My entire family takes me for granted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your family. You're supposed to love them with all your heart. When you have kids they are supposed to come first. They aren't ungrateful. They are doing what life calls depending on Mom.

Let your ego go and do what Moms do. Be Mom. What did you expect when you had kids ? Surely you had some idea. They are kids for God's sake. NOT SODS.

Now go be nice and kiss your kids. Tell them you love them. Make your house harmony based.

I was actually hoping there was a barf emoji but alas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to have a talk with your husband. He needs to start saying things like "Thanks Gemma, for cooking dinner for the family after working all day at your job. Everything tasted great!" and you both need to NOT use the word "help" when talking to or about DH doing things for the home or family.

And then you need to have a family meeting where you lay it all out for your kids. "I work full time just like Daddy does. We are equal partners. It's no more my job to clean the kitchen than it is Daddy's job to clean the kitchen. Etc."

This. We always thank whoever made the meal. It's probably almost exactly 50/50 between my husband and I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Because I am mom. Whereas Dad gets huge kudos for anytime he "helps" out -- "isn't it so great Dad made lunch today?" (as opposed to every other day when mom makes it?) How did I get here? I have tried hard to set equal gender expectations -- that both men and women have equal responsibility around the house, and in the above example, my 10 yo DD is telling me I should be appreciative of Dad, and when I point out that I do the bulk of it, she's like "well that your responsibility!" How the hell did I raise such an unfeminist daughter?

And yes, I have a job too. We are both working from home during this pandemic. They come to me for anything and everything (including things they can do themselves -- like get a snack). I tell them to ask their dad, and they're all "but he's working!" What do they think I'm doing?!

I feel like getting in the car and driving away from these ungrateful sods.

Here's your answer, OP: Your DH is probably driving this attitude.

I would not be surprised to learn that your DH often tells your children that he is great, he is the most wonderful daddy, he loves his girls/boys so much, etc. He has educated them that his work is important and his efforts are more valuable than yours are.

I imagine you also take care of discipline so he can retain his position as the fun and lovable parent.

Your 10 year old is spouting off comments about what YOUR role and responsibility as parent is. Who is she learning that from? Well, I'd say your DH.

As for you, stop being a doormat.

Next, begin by observing. See if it is true that your DH either overtly or subliminally gives your kids the impression he's the "valuable parent" and it's OK to take you for granted. If you can find a couple of examples take note. Then sit his butt down and tell him that comments like that are not acceptable.

Then see if he's willing to explain to the kids, with you present, that he might have made mistakes about your role and importance in your family. This is the time for him to declare his love, gratitude and respect for being his wife and their mother. And that he is going to do a better job of expressing that from now on, as should they.

If he won't do that then you may need a more forceful action like counseling. But I certainly would not sit by idly while my 10 year old tells ME what my role in the house is...that's not healthy behavior.

[Anonymous]

Your 10 yo should be making her own lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your family. You're supposed to love them with all your heart. When you have kids they are supposed to come first. They aren't ungrateful. They are doing what life calls depending on Mom.

Let your ego go and do what Moms do. Be Mom. What did you expect when you had kids ? Surely you had some idea. They are kids for God's sake. NOT SODS.

Now go be nice and kiss your kids. Tell them you love them. Make your house harmony based.

+1

[Anonymous]

You are too predictable. Any expression of ingratitude leads to me striking however long I feel like it. Saltines and Campbell's for dinner never killed anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your family. You're supposed to love them with all your heart. When you have kids they are supposed to come first. They aren't ungrateful. They are doing what life calls depending on Mom.

Let your ego go and do what Moms do. Be Mom. What did you expect when you had kids ? Surely you had some idea. They are kids for God's sake. NOT SODS.

Now go be nice and kiss your kids. Tell them you love them. Make your house harmony based.

+1

Sure yeah. I will just let my employer know that I missed the deadline because I love my children with all my heart. I am sure she will understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your family. You're supposed to love them with all your heart. When you have kids they are supposed to come first. They aren't ungrateful. They are doing what life calls depending on Mom.

Let your ego go and do what Moms do. Be Mom. What did you expect when you had kids ? Surely you had some idea. They are kids for God's sake. NOT SODS.

Now go be nice and kiss your kids. Tell them you love them. Make your house harmony based.

And then her husband can get her a new vacuum for her birthday too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your family. You're supposed to love them with all your heart. When you have kids they are supposed to come first. They aren't ungrateful. They are doing what life calls depending on Mom.

Let your ego go and do what Moms do. Be Mom. What did you expect when you had kids ? Surely you had some idea. They are kids for God's sake. NOT SODS.

Now go be nice and kiss your kids. Tell them you love them. Make your house harmony based.

And then her husband can get her a new vacuum for her birthday too.

Or just a robe.

[Anonymous]

Kids are self centered and not grateful for what they consider normal/the default. Get your validation elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your family. You're supposed to love them with all your heart. When you have kids they are supposed to come first. They aren't ungrateful. They are doing what life calls depending on Mom.

Let your ego go and do what Moms do. Be Mom. What did you expect when you had kids ? Surely you had some idea. They are kids for God's sake. NOT SODS.

Now go be nice and kiss your kids. Tell them you love them. Make your house harmony based.

So the Dad is off the hook, I guess? Too bad according to you, Dads don't love their families with all their hearts and cannot / should not be depended on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your family. You're supposed to love them with all your heart. When you have kids they are supposed to come first. They aren't ungrateful. They are doing what life calls depending on Mom.

Let your ego go and do what Moms do. Be Mom. What did you expect when you had kids ? Surely you had some idea. They are kids for God's sake. NOT SODS.

Now go be nice and kiss your kids. Tell them you love them. Make your house harmony based.

And then her husband can get her a new vacuum for her birthday too.

He doesn't need to get her anything. Did she get fat? Is she giving him sex? If not, he deserves an AP and she should just be grateful he sticks around.

Did I do the classic DCUM response right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your family. You're supposed to love them with all your heart. When you have kids they are supposed to come first. They aren't ungrateful. They are doing what life calls depending on Mom.

Let your ego go and do what Moms do. Be Mom. What did you expect when you had kids ? Surely you had some idea. They are kids for God's sake. NOT SODS.

Now go be nice and kiss your kids. Tell them you love them. Make your house harmony based.

And then her husband can get her a new vacuum for her birthday too.

Or just a robe.

A Peloton!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to have a talk with your husband. He needs to start saying things like "Thanks Gemma, for cooking dinner for the family after working all day at your job. Everything tasted great!" and you both need to NOT use the word "help" when talking to or about DH doing things for the home or family.

And then you need to have a family meeting where you lay it all out for your kids. "I work full time just like Daddy does. We are equal partners. It's no more my job to clean the kitchen than it is Daddy's job to clean the kitchen. Etc."

+1.