WWYD? Convo with acquaintance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was having a conversation with a group talking about school and the pandemic. It was a mixed group: some with private, some public, some hybrid, some virtual, some full time.

We are public school parents. Our kids were in hybrid all year. I mentioned that I hired a tutor to come on the asynchronous days to teach my 3rd grader and fifth grader. I said I tried to teach them myself but it was too frustrating for all of us and I was worried that I’d damage our relationship by trying to play teacher too. This would be woman said, “That’s nice for you but you need to own that you are replicating class privilege. Most people don’t have hundreds of dollars to spend a week on a tutor.”

I was stunned that someone I barely know other than socially as part of a larger group would say something so rude. But that she also come lately ignored the private school parents whose schools were open full time.

I said “I know that and it’s unfortunate but it’s not my fault our school wasn’t

Someone tried to defend me by saying “you have to do what is best for your kids” and she was like “that’s what all white patents say. But when are we going to start doing what’s best for society.”

(By the way she is white but identifies as a POC because she is Jewish).

OK, but as a Jew I call troll. Unless a Jewish person is actually a POC (there are plenty of non-white Jews), we nearly all consider ourselves white. I feel like you threw in that she was Jewish just to make Jews look bad. A white Jew is never a POC, and all white Jews know that. We might talk about degrees of whiteness and conditional whiteness, but white is white. Your rude friend is not Jewish.

The conversation moved along to the royals and she also gave me a hard time for being “too sympathetic” to Prince Harry. I’ll definitely try to avoid her in the future. But it just felt weird to have another adult attacking me over innocuous comments. I felt like saying, “jeez lady I don’t even care that much, just making conversation.”

Would you have told her to back off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was having a conversation with a group talking about school and the pandemic. It was a mixed group: some with private, some public, some hybrid, some virtual, some full time.

We are public school parents. Our kids were in hybrid all year. I mentioned that I hired a tutor to come on the asynchronous days to teach my 3rd grader and fifth grader. I said I tried to teach them myself but it was too frustrating for all of us and I was worried that I’d damage our relationship by trying to play teacher too. This would be woman said, “That’s nice for you but you need to own that you are replicating class privilege. Most people don’t have hundreds of dollars to spend a week on a tutor.”

I was stunned that someone I barely know other than socially as part of a larger group would say something so rude. But that she also come lately ignored the private school parents whose schools were open full time.

I said “I know that and it’s unfortunate but it’s not my fault our school wasn’t

Someone tried to defend me by saying “you have to do what is best for your kids” and she was like “that’s what all white patents say. But when are we going to start doing what’s best for society.”

(By the way she is white but identifies as a POC because she is Jewish).

OK, but as a Jew I call troll. Unless a Jewish person is actually a POC (there are plenty of non-white Jews), we nearly all consider ourselves white. I feel like you threw in that she was Jewish just to make Jews look bad. A white Jew is never a POC, and all white Jews know that. We might talk about degrees of whiteness and conditional whiteness, but white is white. Your rude friend is not Jewish.

The conversation moved along to the royals and she also gave me a hard time for being “too sympathetic” to Prince Harry. I’ll definitely try to avoid her in the future. But it just felt weird to have another adult attacking me over innocuous comments. I felt like saying, “jeez lady I don’t even care that much, just making conversation.”

Would you have told her to back off?

Oops, I put my response in the middle. Hate when that happens. Again, I say this is anti-semitic, racist trolling. No white Jews considers herself a POC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was having a conversation with a group talking about school and the pandemic. It was a mixed group: some with private, some public, some hybrid, some virtual, some full time.

We are public school parents. Our kids were in hybrid all year. I mentioned that I hired a tutor to come on the asynchronous days to teach my 3rd grader and fifth grader. I said I tried to teach them myself but it was too frustrating for all of us and I was worried that I’d damage our relationship by trying to play teacher too. This would be woman said, “That’s nice for you but you need to own that you are replicating class privilege. Most people don’t have hundreds of dollars to spend a week on a tutor.”

I was stunned that someone I barely know other than socially as part of a larger group would say something so rude. But that she also come lately ignored the private school parents whose schools were open full time.

