The epitome of gaslighting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how did the 11 year old feel when he stormed out?

Thankfully, it was right at the end of the show, there was like 5 minutes left, and he initially just left the room. My daughter went upstairs to FaceTime with friends and thankfully never even knrw he had left the house. I went into our bedroom to open a discussion and found him gone! So technically, neither one of us knew when/that he left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do with people would watch the movie. It IS a way overused term. The move is fantastic.

I have seen the movie and believe this is gaslighting. Trying to get someone to believe something that is objectively true actually isn't on some whim, and that it's actually "common sense", I think is gaslighting.

Maybe you saw it too long ago. The OP isn't questioning her reality. She is questioning why her husband has double standards and is blowing up at her for essentially what he is doing.

I'm the OP. Huh. Got it. Used the wrong term! I really thought of this as gaslighting and stand corrected!

OP you are very good about self reflection and correction. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do with people would watch the movie. It IS a way overused term. The move is fantastic.

I have seen the movie and believe this is gaslighting. Trying to get someone to believe something that is objectively true actually isn't on some whim, and that it's actually "common sense", I think is gaslighting.

Maybe you saw it too long ago. The OP isn't questioning her reality. She is questioning why her husband has double standards and is blowing up at her for essentially what he is doing.

I'm the OP. Huh. Got it. Used the wrong term! I really thought of this as gaslighting and stand corrected!

OP you are very good about self reflection and correction. Seriously.

I hope you update us, OP. I feel for you!

[Anonymous]

God damn isn’t swearing at all and BS is not really swearing either, definitely nowhere close to the f bomb.

[Anonymous]

I’m on Team You Both are in the Wrong.

He’s actually not totally being a hypocrite - there’s a difference between name calling, which you did and which is more hurtful and harmful, and simply swearing. It’s not clear that you get that or that he knows that you get that.

He was immature for storming off and leaving without discussion. At least he could have told you that he needed to cool down before he was ready to discuss. But it doesn’t seem like you picked a great time or way to bring up hos swearing. Maybe a few days later, in a gentle tone and in private, would have been better. Or just letting it go.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I am so glad every day that I didn't marry a drama man baby. Who has time for all that?

[Anonymous]

Yeah. He sounds like a total manbaby loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m on Team You Both are in the Wrong.

He’s actually not totally being a hypocrite - there’s a difference between name calling, which you did and which is more hurtful and harmful, and simply swearing. It’s not clear that you get that or that he knows that you get that.

He was immature for storming off and leaving without discussion. At least he could have told you that he needed to cool down before he was ready to discuss. But it doesn’t seem like you picked a great time or way to bring up hos swearing. Maybe a few days later, in a gentle tone and in private, would have been better. Or just letting it go.

OP here. Yeah, when we talked again, this came out. My timing did stink, you're right. It was in a fun moment, and I shouldn't have done that and chosen a different time.

However, I never called him names. I'm not sure where that's coming from. I think my actual words were "I'm not your f-ing secretary." It was wrong still, but I didn't name call.

After more discussion, I think he really does believe that BS and GD aren't swear words. I'm sort of shocked by that, but OK. I ended it (hopefully) with that he's certainly entitled to his opinion, but he's not entitled to mine, and I'm of the opinion that they are, in that I also wouldn't want our daughter repeating them.

[Anonymous]

My kids are much younger and have most certainly heard me BS and GD my way through quarantine. They don't repeat it, they know they're "adult words". I'm raising them in a puritanical fashion, it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Not to...gaslight you, but that isn't quite was gaslighting is, as others have pointed out.

However, I don't think that excuses his overreaction. In my opinion it's never really about what it seems to be about. Maybe approach him and say "I felt like when you left the other day it was a very strong reaction to what the circumstances were. Is there anything else bothering you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's a new one for you. I dropped the F bomb at my husband a few weeks ago in a moment of frustration. He went OFF on me (rightfully so) about using that sort of language at him or around our 11 year old. Got it, I took my lumps, agreed with him, vowed to do better, etc. I genuinely regretted it and honestly don't make a habit out of it, and I genuinely agreed with him that it was wrong.

Last night, we're watching Nickelodeon's Top Elf, cute little crafting competition show for kids, with our daughter. He starts calling decisions "bull $h!t" and "G-d d@!#" this and that, in a joking manner, but still swearing up a storm. I, also joking and lighthearted, said "wow, can we stop swearing our way through a kids' show?"

He got so mad he stormed out and left the house! We had separate plans today and I literally hadn't seen him until not long ago, when he called my a hypocrite that I would ever correct him when I use actual swear words. I was like, huh? I said, BS and GD are actual swear words, and if we're going to hold each other accountable, which I agree with, it has to be a two-way street. He said it's common sense that BS and GD are not swear words.

This is my life....

Blowing up at little things and storming out like that can mean there is somebody on the side. They get triggered easily and have reactions that don't match the 'offense' when they are keeping secrets like that. It was the biggest tip off for me.

I can't roll my eyes hard enough at this response, but

[Anonymous]

Gas lighting would be if you heard him swear and said to him, "please don't swear" and he said, "I didn't swear. I never swear. You are imagining things. You are the problem. You are crazy. You are always making things up...."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do with people would watch the movie. It IS a way overused term. The move is fantastic.

I have seen the movie and believe this is gaslighting. Trying to get someone to believe something that is objectively true actually isn't on some whim, and that it's actually "common sense", I think is gaslighting.

No, that's not gaslighting.

[Anonymous]

Oh for the love.

Are these the same posters who hijacked the PTSD thread with definitions? The horse has been beat, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on Team You Both are in the Wrong.

He’s actually not totally being a hypocrite - there’s a difference between name calling, which you did and which is more hurtful and harmful, and simply swearing. It’s not clear that you get that or that he knows that you get that.

He was immature for storming off and leaving without discussion. At least he could have told you that he needed to cool down before he was ready to discuss. But it doesn’t seem like you picked a great time or way to bring up hos swearing. Maybe a few days later, in a gentle tone and in private, would have been better. Or just letting it go.

OP here. Yeah, when we talked again, this came out. My timing did stink, you're right. It was in a fun moment, and I shouldn't have done that and chosen a different time.

However, I never called him names. I'm not sure where that's coming from. I think my actual words were "I'm not your f-ing secretary." It was wrong still, but I didn't name call.

After more discussion, I think he really does believe that d GD aren't swear words. I'm sort of shocked by that, but OK. I ended it (hopefully) with that he's certainly entitled to his opinion, but he's not entitled to mine, and I'm of the opinion that they are, in that I also wouldn't want our daughter repeating them.

I agree with the others. He’s a man baby. I’m sure it will blow over. Along with being entitled to you own opinions, just agree on what is ok and not okay to say in front of children. And then know you’ll mess up, because we all do. I’ve accidentally dropped the F bomb and so has my DH.

This just made me wonder, no one says, “woman-baby.” What’s the equivalent? Is there one? Hmmmm....