Parents with daughters with long hair...

[Anonymous]

I don’t find hair length to be very challenging if the hair is straight. My 7 year old has hair down to mid or lower back. She can wash and brush it herself, although she sometimes prefers that I do it and I am still willing to humor her. Her hair is straight and very easy to brush after a shower or dry.

My 5 year old has 3a/3b curls, and I suspect I'll be assisting with her hair care for years. After washing her hair (usually with conditioner only), I spray in additional leave in conditioner, comb out, and braid. After a few days, I undo the braids, retreat and recomb the hair (without a full washing) and make a new hairdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Until middle school. My DD is also black/white and has 2b/3a curls. I wanted her hair in braids or twists for school. In 6th grade, she wanted it down. There was a lot of friction damage and it only started to regain length during the quarantine.

If it helps, I think most AA/mixed girls go through this. I vividly remember this happening to me (and my friends) in 6th grade or so. By high school I was a hair pro.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has fine, wavy, fly away hair that tangles easily. In my experience, it is much easier to manage when it is long - just past the shoulders or so.
1. Hair tangles from the ends. At this length, I can grab a hunk with one hand and brush with the other, making it a less painful. Impossible to do this with a chin length bob.
2. At this length it’s easy to do a quick braid, which keeps hair untangled.
3. I’ve always found women who cluck and fuss about the hair of little girls who do not belong to them to be across the board unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

At 10, my daughter can manage 99% herself. I just occasionally check for tangles and do extra brushing if I find them. She has straight but not fine hair and prefers to wear it in a ponytail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Until middle school. My DD is also black/white and has 2b/3a curls. I wanted her hair in braids or twists for school. In 6th grade, she wanted it down. There was a lot of friction damage and it only started to regain length during the quarantine.

My DD has thick 2b/3a hair with 3b on the underside (not mixed but blessed with very combo hair). I was helping her with her hair until she was about 10 (mine is 3a-3c). She is 13 now and really has a much better understanding of what it takes to care for her hair (and she is capable of it on her own). It is very long and admittedly does not always look terrific (really depends on the amount of effort she wants to put into it daily— but it’s not because she can’t do it, it’s because she chooses not to).

[Anonymous]

As a woman whose mother fussed over my hair constantly as a child, and dictated a lot of my hair choices, even into high school, let me tell you: give your daughter some control over her hair. A lot, even! I’d rather have a daughter with tangles in her long hair than one who doesn’t feel that her preferences matter with respect to a part of her own body. It’s a really unhealthy dynamic.

My daughter (6 yrs old) likes her hair long and hates bangs. We have a rule that it has to be brushed once a day to keep tangles from getting too bad. Usually she brushes it and then gets an assist from DH or I if there are some tangles she can’t get through (there’s a spot on the back of her head that always tangles, no matter the length).

Other than that, we stay hands off. I trim it regularly for health, but never more than an inch unless she says she wants more cut. And we only make her do ponytails or braids if it needs to be out of her face for a practical reason (eating messy food, sports) or vet occasionally for family photos.

[Anonymous]

My kid was doing this herself from age 6 until 7.5, but it recently got SO ridiculously long (COVID, no cuts, she wanted it long) that it started tangling much more and I think it just became taxing, so I started doing it lest her hair stay a rat's nest.

I had very long hair myself as a kid and have never had short hair-- mine is currently also pretty long. I like long hair! But even I recently had to say, "This is unsustainable. Either you have to brush it yourself twice a day so it won't tangle so much, or get Daddy to cut it." She decided she was up for a change and just had DH cut it chin length! She's thrilled.

This isn't going to work for every kid-- I never would have gone for it at her age-- but I'm relieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing more pathetic than a poor little girl with long stringy hair she can’t handle.

except a girl with a crappy boy haircut.

False dichotomy. There’s a lot of ground between long, scraggly hair and a “boy haircut”, whatever that means in this day and age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let my 7 yo brush and style hers most mornings, sometimes I step in to help or re-do. I also braid it for her after a shower: if she sleeps in braids it's pretty manageable the next day.

I had my parents french braid mine through high school, because I never learned to french braid my own (can do others). When I moved out I switched to other styles, and eventually got it cut.

Omg, this is so embarrassing. Please never tell anyone this ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing more pathetic than a poor little girl with long stringy hair she can’t handle.

except a girl with a crappy boy haircut.

False dichotomy. There’s a lot of ground between long, scraggly hair and a “boy haircut”, whatever that means in this day and age.

They are two sides of the same sexist coin. The first poster imposing an unnecessary beauty standard on a child (who cares?), and the second is being unnecessarily binary about gendered hair.

It’s like how my parents comment incessantly on my nephews hair, which is long because he likes it that way and it’s easier to deal with. They won’t just come out and say “Boys shouldn’t have long hair” because they know that’s not PC. So instead they just fixate on his hair, saying things like “I just don’t know what to think about his hair” or “how much longer do you think this will go on?”

It’s just hair, people! It does not matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still bushing my almost 11 yo’s hair. Still trying to convince her that her pandemic hair needs several inches cut.

You can tell her a lady you (don't) know on the internet (Hi! I'm Lauren) had really long hair and just cut off six inches on Friday night and can report back that although it's distinctly shorter than it was, everyone in my family agrees I still fit in the category of having "long" hair. It's now at the bottom of my shoulder blades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Until middle school. My DD is also black/white and has 2b/3a curls. I wanted her hair in braids or twists for school. In 6th grade, she wanted it down. There was a lot of friction damage and it only started to regain length during the quarantine.

If it helps, I think most AA/mixed girls go through this. I vividly remember this happening to me (and my friends) in 6th grade or so. By high school I was a hair pro.

That makes me feel better. I felt awful making her cut it at one point so that it was not so broken off in the back. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

AA daughter with 3b hair, she was able to do it by age 8. She was able to condition, detangle, and go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing more pathetic than a poor little girl with long stringy hair she can’t handle.

You are more pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Thigh-length hair here.

DD is 10 and cannot untangle her hair by herself. Her hair goes down to mid-thigh. It's thin and breakable and tangles like crazy.
That type of hair really has no business being long, but... it's my daughter's great joy. So, I deal with it.

I console myself with the thought that Austrian Empress Elizabeth (Sissi, if you saw the movies) had floor length hair that was untangled carefully for hours every day by her hairdresser and assistants, and while this was done, she had Hungarian lessons and attended to other business. Her hairdresser had orders to show her the number of hairs captured on the combs, so she could see whether they'd been careful enough.

At one point, DD's hair will have to be cut or she'll have to untangle it herself, because we don't live a "daily hairdresser" type of life, but we can wait a while to decide that. Every evening, she reads in bed while I untangle her hair. It's braided the rest of the time. she sleeps on a silk pillowcase and has a specific technique for washing and drying it.