I said “I know that and it’s unfortunate but it’s not my fault our school wasn’t

Someone tried to defend me by saying “you have to do what is best for your kids” and she was like “that’s what all white patents say. But when are we going to start doing what’s best for society.”

(By the way she is white but identifies as a POC because she is Jewish).

OK, but as a Jew I call troll. Unless a Jewish person is actually a POC (there are plenty of non-white Jews), we nearly all consider ourselves white. I feel like you threw in that she was Jewish just to make Jews look bad. A white Jew is never a POC, and all white Jews know that. We might talk about degrees of whiteness and conditional whiteness, but white is white. Your rude friend is not Jewish.

The conversation moved along to the royals and she also gave me a hard time for being “too sympathetic” to Prince Harry. I’ll definitely try to avoid her in the future. But it just felt weird to have another adult attacking me over innocuous comments. I felt like saying, “jeez lady I don’t even care that much, just making conversation.”

Would you have told her to back off?

Oops, I put my response in the middle. Hate when that happens. Again, I say this is anti-semitic, racist trolling. No white Jews considers herself a POC.

This lady does. Since she was accusing me of ignoring it perpetuating white privileged, I wanted to make it clear I wasn’t speaking with a black person who might have more validity to what they say on that topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was having a conversation with a group talking about school and the pandemic. It was a mixed group: some with private, some public, some hybrid, some virtual, some full time.

We are public school parents. Our kids were in hybrid all year. I mentioned that I hired a tutor to come on the asynchronous days to teach my 3rd grader and fifth grader. I said I tried to teach them myself but it was too frustrating for all of us and I was worried that I’d damage our relationship by trying to play teacher too. This would be woman said, “That’s nice for you but you need to own that you are replicating class privilege. Most people don’t have hundreds of dollars to spend a week on a tutor.”

I was stunned that someone I barely know other than socially as part of a larger group would say something so rude. But that she also come lately ignored the private school parents whose schools were open full time.

I said “I know that and it’s unfortunate but it’s not my fault our school wasn’t

Someone tried to defend me by saying “you have to do what is best for your kids” and she was like “that’s what all white patents say. But when are we going to start doing what’s best for society.”

(By the way she is white but identifies as a POC because she is Jewish).

OK, but as a Jew I call troll. Unless a Jewish person is actually a POC (there are plenty of non-white Jews), we nearly all consider ourselves white. I feel like you threw in that she was Jewish just to make Jews look bad. A white Jew is never a POC, and all white Jews know that. We might talk about degrees of whiteness and conditional whiteness, but white is white. Your rude friend is not Jewish.

The conversation moved along to the royals and she also gave me a hard time for being “too sympathetic” to Prince Harry. I’ll definitely try to avoid her in the future. But it just felt weird to have another adult attacking me over innocuous comments. I felt like saying, “jeez lady I don’t even care that much, just making conversation.”

Would you have told her to back off?

Oops, I put my response in the middle. Hate when that happens. Again, I say this is anti-semitic, racist trolling. No white Jews considers herself a POC.

Jew of color here- yeah *most* white Jews know they are white, but there I have heard many white Jews who have said they “don’t feel white” or don’t “identify as white” because they are Jewish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have just said “That’s something we think about often. Tell me, how do YOU avoid it?”

“Identifying as” a POC because you are Jewish is not a thing.

That's exactly what I would have said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was having a conversation with a group talking about school and the pandemic. It was a mixed group: some with private, some public, some hybrid, some virtual, some full time.

We are public school parents. Our kids were in hybrid all year. I mentioned that I hired a tutor to come on the asynchronous days to teach my 3rd grader and fifth grader. I said I tried to teach them myself but it was too frustrating for all of us and I was worried that I’d damage our relationship by trying to play teacher too. This would be woman said, “That’s nice for you but you need to own that you are replicating class privilege. Most people don’t have hundreds of dollars to spend a week on a tutor.”

I was stunned that someone I barely know other than socially as part of a larger group would say something so rude. But that she also come lately ignored the private school parents whose schools were open full time.

I said “I know that and it’s unfortunate but it’s not my fault our school wasn’t

Someone tried to defend me by saying “you have to do what is best for your kids” and she was like “that’s what all white patents say. But when are we going to start doing what’s best for society.”

