Reply to What has surprised you the most being pregnant and/or having a baby

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]That I’d have a hard time bonding with my baby and it’s still not 100% there.  That I would have no problem leaving my baby to return to work and find it perplexing that women would quit their job and lose their independence over a baby.  But there must be something wrong with me since I’m clearly an outlier.  [/quote]

You’re not an outlier!! People are just dishonest about this part. Most women I know, if they’re being honest, admit it took a while to truly bond. Heck, took me close to a year before he really felt like mine. For the first three months, I felt like I had a super needy houseplant.  Don’t feel alone or ashamed of this feeling![/quote]

People aren't being dishonest, they just have different experiences. I think people who don't bond quickly find it harder to talk about it, which is why it's not talked about often.[/quote]

I do believe some women bond with their children right away. I’m jealous of those women. But according to my therapist, those women are in the minority. At one point, she said she thought maybe 5% of women have that glowy, happy, newborn experience that many women describe (in conversation, on this board, on Instagram, etc). Maybe she has a selection bias from only seeing women who are struggling to adjust to motherhood, but that was her take. If she’s right, it means a lot of women are glossing over their truth.

So, I tend to agree with the previous poster who said people are dishonest, except I wouldn’t say its dishonesty. I think there is actually immense pressure for women to LIKE being mothers, to make it look easy, to appreciate the “blessing” of children, etc.  After you’ve had a kid, you can’t take it back. There’s something very American about not focusing on the negative...what’s the point in talking about how difficult it is? But I bet if women had the opportunity and space, socially, to admit that early motherhood really sucks and not be judged for it...many women more would express it. And I think that would help a great number of new mothers adjust their expectations and soldier on. [/quote]

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