If you stayed home with your older kids, and then had another after a big age gap what did you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three and work FT; I can’t fathom having four and continuing to work FT (or, to have both parents working FT). It’s probably the biggest reason we didn’t have a fourth, since I love my career and want to keep working more than I want another kid. If you’re lukewarm about work, why continue with four kids?

I don't know if lukewarm is the right word. I started back at work in fall of 2019, so I worked in person for 7 months. I really liked it. The past 9 months while I've been working remotely, while also trying to educate 3 kids, and for the past couple months having severe morning sickness? That hasn't been much fun. I think that lots of people feel that way.

I also have a job with a schedule that is about as good as a working parent with lots of kids can get, so giving that up, if I wasn't going to be home for a few years gives me pause.

Sure—I agree that trying to work FT while also monitoring three kids on DL is awful. Would you be open to hiring help for them?

I also have a pretty ideal work schedule (in both COVID and non-COVID) times. I still can’t imagine having another kid and continuing to have both parents working FT. But, if you could get an au pair/nanny, maybe it’s doable? It also depends on how involved you want to be with your kids. Four kids have a lot of activities, medical appointments, homework they need help with, etc. etc. But if you’re fine with outsourcing a good chunk of that, and you can afford to do so, then I think it can work.

We have some help now, and my DH is working from home too. It's not awful, it's just not fun.

[Anonymous]

I stayed home with the second too. It pretty much was the death knell for my career. But I'm okay with that. I started my own small business that has its own rewards and is a good small source of income.

[Anonymous]

My SIL had 3 kids, waited 8 years, and then had a 4th. She decided to SAH with her 4th, despite managing to work (sometimes full time and sometimes part time) up until that point.

From what I understand, her older kids had lots of continued activities, so they still needed her, and the baby did, too. They have grandparents in the area to help, so my SIL can still find time to be with the kids individually. They are also more financial stable as her husband was promoted to his current position about 4 years before the youngest was born.

FWIW, we have four kids and I work FT and it’s actually getting harder as my kids are getting older. Very much thinking of becoming a SAHP, but want to wait until the pandemic ends - it’s a crazy time to be making decisions.