Toddler refused to be called by real name

[Anonymous]

Not a big deal and a normal phase. Just let it go.

[Anonymous]

It’s respectful to call people what they want to be called. Sometimes kids decide very early they hate their name. Sometimes it’s just a passing phase. I’d use the name she wants. I’d handle the tantrums separately, the way you handle any other tantrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This started a few weeks ago where my 3 year old DD decided she no longer wanted to be call by her real name. She demands everyone to call her by the name of an animal character in a movie. I know this is probably another stage that will pass, but it is getting frustrating for me. Telling her I will only call her by her real name results in a meltdown. Should I just let her continue to have her fun or do I need to be correcting her?

I would play along. Funny my Mom hated her name and refused to be called it ( a very old lady name that probably will make a comeback) and they had to go with her nn. Nobody calls her by her "real" name since age 2 and she is almost 90 now!

For some reason I’m dying to know the name!

Mary? Gertrude? What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really, folks, parenting should have as light a touch as possible while keeping kids safe and motivated to do well. That means don’t shut them down. The scars from your controlling impulse during their brain growth years will last a lifetime.

Such a strange take.
Parenting is literally lovingly setting boundaries. This labeling of employing parental wisdom and discernment to guide and instruct our children as “controlling impulse” is a strange culture of fear. You can and should teach your child about norms and expectations. And about reality and pretend.
“Sweetie, we love that you have fun watching Paw Patrol! And it’s fun to pretend, isn’t it? When Mommy and Larlo are playing Paw Patrol, I can call you ‘Rubble’ but that’s the name of a pretend doggie. Larlo is what we call you when we’re not pretending.”
This is not unreasonable.
If tantrum ensues, you address the tantrum, not the name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pick your battles with your kid.

This one is not worth it.

+1

+2 Turning this into a power struggle is a waste of time and energy, OP. Your kid is being imaginative. Go with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, folks, parenting should have as light a touch as possible while keeping kids safe and motivated to do well. That means don’t shut them down. The scars from your controlling impulse during their brain growth years will last a lifetime.

Such a strange take.
Parenting is literally lovingly setting boundaries. This labeling of employing parental wisdom and discernment to guide and instruct our children as “controlling impulse” is a strange culture of fear. You can and should teach your child about norms and expectations. And about reality and pretend.
“Sweetie, we love that you have fun watching Paw Patrol! And it’s fun to pretend, isn’t it? When Mommy and Larlo are playing Paw Patrol, I can call you ‘Rubble’ but that’s the name of a pretend doggie. Larlo is what we call you when we’re not pretending.”
This is not unreasonable.
If tantrum ensues, you address the tantrum, not the name.

LOL that's a lot of words for picking a fight with a kid for no reason. Imagine being a person who insists a child can only play pretend while a screen is on, and then also decdiding that you should be giving parenting advice.

[Anonymous]

What’s the name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, folks, parenting should have as light a touch as possible while keeping kids safe and motivated to do well. That means don’t shut them down. The scars from your controlling impulse during their brain growth years will last a lifetime.

Such a strange take.
Parenting is literally lovingly setting boundaries. This labeling of employing parental wisdom and discernment to guide and instruct our children as “controlling impulse” is a strange culture of fear. You can and should teach your child about norms and expectations. And about reality and pretend.
“Sweetie, we love that you have fun watching Paw Patrol! And it’s fun to pretend, isn’t it? When Mommy and Larlo are playing Paw Patrol, I can call you ‘Rubble’ but that’s the name of a pretend doggie. Larlo is what we call you when we’re not pretending.”
This is not unreasonable.
If tantrum ensues, you address the tantrum, not the name.

LOL that's a lot of words for picking a fight with a kid for no reason. Imagine being a person who insists a child can only play pretend while a screen is on, and then also decdiding that you should be giving parenting advice.

Imagine not understanding that parenting takes lots of time and attention with your child.

[Anonymous]

I agree with addressing the tantrum if it occurs. But I also agree with not turning it into a battleground by insisting on her real name. But you're not going to remember the pretend name all the time, so definitely have conversations about how pretending is fun but you also picked out a real name for her (maybe talk about how you decided on the name).

[Anonymous]

Call her what she wants to be called.

[Anonymous]

Well that's adorable and I'd definitely go along. But I would also correct her on the tantrums and reinforce that you have to speak to people NICELY if you want them to do things for you. I know plenty of older kids that still rudely order their parents around and it's clear they never heard "you don't get what you want until you ask nicely, please try that again." How I'd handle it would depends on if she's a younger or older 3 and whether it's a legit "can't process this must meltdown" toddler tantrum or a preschool "scream until I can exercise control" situation.

[Anonymous]

I'd show her who's boss....take her down to the courthouse and legally change her name to whatever it is she's insisting upon being called. That'll teach her.

[Anonymous]

Call her by what she likes-- my DS wanted to be called Keisha at that age. I avoided this somewhat by using endearments, but yeah, sometimes I called him Keisha. He grew out of it, but is still creative.

[Anonymous]

My kids didn't' do this, but I insisted on being called 'Emergency' after my favorite TV show when I was 3. And I remember thinking if I thought about it hard enough and used my brain, it would change. My parents humored me and it lasted for, eh, a month until we forgot. My parents were generally really pretty strict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, folks, parenting should have as light a touch as possible while keeping kids safe and motivated to do well. That means don’t shut them down. The scars from your controlling impulse during their brain growth years will last a lifetime.

Such a strange take.
Parenting is literally lovingly setting boundaries. This labeling of employing parental wisdom and discernment to guide and instruct our children as “controlling impulse” is a strange culture of fear. You can and should teach your child about norms and expectations. And about reality and pretend.
“Sweetie, we love that you have fun watching Paw Patrol! And it’s fun to pretend, isn’t it? When Mommy and Larlo are playing Paw Patrol, I can call you ‘Rubble’ but that’s the name of a pretend doggie. Larlo is what we call you when we’re not pretending.”
This is not unreasonable.
If tantrum ensues, you address the tantrum, not the name.

LOL that's a lot of words for picking a fight with a kid for no reason. Imagine being a person who insists a child can only play pretend while a screen is on, and then also decdiding that you should be giving parenting advice.

Imagine not understanding that parenting takes lots of time and attention with your child.

Fighting with a kid over having an imagination is not lots of time and attention, and certainly not *more* time an attention than playing a game with them that want to play. You're just intentionally setting up a power struggle so that you can win. It's unnecessary and telling your kid to turn their imagination off as soon as the screen is off is not good parenting.