What has surprised you the most being pregnant and/or having a baby

[Anonymous]

How hard it can be to poop.

[Anonymous]

TMI but that the post-partum bleeding would have such a distinct and unpleasant odor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How selfish and catty my MIL is. I used to think she was a kind, warm, generous woman. I now realize she is an insecure, cruel woman. You learn a lot by how people treat you after you've carried a human in you for 9 months and then birthed that human. You learn a lot about who really cares about you.

+1 of this. My MIL thinks her grandchild is her own baby and my thoughts, beliefs, concerns go out the window.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Honestly once my OB retired due to COVID abs I had to find a new practice...how shitty maternal health care is in this country. Week 1-26 I had the same doctor who had treated me for 10+ years and then suddenly I was a number. It was awful. Every single thing was an “advocate for yourself” moment and I found that so exhausting and demoralizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That I’d have a hard time bonding with my baby and it’s still not 100% there. That I would have no problem leaving my baby to return to work and find it perplexing that women would quit their job and lose their independence over a baby. But there must be something wrong with me since I’m clearly an outlier.

Same. Don’t know how old your child is, but it took me until almost 2 years to really feel that I loved my child. Before that it was an endless slog of taking care of him, rising at night every 2 hours, warmly going through the motions. I never wanted to hurt him and cared for him carefully and dutifully. But I did not like it. He didn’t sleep through the night until around 2. I don’t think its a coincidence that my love for him poured in once he started giving me my sanity back.

I had no idea how much the temperament of your baby matters when it comes to your experience of the baby years. I have a highly sensitive child. The baby years were INTENSE. I see other women talk about how much they loved their children right away and how mesmerized they were by their babies and their smells and I truly feel...perplexed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That I’d have a hard time bonding with my baby and it’s still not 100% there. That I would have no problem leaving my baby to return to work and find it perplexing that women would quit their job and lose their independence over a baby. But there must be something wrong with me since I’m clearly an outlier.

You’re not an outlier!! People are just dishonest about this part. Most women I know, if they’re being honest, admit it took a while to truly bond. Heck, took me close to a year before he really felt like mine. For the first three months, I felt like I had a super needy houseplant. Don’t feel alone or ashamed of this feeling!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I’d have a hard time bonding with my baby and it’s still not 100% there. That I would have no problem leaving my baby to return to work and find it perplexing that women would quit their job and lose their independence over a baby. But there must be something wrong with me since I’m clearly an outlier.

You’re not an outlier!! People are just dishonest about this part. Most women I know, if they’re being honest, admit it took a while to truly bond. Heck, took me close to a year before he really felt like mine. For the first three months, I felt like I had a super needy houseplant. Don’t feel alone or ashamed of this feeling!

People aren't being dishonest, they just have different experiences. I think people who don't bond quickly find it harder to talk about it, which is why it's not talked about often.

[Anonymous]

Once the babies (twins) were here, how much resentment I felt that my husband and I could no longer go out for dinner or a movie on a whim - unless we could find a babysitter (and pay her $20/hour). I just felt... trapped. Not a problem during covid, though!

And I remember coming home from work when they were 4 months old, and seeing them there in the family room with their nanny, and just thinking -who ARE all of you people, and what are you doing in MY house!? Sometimes they felt like intruders or interlopers.

Typing this out sounds kind of negative... but you asked!

Oh, I have always thought Disney was dumb, but one of the best vacations of our life was taking our 2 year olds to Disney World. That place is made for families so it’s easy, and the kids had a BLAST - it was so much fun watching them have fun. Now they’re tweens and are jaded and unimpressed (and no longer free) and I’m back to feeling meh about Disney, but having babies made me transiently love Disney World theme parks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That I’d have a hard time bonding with my baby and it’s still not 100% there. That I would have no problem leaving my baby to return to work and find it perplexing that women would quit their job and lose their independence over a baby. But there must be something wrong with me since I’m clearly an outlier.

Hey its totally OK!! Everyone is different, and I will never want to stay home with any baby - I gotta work for my own sanity. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Bonding can be hard, it’s definitely not always automatic (wasn’t for me either, but we’re not supposed to say anything so I didn’t - that kid is 12 now and we’re as bonded as one can be with a 12 year old - basically tweens are really strange people and I have no idea what he’s doing most of the time or why).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I’d have a hard time bonding with my baby and it’s still not 100% there. That I would have no problem leaving my baby to return to work and find it perplexing that women would quit their job and lose their independence over a baby. But there must be something wrong with me since I’m clearly an outlier.

You’re not an outlier!! People are just dishonest about this part. Most women I know, if they’re being honest, admit it took a while to truly bond. Heck, took me close to a year before he really felt like mine. For the first three months, I felt like I had a super needy houseplant. Don’t feel alone or ashamed of this feeling!

People aren't being dishonest, they just have different experiences. I think people who don't bond quickly find it harder to talk about it, which is why it's not talked about often.

I do believe some women bond with their children right away. I’m jealous of those women. But according to my therapist, those women are in the minority. At one point, she said she thought maybe 5% of women have that glowy, happy, newborn experience that many women describe (in conversation, on this board, on Instagram, etc). Maybe she has a selection bias from only seeing women who are struggling to adjust to motherhood, but that was her take. If she’s right, it means a lot of women are glossing over their truth.

So, I tend to agree with the previous poster who said people are dishonest, except I wouldn’t say its dishonesty. I think there is actually immense pressure for women to LIKE being mothers, to make it look easy, to appreciate the “blessing” of children, etc. After you’ve had a kid, you can’t take it back. There’s something very American about not focusing on the negative...what’s the point in talking about how difficult it is? But I bet if women had the opportunity and space, socially, to admit that early motherhood really sucks and not be judged for it...many women more would express it. And I think that would help a great number of new mothers adjust their expectations and soldier on.

[Anonymous]

My kids are in their twenties, but I still get a ptsd type reaction from inconsolable newborn crying.

[Anonymous]

Sleep. I went into it thinking babies are aware of the ABCs of sleep and will LOVE that pretty bassinet I set up. Fast forward two years, child is still in my bed and will only sleep on the breast (and trust me we’ve tried it all). This was never my plan but it is what it is!