Lessons from your 40s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but why all the advice about health? What if getting fat isn’t a concern? I’m nearing 40 and looking for more motivation to be healthy.

Quality of life factors go beyond whether you're fat or not. Working out regularly makes me just feel good. I have fewer aches and pains and I walk down the street feeling ready for whatever comes my way.

[Anonymous]

If you're a woman do not underestimate how much change is coming. It hits when the kids are getting older, and ironically more demanding, your parents are aging, people you know are getting divorced or bad medical diagnoses, you start to stall at work, your body changes and on top of it all you start to have increased insomnia, brain fog and anxiety.

You may think you're going crazy. You are not. It will get better but things to help include staying active, nurturing your relationships, being kind to yourself (REALLY. My 40s is when I finally started recognizing how much I prioritized doing for everyone before myself), love the kids for who they are.

[Anonymous]

babies are fun and fulfilling

[Anonymous]

I read the earlier comments - it's interesting it's less about "lessons" about life and more about HOW TO STAY FIT FIT FIT FIT FIT FIT SINCE WOMEN ARE THE SOCIAL SAFETY NET OF AMERICA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Invest in your health. Nothing is more precious.

Seriously.

Not only this, but revel in the fact that you are healthy (if indeed you are). Out of the blue I was diagnosed with cancer at age 44 when DD was 7. Had been perfectly healthy to that point. Don't take feeling good for granted (of course, that's a covid lesson too).

Also enjoy as much kid time as you can, all the silly stuff and cuddling because that phase really will be over in a blink of an eye once middle school hits. But know that although your relationship with your kids will change and even when things get super hard during adolescence both you and they should emerge unscathed by the time you're in your 50s and they're in college!

Same here but my daughter was 3. Take nothing for granted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're a woman do not underestimate how much change is coming. It hits when the kids are getting older, and ironically more demanding, your parents are aging, people you know are getting divorced or bad medical diagnoses, you start to stall at work, your body changes and on top of it all you start to have increased insomnia, brain fog and anxiety.

You may think you're going crazy. You are not. It will get better but things to help include staying active, nurturing your relationships, being kind to yourself (REALLY. My 40s is when I finally started recognizing how much I prioritized doing for everyone before myself), love the kids for who they are.

OP here. Thanks for this response and all the others. Ironically it seems the theme is to prioritize your own health in your 40s so that you can feel good and be more useful to everyone else in your life. I agree with this notion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're a woman do not underestimate how much change is coming. It hits when the kids are getting older, and ironically more demanding, your parents are aging, people you know are getting divorced or bad medical diagnoses, you start to stall at work, your body changes and on top of it all you start to have increased insomnia, brain fog and anxiety.

You may think you're going crazy. You are not. It will get better but things to help include staying active, nurturing your relationships, being kind to yourself (REALLY. My 40s is when I finally started recognizing how much I prioritized doing for everyone before myself), love the kids for who they are.

Thank you for this. I’m 42, feeling the perimenopause coming on, with 12 and 9 year olds barreling into puberty, and parents aging. So much change happening, plus the pandemic—feel like I’m losing my damn mind!

[Anonymous]

Enjoy every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read the earlier comments - it's interesting it's less about "lessons" about life and more about HOW TO STAY FIT FIT FIT FIT FIT FIT SINCE WOMEN ARE THE SOCIAL SAFETY NET OF AMERICA

So so true. The older I get the more I think why didn’t I stay in Europe where women don’t have to choose between a career and children? Where no one is surprised by an illness or a parent’s needs for caregiving? It’s like we are surprised that people get sick or old.

[Anonymous]

+++ to the people who advised you to pay attention to your health and fitness. I don't mean weight, not at all. For me, I've never been and never will be thin. Best decision I made in my 40's was to refocus and make time for activities that made me feel good and strong and flexible -- Yoga, Zumba, swimming in the summer and walking year round.

[Anonymous]

Less is more.
And for 40 years you thought it was their fault... Nope it’s been your fault all along.

[Anonymous]

1. Take care of you. Exercise, stay strong. You’ll need all the energy to take care of others
2. Beef up on financial savings and stay focus. Layoffs and career transition will happen. Give yourself room to navigate the change without loosing your shirt.
3. Focus on internal family unit. Spend time together. Focus on family so you still have relevance through retirement and empty nest.
4. Stay vigilant and present in your kids life so they can launch

That’s all I got...

[Anonymous]

There is a "U" Curve of Happiness (google it). Now it's based on age, but underlying that is the stage in your life you are at. So what I want to stress here is that it may get worse it's not a straight line down into hell. LOL

And also on that note, if your kids as teenagers get hellish, and it just gets worse and worse, it does NOT mean that it's a straight line of "Worse-ity" going upward with them, either. Somewhere in there their frontal lobe starts kicking in, and they get nicer and more thoughtful and less selfish. I can only say this because I'm still in shock that one of mine has turned around. I still have PTSD about that one, but when I step back, I think, wow, although she still has her moments, she hasn't really been so difficult in a while, now.

[Anonymous]

It's great to take care of health - and I work out six or seven days a week. But I have afib that started at 61 and it has thrown my life into turmoil.

You could be Jack LaLanne and things still happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a "U" Curve of Happiness (google it). Now it's based on age, but underlying that is the stage in your life you are at. So what I want to stress here is that it may get worse it's not a straight line down into hell. LOL

And also on that note, if your kids as teenagers get hellish, and it just gets worse and worse, it does NOT mean that it's a straight line of "Worse-ity" going upward with them, either. Somewhere in there their frontal lobe starts kicking in, and they get nicer and more thoughtful and less selfish. I can only say this because I'm still in shock that one of mine has turned around. I still have PTSD about that one, but when I step back, I think, wow, although she still has her moments, she hasn't really been so difficult in a while, now.

Yes- hard agree on the teen comment. At maybe 16/17 gets better and goes up from there.