I thought I knew what homophobic meant...but now its changed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on now, OP. Like racism, homophobia isn't always overt. In many cases, yes, a parent saying their child is confused about being gay or bi does come from a place of homophobia.

I didnt say a parent said their child IS confused, but that they MIGHT be confused. That is a big difference.

Being open minded means allowing for a "maybe". THe presentation was not at all that being one way or another was not acceptable. The sense I got was that merely asking the question as to whether the child is confused was being equated with being homophobic PERIOD. I dont get it.

Do people also wonder if their straight kids are confused? Since you seem to think this question is just a totally normal question with no negative bias.

Im sure its happened! Esp. if the parent had reason to think otherwise!

You’re being willfully obtuse

[Anonymous]

OP here: Ok, wait a minute, I just thought of another way to try to ask my question.

Do gay parents assume their child will be gay? The answer I would give to that is no, but its possible I think this because every gay parent Ive met has indicated they have no idea what their child will be. They keep an open mind.

This was when the kids were young.

So to me it seems normal to NOT assume. Therefore not assuming means asking the question.

I dont think these gay parents have latent homophobia or bias because they think their kid could end up straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Homophobic to me means: an intense fear or distaste for all persons and topics homosexual, possibly due (but not necessarily due) to repressed same sex attraction.

I know homophobes exist. I have not yet had the misfortune of meeting one.

What I see a lot, though, is the term being used immediately without any such burden of proof whatsoever. So, when a parent merely said that perhaps their child was confused about being gay or bi, the use of the word "confused" was enough for another poster to speculate they were homophobic, despite the posters explanation, and then someone else jumped in to confirm that the post was "definitely" homophobic.

I am not the OP of that thread, but seeing it reminded me of other similar things Ive seen elsewhere, so I wanted to ask

Has the term homophobic come to encompass something like, say, a parent assuming their child is straight (from observation/missing other cues, whatever the reason) and then expressing uncertainty the child is accurate in saying they are gay or bi?

Would it be ok for a person who is gay with a child they assumed to be gay (based on observation/missing other cues, whatever the reason) to express uncertainty their child is accurate in saying they are straight?

Because for some reason it seems that parental observation and bias are being equated, and I feel or at least I hope any actual parent would understand these things are always the same. They CAN be, but they must not always be.

OP, I believe it was I who posted in the other thread about how a parent suggesting their child is “confused” can possibly be conflated with homophobia.
Unless one is obtuse, surely it can be understood that homophobia can mean more than literally “fear of homosexuals” and does not mean that anything short of beating up gay people is not homophobia.

I am a female and first came out as gay in my teens. My parents said I was “confused”. They clearly did not want me to be gay, and would bet that most parents who respond to their kid coming out by suggesting they are “confused” do not want their child to be gay and will say things that may seem subtle and innocuous but are in fact very damaging. Parents and others make these comments with the (possibly subconscious) intent of overcoming the characteristic of their child’s sexual orientation.

My parents said similar and other things about my cousins and my aunt when they came out. I internalized this, and ended up having few really bad relationships with men and then marrying a man. Years later I divorced him and I am older and out and have it together enough to not care what other people think. But to a young person who is just trying to figure things out, it is NOT HELPFUL to hear that you’re “just confused.”

[Anonymous]

Same thing with the word racist. It used to mean that you wanted to hang black people. Now days people use it any time you treat black people as an inferior race or just don’t want to interact with them.