(By the way she is white but identifies as a POC because she is Jewish).

OK, but as a Jew I call troll. Unless a Jewish person is actually a POC (there are plenty of non-white Jews), we nearly all consider ourselves white. I feel like you threw in that she was Jewish just to make Jews look bad. A white Jew is never a POC, and all white Jews know that. We might talk about degrees of whiteness and conditional whiteness, but white is white. Your rude friend is not Jewish.

The conversation moved along to the royals and she also gave me a hard time for being “too sympathetic” to Prince Harry. I’ll definitely try to avoid her in the future. But it just felt weird to have another adult attacking me over innocuous comments. I felt like saying, “jeez lady I don’t even care that much, just making conversation.”

Would you have told her to back off?

Oops, I put my response in the middle. Hate when that happens. Again, I say this is anti-semitic, racist trolling. No white Jews considers herself a POC.

Yeah - I actually wanted to comment about that that both of you seem to have issues you could work on (the friend & the poster).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was having a conversation with a group talking about school and the pandemic. It was a mixed group: some with private, some public, some hybrid, some virtual, some full time.

We are public school parents. Our kids were in hybrid all year. I mentioned that I hired a tutor to come on the asynchronous days to teach my 3rd grader and fifth grader. I said I tried to teach them myself but it was too frustrating for all of us and I was worried that I’d damage our relationship by trying to play teacher too. This would be woman said, “That’s nice for you but you need to own that you are replicating class privilege. Most people don’t have hundreds of dollars to spend a week on a tutor.”

I was stunned that someone I barely know other than socially as part of a larger group would say something so rude. But that she also come lately ignored the private school parents whose schools were open full time.

I said “I know that and it’s unfortunate but it’s not my fault our school wasn’t

Someone tried to defend me by saying “you have to do what is best for your kids” and she was like “that’s what all white patents say. But when are we going to start doing what’s best for society.”

(By the way she is white but identifies as a POC because she is Jewish).

OK, but as a Jew I call troll. Unless a Jewish person is actually a POC (there are plenty of non-white Jews), we nearly all consider ourselves white. I feel like you threw in that she was Jewish just to make Jews look bad. A white Jew is never a POC, and all white Jews know that. We might talk about degrees of whiteness and conditional whiteness, but white is white. Your rude friend is not Jewish.

The conversation moved along to the royals and she also gave me a hard time for being “too sympathetic” to Prince Harry. I’ll definitely try to avoid her in the future. But it just felt weird to have another adult attacking me over innocuous comments. I felt like saying, “jeez lady I don’t even care that much, just making conversation.”

Would you have told her to back off?

Oops, I put my response in the middle. Hate when that happens. Again, I say this is anti-semitic, racist trolling. No white Jews considers herself a POC.

NP it’s definitely a thing.

[Anonymous]

Lots of Ashkenazi Jews consider themselves not-white or even POC.

I see why, to be honest, especially with the generational trauma of the Holocaust. Not something the average white American has experience with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This lady sounds crazy, but sadly the last couple of weeks of similar conversations have taught me that you just need to steer clear of any kind of Covid-related playground talk with other parents. Even expressing a desire to have your kids back in school or a wish to get the vaccine promptly can lead to someone being all sassy and critical.

This. You know the old saying don't talk about religion or politics? You can add Covid-related school issues to that list. No good will come of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, do not try to engage, just brush it off and avoid her. Likely everyone in the group felt her comments were out of line. You don’t need to defend the decisions you make for your family - we also hired a tutor because that is what worked best for our family. I am not going to solve the world’s problems by foregoing the extra help we need and are able to afford.

Yeah, stay the hell away. This is the sort of person who would love, more than anything, to find a way to identify you as a secret racist/sexist/transphobe and plaster your name all over social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This lady sounds crazy, but sadly the last couple of weeks of similar conversations have taught me that you just need to steer clear of any kind of Covid-related playground talk with other parents. Even expressing a desire to have your kids back in school or a wish to get the vaccine promptly can lead to someone being all sassy and critical.

THIS!!! Not a safe topic right now. Just avoid it all together.