Reply to I thought I knew what homophobic meant...but now its changed?

Forum Index » LGBTQIA+ Issues and Relationship Discussion

Reply to "I thought I knew what homophobic meant...but now its changed?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Homophobic to me means: an intense fear or distaste for all persons and topics homosexual, possibly due (but not necessarily due) to repressed same sex attraction.

I know homophobes exist. I have not yet had the misfortune of meeting one.

What I see a lot, though,  is the term being used immediately without any such burden of proof whatsoever. So, when a parent merely said that perhaps their child was confused about being gay or bi, the use of the word "confused" was enough for another poster to speculate they were homophobic, despite the posters explanation, and then someone else jumped in to confirm that the post was "definitely" homophobic.

I am not the OP of that thread, but seeing it reminded me of other similar things Ive seen elsewhere, so I wanted to ask

Has the term homophobic come to encompass something like, say, a parent assuming their child is straight (from observation/missing other cues, whatever the reason) and then expressing uncertainty the child is accurate in saying they are gay or bi?

Would it be ok for a person who is gay with a child they assumed to be gay (based on observation/missing other cues, whatever the reason) to express uncertainty their child is accurate in saying they are straight?

Because for some reason it seems that parental observation and bias are being equated, and I feel or at least I hope any actual parent would understand  these things are always the same. They CAN be, but they must not always be.

[/quote]

OP, I believe it was I who posted in the other thread about how a parent suggesting their child is “confused” can possibly be conflated with homophobia.
Unless one is obtuse, surely it can be understood that homophobia can mean more than literally “fear of homosexuals” and does not mean that anything short of beating up gay people is not homophobia.

I am a female and first came out as gay in my teens. My parents said I was “confused”. They clearly did not want me to be gay, and would bet that most parents who respond to their kid coming out by suggesting they are “confused” do not want their child to be gay and will say things that may seem subtle and innocuous but are in fact very damaging. Parents and others make these comments with the (possibly subconscious) intent of overcoming the characteristic of their child’s sexual orientation.

My parents said similar and other things about my cousins and my aunt when they came out. I internalized this, and ended up having few really bad relationships with men and then marrying a man. Years later I divorced him and I am older and out and have it together enough to not care what other people think. But to a young person who is just trying to figure things out, it is NOT HELPFUL to hear that you’re “just confused.”[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics