13 yr old was caught texting mean swears

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So I am having a hard time with the length of confiscates electronics because this is the primary way our DS communicates with friends. DS is exclusively DL’ing and is not in any organized activities because of covid. Sigh. DS needs the connection with friends.....but how do we enforce a natural consequence? COVID times have turned our normal parenting techniques upside down. Any suggestions? This mamma needs help.

I think a week is a good idea. There IS a natural consequence to being mean over texts ... they lose friends. I would let this one week be a reminder.

[Anonymous]

what did he say, OP? Like f u guys for not including me? I just don't think this is a huge deal. A chance for conversation sure, but a week with no electronics when that is the only thing he has? You need to get him doing something safe to be around people. Soccer, something? Bike ride with friends? It isn't healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what did he say, OP? Like f u guys for not including me? I just don't think this is a huge deal. A chance for conversation sure, but a week with no electronics when that is the only thing he has? You need to get him doing something safe to be around people. Soccer, something? Bike ride with friends? It isn't healthy.

I wonder too. "Mean swears"? I might say "hey... not acceptable..." and then carry on.

Taking away electronics for a week is extreme. Is a simple reminder not good enough, or do you always go overboard?
I don't know if this was a one liner, or a full day of blow ups that need to be addressed.

[Anonymous]

I would be more concerned about the "mean" than the "swears," but I also think the emphasis needs to be on logical rather than natural consequences. Having friends push back on bad behavior will have a more impact than Mommy and Daddy being mad.

That said, if I provide the phone, I get to have a say in how it's used. So taking it away for a day or two (I would probably want it off-limits through a weekend, which gives a Tuesday transgression worse consequences than a Thursday one) seems reasonable.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would start with 2 days. With my kids for some reason 24 hours doesn't seem to be that difficult (perhaps the "I get it back tomorrow" thought) but two days is difficult and you want any consequence to be difficult so that they will really think before acting next time.

Confiscate the phone for 2 days and let your child know that next time and for each time after another day will be added to the total of days. Then stick to it. Kudos to you for addressing it!

[Anonymous]

I don't know how close you are to their bedroom during gameplay but if you're worried about "mean swears" in text you're hair will set on fire when you hear what they all say to each other while playing.

If its game play trash talk I wouldn't punish - its Covid FFS, they are all cooped up at home and game play is 1. social connection and 2. a frustration outlet so yeah, the trash talk is heated. If you take the phone you are cutting them off of the only connection they have to friends/other humans their age.

If its bullying, no matter if there are swears or not, then I would punish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how close you are to their bedroom during gameplay but if you're worried about "mean swears" in text you're hair will set on fire when you hear what they all say to each other while playing.

If its game play trash talk I wouldn't punish - its Covid FFS, they are all cooped up at home and game play is 1. social connection and 2. a frustration outlet so yeah, the trash talk is heated. If you take the phone you are cutting them off of the only connection they have to friends/other humans their age.

If its bullying, no matter if there are swears or not, then I would punish

I'm PP and forgot to add: my DS is 13 so I'm right in the same boat as you. If you think this text is bad don't read what they're all saying to each other in Dischord threads either… seriously let this go.

My DS is empathetic, kind, is the one who wants everyone to get along and is a good egg. I do not care if he trash talks while playing right now. Its a completely different thing than real life and if he walked out to the dinner table and said "where's my fu*%ing food?" he'd be up shit creek. Bottom line is, he knows the difference. Maybe have that conversation with your DS and see if he also understands the difference.

[Anonymous]

I may get flamed, but 13-year old boys have always had potty mouths. They just didn't use the foul language around adults. Now with cell phones/texting/video game xbox sharing--parents actually hear it/see it.

You might want to read all of the studies that cite swearing is a sign of intelligence...really :

https://lite.cnn.com/en/article/h_30a6757467e93031be4ff45910a2bfdb