How to decline the Christmas Day zoom without sounding like an asshole

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I think enjoyment of zoom gatherings might cut along introvert/extrovert lines or somewhere close to it. I hate them, they feel intrusive, my child hates them and literally hides under the bed, which makes the whole thing extra unpleasant. But not only do extroverts enjoy them, they think it’s such a low effort activity that I feel like it’s very hard to say no, unlike an invitation to do something in real life that I don’t particularly want to do!

[Anonymous]

OP again. Just to further complicate the issue. I’m a single mom. Part of me wonders if I’m getting so many zoom invites because people think we must be lonely and sad and are reaching out as a favor to ME!

[Anonymous]

What about you set up a Zoom meeting and email the link to everyone who is asking, and say: We will be online only between 2-2:30 on Christmas if you want to say hi! And make it clear it is an open meeting, not individual. That way people are coming to you, you have control over the length of the meeting, and if they can't make it then, that's on them. My H has a big family and I could see how it could get overwhelming if everyone asked for individual times to meet...we just do one big Zoom, it gets a little crazy but it's over after 30-45 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Just say you’ll be happy to call them and then send photos of your DD opening presents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I think enjoyment of zoom gatherings might cut along introvert/extrovert lines or somewhere close to it. I hate them, they feel intrusive, my child hates them and literally hides under the bed, which makes the whole thing extra unpleasant. But not only do extroverts enjoy them, they think it’s such a low effort activity that I feel like it’s very hard to say no, unlike an invitation to do something in real life that I don’t particularly want to do!

I hate them too OP. I feel like everyone is shouting and it is annoying and awkward.

I would decline the invitation and say DD just doesn’t cooperate with them-it isn’t her thing and you want her to enjoy her Christmas.

[Anonymous]

This is easy. Say you love them, can’t wait to plan an in person visit, but you are just going to be enjoying the day with DD without screens.

[Anonymous]

Here are the types of things I say

- to my extrovert sister who loves huge holiday zooms - I can’t. They are overwhelming and not enjoyable. Let’s talk on the phone instead. The kids (cousins) can catch up on their own.

To my elderly aunt that lives alone - I suck it up and we have the FaceTime call but keep it short. I talk mostly and call the kids over to pop on and say hi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“We’re taking a Zoom break, but I can call you on Saturday. What time works?”

this

[Anonymous]

Just say that your daughter doesn't seem to want to participate in them and runs and hides.

[Anonymous]

"I'm sorry. We have plan! Have a Merry Christmas!"

[Anonymous]

But not only do extroverts enjoy them, they think it’s such a low effort activity that I feel like it’s very hard to say no, unlike an invitation to do something in real life that I don’t particularly want to do!

No, nobody enjoys them. They are awkward and it is hard not to speak over one another. Extroverts probably just feel more compelled to push through them to reinforce the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Zoom calls for work calls or schools are different than Zoom calls for family members you apparently care for on a holiday in 2020 when a lot of the people are missing some form of normalcy. So, you are being a lil assholey, so don't worry about sounding like one.

Ignore this poster. Some people really enjoy constant zoom calls and others do not. They are exhausting, and yes, after doing them for work, I have little desire to do them for social reasons. Especially since people always want to throw in some ridiculous game or assignment. OP is agreeing to zoom with the immediate grandparents. That is enough. Multiple zoom calls are not good for young children.

OP, just say you are planning for a lovely non-screen day at home and enjoying time with your child. If people are offended it is on them, not you.

[Anonymous]

Join in a for a bit. Do not insist your daughter participates. Depart politely when you have had enough. It has been great to say hello...DD and I have lots of new toys from Santa to enjoy and cookies to bake. Merry Christmas!

[Anonymous]

We will limit our calls to 5-10 minutes tops. We will likely have 4-5 calls so it's no big effort on our part. I don't like Zoom calls but I do love my family and friends. Just suck it up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We will limit our calls to 5-10 minutes tops. We will likely have 4-5 calls so it's no big effort on our part. I don't like Zoom calls but I do love my family and friends. Just suck it up!

Difference in perspective— 4-5 calls sounds like a ton to me and like a miserable way to spend a holiday.