Do you say something when partner gets you something you don't like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who are happily in a committed relationship......do you say something when your partners gets a gift for you that you don't like?

He’s pretty spot on with my likes. It hardly happens at all and never with holiday or birthday gifts. However, sometimes he will bring me a food treat or a drink and it is so disgusting to me that I joke “Do you even know me at all?” Except now that has become an inside joke and when he absolutely nails an amazing gift or does something else that is exactly what is needed, I will say/text “DYEKMAA?”

I can’t say that I’m easy to please, but I have a fairly eclectic taste in music and clothing and am not fussy about foods except veal and the Unholy Trinity (mayo, ketchup, pickles). I think all flowers are beautiful.

[Anonymous]

If it’s over $500 or so, I would say something, but DH generally knows to get a receipt for anything that expensive.

Less, I gush even if I don’t like it much as I really appreciate the thought. But DH does notice if I use it or not, so he generally won’t repeat buying things I don’t use.

[Anonymous]

No. My mom always told us and my dad if she didn’t like the gifts we got, and it was kind of painful, particularly when we had spent a lot of time thinking about it.
It’s so easy to just smile and say “thank you.” It doesn’t have to become a treasured possession.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, be honest. Don’t have to be rude about it.

[Anonymous]

I have, but nicely.

"Sweetie, I love that you thought to get me something slinky like this leopard print negligee. I just feel like prints overwhelm my small frame, though, you know? I was thinking that something similar in black lace might look super hot, though. Why don't we make a date to go pick something out together? Then we can have lunch and make a fun day of it."

[Anonymous]

My DH is an awful gift giver and I struggle with this. He either gets nothing, gets something extravagant 100% not my taste or something so painfully practical (think my brand of pretty basic shampoo in maybe a bigger bottle kind of thing.) The thing about the extravagant gifts is they’ll often be from Etsy or a local artist so exchanging them is often out of the question. He sometimes will ask me for ideas and by now I try to be very specific so one example-a 16” fairly plain gold chain. This easy ask turned into him getting a 12” one at such a delicate size that you truly cannot see AND he got from a goldsmith on Etsy so very $$$$. I just thank him and add to my drawer with its mates of unloved gifts.

PS I do the ‘let’s not exchange gifts’ doesn’t work.

[Anonymous]

I sure do. I say “thank you, honey!” Like a civilized person.

[Anonymous]

I do but I was always raised in an environment where it's better to speak up if you don't like something than waste the money and have it sit there. Obviously there's a nice way to do this and show appreciation that the person was thinking of you.

My spouse feels the same way so I'm glad we're on the same page in this regard.

[Anonymous]

I really struggle with this one, too. My mom criticized every gift she received and I remember it ruining every gift-giving occasion. I vowed to not do that but sometimes DH comes across as really thoughtless on gifting. For example, dropping hints on things that I tell him I don't want, and then buying them anyhow. He bought me something I already had for a milestone birthday, which I told him I didn't want, but he insists "just in case the one you have ever breaks."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Who gets a gift and then says, "I don't like it"?

Rude.

I have told my husband over the years that I don't care for flowers as much as other gifts because it seems like a lot of money to spend on something so short-lived. But do I say it right after he hands me a bouquet? No.

I've told my DH the flower thing, too. Honestly, it got really excessive with dozens and dozens of roses being delivered to our home for no real reason. I'd rather give that up for a couple years and get a really nice designer bag with the money saved.

So he stopped. And I'm not getting that designer bag, it appears.

[Anonymous]

I have talked to my DH twice in our like, 12 year relationship. Both times it was because he got me something that made me feel like he put about ten half seconds worth of effort into it. This past Christmas was one, where he got me a couple random things and then, not an exaggeration, eight pairs of socks.

But I never complain if it just isn't my taste or whatever. As long as he thought about it, I'm happy.

[Anonymous]

I never said anything if they were inexpensive gifts, even after years of marriage. Somehow we segued into me giving him links to what I want, which works best for big gifts. I happily accept the smaller gifts he selects whether I like them or not. It's not worth the hurt feelings over a $40 trinket.

I ask him what he wants for bigger gifts, and this works best. I often buy him clothing when he needs it and he says my taste is always better than his, so he's happy. I ask him if he really likes stuff though and have no problem returning something he doesn't want.

[Anonymous]

My H learned early in our relationship that I'm very picky about clothing. So he rarely buys me clothes unless it's something I recommend. This past Christmas, however, he "went offlist" and got me a piece of clothing. I liked it a lot but it didn't fit...not because of the size, just the style didn't work with my body shape. He was fine with me returning the $100+ item. He's also learned which kind of flowers I tend to like (pretty much anything but roses). Plus, I've learned over the years things he likes and doesn't like, and what styles suit him best. If we didn't share our thoughts (in a kind way) how would we have gotten to this point? I'd rather have the feedback so I can do better next time instead of having something sitting in a closet or in a drawer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wait a while (like a month or two) and then if it was important I mention it as "next time I would like something more x or less y".

I've tried this. Still gets him defensive and upset.

[Anonymous]

Yes, DH and I both do. Neither of us take offense. We'd rather the other person have something they like than keep a gift they don't like just to spare feelings.

We are both conscientious about it, of course.