Getting Over Age Difference..

[Anonymous]

Are you attracted to him? I never dated someone that much older, because they look older. Competed to a hard bodied 31 year old guy, 40 looks ancient. Receding hairline, decreased muscle tone. Sagging jawline. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 31 and met a man recently who has been insistent I give him a chance and go on a date. I do like him but he's much older than I envisioned a man I would date. He's 40 and never married. He wants to get married and have a family. Am I stupid to let age come between what might be good for me?

Hard pass. This man is nothing to you and already thinks he can tell you what to do? Nope!

This! He also sounds like a total wuss. He is also almost a decade older than you and will life that way. Run!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:31 and 40 is not an age difference.

Yeah, that's why so many 31 year old men are seeking 40 year old women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I fund that men that old who’ve never been married are damaged.

My DH was 36 when we met, got married when he was 39. Never married. Married now 20 years, for the most part, happyily. He does a lot at home, and with the kids, makes a good living. Not damaged at all. He was a great catch. He just never thought marriage was necessary. He had been in LTR, but when we started dating, he said he knew I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

He is six years older than I am. For many people, especially men, it takes a lot more time to reach a maturity level to settle down and have a family. I'm glad DH didn't feel pressure to get married and have kids in his early 30s. He was not ready for it, not that he was "ready" in his 40s, but certainly, he was that much more mature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 31 and met a man recently who has been insistent I give him a chance and go on a date. I do like him but he's much older than I envisioned a man I would date. He's 40 and never married. He wants to get married and have a family. Am I stupid to let age come between what might be good for me?

Hard pass. This man is nothing to you and already thinks he can tell you what to do? Nope!

Yup. Hard pass. Too old and too pushy and lacks social skills.

Agree. The age difference is a red herring. If you like him, go out with him. But his being "insistent" that you date him is a red flag. Don't ignore it.

[Anonymous]

31 and 40 isn't really a big age difference. You're both relatively in the same stage of life. 9 years would be different if, say, it was 16 and 25 - for obvious reasons! But at this point, you're both grown adults with experience in the real world who are hopefully emotionally mature enough to both navigate this relationship. Don't let it bother you!

When I opened this thread, I definitely expected a bigger age gap. Maybe 31 and 51. But 31 and 40? No problem.

[Anonymous]

Don't do things because someone is insistent (ie. pressuring you).

He is asking for what he wants. That could be totally unrelated to what you want. (Some older men choose younger women because they are easier to control/manipulate).

Trust your instincts, not someone else's sales pitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:31 and 40 is not an age difference. There are other red flags, but age isn't one of them.

It doesn't have to be, but it can be. It's probably worth a date if she's attracted to him, but she shouldn't bother if its something that she has to talk herself into. There are plenty of single men her age to date.

[Anonymous]

I don't know that 9 years is too large an age difference. Only you can make that decision and it's probably a sliding scale based on how much you like the guy.

More critical than the age difference, I think, is rather you're at the same stage in your life. You say he's ready to have a family, are you?

Also, while a 31 and 40 year old are both in the same general stage of life, depending how you age, it may become more significant later. On the other hand, depending on genes and lifestyle, the older one could be more active and independent longer.

Talking about marriage and family before a first date seems to be rushing things a bit, and those aren't things that should be rushed. Could you spend time together as friends and see what happens? To me, regardless of age, I'd be wary of anyone in a hurry to tie the knot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you attracted to him? I never dated someone that much older, because they look older. Competed to a hard bodied 31 year old guy, 40 looks ancient. Receding hairline, decreased muscle tone. Sagging jawline. No thanks.

OP here. Maybe I'm crazy but I don; mind bald guys and I don't like lots of muscle. I would choose a flat stomach over big muscles. I've always been attracted to the DILF kind of guy, but I just imagined being with someone who was under 35. I think about kids and wonder if a man really wants to be a first time dad at 40+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know that 9 years is too large an age difference. Only you can make that decision and it's probably a sliding scale based on how much you like the guy.

More critical than the age difference, I think, is rather you're at the same stage in your life. You say he's ready to have a family, are you?

Also, while a 31 and 40 year old are both in the same general stage of life, depending how you age, it may become more significant later. On the other hand, depending on genes and lifestyle, the older one could be more active and independent longer.

Talking about marriage and family before a first date seems to be rushing things a bit, and those aren't things that should be rushed. Could you spend time together as friends and see what happens? To me, regardless of age, I'd be wary of anyone in a hurry to tie the knot.

I'm ready for a family.We have talked many times before and things came up. He is upfront about what he wants. He has kept asking me out and telling me to give him a try but not in a creepy or controlling way. He is a nice guy.