Feeling really sorry for my kid -- how to handle

[Anonymous]

I hate to sound callous, but any time you try out for something, you must consider the possibility of not making the team. I'm sure you were aware that one or more of the three boys might not make it, right? I'm sorry it happened twice, but now you know.

Have you tried finding activities that he likes that AREN'T sports? It's pretty clear that he's just not as naturally athletic as the other boys, and that's ok. Find something inclusive they can do or something that's less physical. Coding camps, classes about how to make movies (I saw something for stop motion that looked good for my own DS), art, cooking, Minecraft, whatever.

[Anonymous]

We eventually had DS join a circus skills class. I know it sounds crazy and it's not a real sport, but the kids were very accepting and it got him a lot of practice with hand-eye coordination, flexibility, and various other physical related things. He made some great pals and you will not meet a funnier and more endearing bunch of kids, some of them were truly comedically gifted.

[Anonymous]

He needs to do other activites and find a variety of friends. Agree with rec leagues where there is no cutting. My son just changed schools and he has friends that he "plays" with though houseparty. A couple from his school. A couple from his old soccer team. He plays on a new team and sees friends there. And he has a cpl friends at his new school. So a couple different sources (even if they are only virtual). Help him broaden his friend circle.

[Anonymous]

At our home it was little sister doing everything well (school, ball sports) and big sister who as aspergers not doing so well, but average. We keep them in different schools and different activities. Actually try to discern what the strength are for ECs and let the school and tutors deal with weaknesses. We had a bad period of feeling down that little sis had more friends, did math/reading better, made every team, etc. Little sis started down playing things and got quite empathetic trying to cheer up big sis. We focused on the performing arts and art for big sister.

[Anonymous]

Awww that sounds tough.

Definitely need to make sure all the friend "eggs" are not in the same "basket", so to speak. And with athletics, does he gravitate to any sports without tryouts and maybe without balls? Track? Martial arts can be great for self esteem if you find a good holistic school.

Is Percy Jackson the book series with the dyslexic hero? I haven't read them, but wonder if that could be a confidence booster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, that is so hard.

I would be adamant that your son be able to attend morning meeting. It's one of the few times that the class is "all together" and a way for them to bond.

This.
-teacher

[Anonymous]

Henry Winkler’s books are based on his experiences with dyslexia.

[Anonymous]

Ref the sports.... I feel like you set your kid up to fail when you apply for a team where some kids get cut. My kid is 8 and played rec soccer. Her friend joined too and they were on the same team. As parents of 9 year olds you should Sign your kids up for rec teams if it’s important they play together..... which given Covid is more important that being on a team where kids get cut.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there, OP. My kid is dyslexic (as am I) and the late elementary years are just super crappy for self esteem for dyslexic kids. Every day at school feels like another opportunity to fail. It gets better in Middle School when school starts actually to be about concepts and ideas and understanding, and less on learning how to read and do arithmetic. Absolutely make sure he can go to morning meeting - remediation should never take the place of the things kids shine at, whether that is recess, art, PE, or something else.

My son had really benefited from having a few sets of friends - school friends, baseball team friends (not from school), church friends, and then a BFF who moved away years and years ago who plays video games and Skypes with my kid most days. None of the friend groups overlap at all, and that really helps. He doesn’t have to be dyslexic at baseball, and if he had a rotten game his video gamer friend isn’t going to ask him about it. Maybe try other, new activities with a different friend?

Also, be sure to support and cheer for whatever makes your son feel good - even if you hate it. My son is a really good video gamer - barf. Do I wish he loved chess instead? Yes. But I bite my tongue and cheer for him when he kills the most pixels and tells me all about it. The important part is that he feels mastery of something, really accomplished at something, because school is a never ending opportunity to feel less-than.

[Anonymous]

Also, bear in mind that a kid who gets cut one season may make the team the next and he shouldn't just abandon a sport (if he enjoys it, that is).
A close friend was cut from his JV junior high soccer team and went on to play soccer at the college level when he grew a foot in six months after 9th grade. Kids develop skills at different time lines.