Documenting emotional abuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does any of this emotional abuse happen in front of others? Someone you trust to be a witness? Abusive text messages to you? Voicemail? Email? Any threats of violence that could be recorded? Maybe it gets recorded on doorbell camera or home security camera. Some states allow one party to record without the other person knowing. If you know every Friday he gets drunk after work and gets emotionally abusive and you live where a secret recording is ok, you might be able to record it your phone or on laptop camera. Or maybe you have some one stop by to witness it. Hopefully, it never comes to this but police reports for domestic disturbances also can have this. If he yells or screams you could have neighbor be on notice and have them call cops and it would show up in a police report.

He doesn’t get drunk.
He’s working from home 11 hrs/ day.
He loses his temper, insults our child quite often, even out in our front yard.
He controls the money.

Get a job. Get a separate bank account and make sure your child is doing what they need to do so Dad doesn't lose his temper. What is your child doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you hope to accomplish by documenting emotional abuse? It's not going to affect whether or not you can get a divorce or custody arrangements. You aren't going to get a restraining order for emotional abuse, unless he's threatening physical harm. Just figure out how to get out and go.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you hope to accomplish by documenting emotional abuse? It's not going to affect whether or not you can get a divorce or custody arrangements. You aren't going to get a restraining order for emotional abuse, unless he's threatening physical harm. Just figure out how to get out and go.

This.

+1. Someone that left an EA marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does any of this emotional abuse happen in front of others? Someone you trust to be a witness? Abusive text messages to you? Voicemail? Email? Any threats of violence that could be recorded? Maybe it gets recorded on doorbell camera or home security camera. Some states allow one party to record without the other person knowing. If you know every Friday he gets drunk after work and gets emotionally abusive and you live where a secret recording is ok, you might be able to record it your phone or on laptop camera. Or maybe you have some one stop by to witness it. Hopefully, it never comes to this but police reports for domestic disturbances also can have this. If he yells or screams you could have neighbor be on notice and have them call cops and it would show up in a police report.

He doesn’t get drunk.
He’s working from home 11 hrs/ day.
He loses his temper, insults our child quite often, even out in our front yard.
He controls the money.

I'm so sorry.

the hotline.org

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you hope to accomplish by documenting emotional abuse? It's not going to affect whether or not you can get a divorce or custody arrangements. You aren't going to get a restraining order for emotional abuse, unless he's threatening physical harm. Just figure out how to get out and go.

This.

+1. Someone that left an EA marriage.

But document. Even if for your sanity down the road. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does any of this emotional abuse happen in front of others? Someone you trust to be a witness? Abusive text messages to you? Voicemail? Email? Any threats of violence that could be recorded? Maybe it gets recorded on doorbell camera or home security camera. Some states allow one party to record without the other person knowing. If you know every Friday he gets drunk after work and gets emotionally abusive and you live where a secret recording is ok, you might be able to record it your phone or on laptop camera. Or maybe you have some one stop by to witness it. Hopefully, it never comes to this but police reports for domestic disturbances also can have this. If he yells or screams you could have neighbor be on notice and have them call cops and it would show up in a police report.

He doesn’t get drunk.
He’s working from home 11 hrs/ day.
He loses his temper, insults our child quite often, even out in our front yard.
He controls the money.

Get a job. Get a separate bank account and make sure your child is doing what they need to do so Dad doesn't lose his temper. What is your child doing?

Oh for god’s sake. It is NOT the kid’s fault.

[Anonymous]

Do not go to a divorce attorney on this list.
It’s anonymous; so they recommend themselves.

You’ll see the same names.

[Anonymous]

Write down what happened and when. It will not help you to get a better deal with he divorce, but it will help you to remember why you are divorcing and that you are doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

These responses are surprising. Emotional abuse is real and yes one should “just leave” but it’s very hard with kids and if you’re not a let to support yourself financially. I’d start sending emails from/to.a throwaway account documenting what is happening even if just to reaffirm for yourself when he tries to gaslight you. How old is your daughter? I’d check with a divorce attorney to see if she’s old enough to have a say in custody. And, yes, hopefully you have family or the means to leave. I’m sorry OP. This sounds really hard on top of all the other stresses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Write down what happened and when. It will not help you to get a better deal with he divorce, but it will help you to remember why you are divorcing and that you are doing the right thing.

I found writing in a special journal cathartic and bonus the info isn’t easily hacked or deleted. It helped to have the “divorce” stuff separate. You can also set up an email account that you use for emailing notes too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Do not go to a divorce attorney on this list.
It’s anonymous; so they recommend themselves.

You’ll see the same names.

I have recommended my attorney. I am not an attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These responses are surprising. Emotional abuse is real and yes one should “just leave” but it’s very hard with kids and if you’re not a let to support yourself financially. I’d start sending emails from/to.a throwaway account documenting what is happening even if just to reaffirm for yourself when he tries to gaslight you. How old is your daughter? I’d check with a divorce attorney to see if she’s old enough to have a say in custody. And, yes, hopefully you have family or the means to leave. I’m sorry OP. This sounds really hard on top of all the other stresses.

I am a PP; like the other PP, I also divorced an emotional abuser. It has no bearing on divorce or custody. It does not matter. If she wants to leave, she needs to start a separation and make plans to leave. That is it.

[Anonymous]

+2, DP that left an EA. I agree with PP. emotional abuse is trickier because it is a mental sabotage — often you have to be able to function with a little reserve of confidence, and getting out of that situation without breaking down is the priority of “proof” in a court that doesn’t care. You work to cut ties permanently. . Then you tend to the wounds. Otherwise you can just get stuck in a really bad loop. You don’t want the abuse to escalate and complicate emerging dynamics legally. You can shoot your self in the foot as a victim; only you know your limits.

[Anonymous]

of = over

[Anonymous]

I kept a daily journal of my wife's abuse for four years before the divorce. It didn't help me at all with my case, but that journal has been incredibly useful as a way to remind me how bad things were and how much progress I have made in life since then.