ego as a parent to her actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who calls their parent a "F**king A**hole" during an argument about screen time.

The range is nothing, to complete loss of privileges.

Where would it fall in your household?

Eh. I'd say "you're not very likely to get what you want if you talk like that" and then ignore it. Half the time, I think teenagers just want to get a rise out of their parents

The other 1/2 they have a shit ton of estrogen rushing through their body and don’t know why they are so frustrated.

I might talk about frustration later and how to breath through it. We had a code word when someone was frustrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who calls their parent a "F**king A**hole" during an argument about screen time.

The range is nothing, to complete loss of privileges.

Where would it fall in your household?

I would tell him "I understand that you're upset, but don't like it when you speak to me that way. It's disrespectful, and it won't change my mind." Then I would leave the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he have adhd? My adgd kids curse like sailors and no amount of punishment has fixed it.

My teen daughter has ADHD and has a hard time not expressing anger without dropping the f-bomb, sometimes at me. She's making progress in that she catches herself as she's doing it and apologizes. I call it progress.

[Anonymous]

Take a power drill and put a 3" screw through their phone and say 'That's what a F**king A**hole does. Talk like that again and we'll revisit this'.

Don't tolerate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who calls their parent a "F**king A**hole" during an argument about screen time.

The range is nothing, to complete loss of privileges.

Where would it fall in your household?

Eh. I'd say "you're not very likely to get what you want if you talk like that" and then ignore it. Half the time, I think teenagers just want to get a rise out of their parents

The other 1/2 they have a shit ton of estrogen rushing through their body and don’t know why they are so frustrated.

I might talk about frustration later and how to breath through it. We had a code word when someone was frustrated.

+1 ^^ It's 10x easier for them to lose their emotions than you and their hormones can make them go crazy and over emotional for no apparent reason. To top it off, it's over their valued-screen time which is their social outlet and down-time.

Can you put yourself on their shoes? If your spouse or your own mom kept annoying you to get off your screen/phone you'd have a knee-jerk reaction too, no?

I'm not condoning it, but you also have to see it from their point of view. YOu don't give a lot of context - do you have known household rules for screens? Was your kid finishing up chatting with a friend and was about to get off? Is your 14 yr old a good kid otherwise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would get a "hey, that is not an acceptable way to address your parent" and that's about it.

From your kid's perspective, you are being an a$$hole! I wouldn't punish my kid for having negative feelings towards me, but would remind him to find a different way to express them.

Really? You would let your kid talk to you that way? OP- screen would be gone for at least 2 weeks. I may make them stay in this weekend as well.

+1

+2

It's not the cursing, that I'd roll my eyes at. It's cursing AT ME the person who PAYS FOR THE INTERNET AND ALL YOUR FOOD when you don't get your way. Firm no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who calls their parent a "F**king A**hole" during an argument about screen time.

The range is nothing, to complete loss of privileges.

Where would it fall in your household?

Complete loss for a couple of weeks with increased chores, etc. around the house.

I might seriously consider getting them a dumb phone and take away the iPhone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Really? You would let your kid talk to you that way? OP- screen would be gone for at least 2 weeks. I may make them stay in this weekend as well.

I didn't say I would "let" them - I said I would understand their feelings and correct the way they expressed them.

Both of my kids spoke to me this way exactly once during their teen years without the imposition of any draconian consequences. They didn't speak to teachers, employers, etc. this way and they didn't regularly speak to me this way. If they did, the consequences would have been different. They are now fully functioning young adults who happened to have called their parents a bad name one time in the past.

I agree with this poster with one caveat. I would make it damn clear to the kid that they just used their ONE and ONLY 'pass' on this where we talk about how this is not acceptable, how its on them to find a way to put anger off them but not onto others, and what real world consequences a could be if you run your mouth off to people you know/love as well as people you don't.

After then. I drop the hammer on privileges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a power drill and put a 3" screw through their phone and say 'That's what a F**king A**hole does. Talk like that again and we'll revisit this'.

Don't tolerate that.

No. The last thing you want to do with a teenager who is angry is escalate the situation. You want to de-escalate and remain calm. Model how to manage feelings. I personally would give a calm warning and allow my teen to self correct and apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a power drill and put a 3" screw through their phone and say 'That's what a F**king A**hole does. Talk like that again and we'll revisit this'.

Don't tolerate that.

I like this answer...

[Anonymous]

If you give your kid a 500 bucks phone and you pay for the service 50 bucks a month.. that is some 600 bucks a year worth of service.

If he does not respect you then just cut off the service completly and take away the phone and do not negotiate at all. Wait for him to come to you with an offer and negotiate from there. Say nothing when you take away his phone but don't do it when he is mad at you.
Just wait till he comes down and then yank the phone service let him discover it is gone. Then ask for the phone back. It is your phone, you paid for it, and his using privileges are over.

If you do nothing as some suggest, you are facing this to grow into criminal level of behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take a power drill and put a 3" screw through their phone and say 'That's what a F**king A**hole does. Talk like that again and we'll revisit this'.

Don't tolerate that.

No. The last thing you want to do with a teenager who is angry is escalate the situation. You want to de-escalate and remain calm. Model how to manage feelings. I personally would give a calm warning and allow my teen to self correct and apologize.

Yes, PP.. buy them a pack of smokes and a beer.. and pet on the back. He will self correct himself immediately

You know that some kids are very obedient and others are extremely difficult... you think all kids are docile. Wrong.