Diagnose my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like your narrative is trying to fit a specific diagnosis. He could just be quirky, lazy, and immature.

OP here. This is true! I am just wondering...I sometimes feel there is something "off" about him and can't quite tell if its due to some disorder or he is just quirky.

New poster. Do you have children? A PP earlier in the thread asked this too. I would never presume to tell a stranger "don't have children" but I do think that, if you don't already have kids, you need to get more serious about his "quirks" than just posting on an anonymous internet forum. There have been many posts over the years from mothers here saying "my DH can't cope with the kids, my kid got hurt on DH's watch because he spaced out, my DH leaves me to do everything for and with the kids because he's off in his own world...." and so on. If that might lie ahead for you, you and he need to get to work on these traits or you can expect to be, effectively, the sole parent. At least, the sole parent who arranges things, takes care of essentials, and handles discipline. Do you want to be that parent, or do you want to actually talk to your DH about how his "quirks" affect your kids and your marriage?

One other thing. At the end you toss out the comment, "He always needs to use something to calm or soothe himself. He developed alcoholism and stopped alcohol but now he has to chew snus! Its like he can't relax if he isn't on some substance." That is a huge, huge red flag. I doubt that chewing nuts will always be a sufficient coping mechanism -- especially if you add the stress of kids or if your current kids get older and more demanding. One doesn't usually "develop alcoholism" and then simply stop it effectively. Some people can stop drinking but you do realize that they remain alcoholics, right, OP? They are still addictive personalities whether the addiction is alcohol, food, sex, whatever. You need to realize that he will turn to other things, or back to alcohol, when stressed in the future.

You need some professional advice, and soon.

[Anonymous]

Agree w pp.

Asd, inattentiveness, hyperactivity can create anxiety and anger. It’s builds up, a life with kids can overwhelm. Look for pacing, avoiding, impulse eating, overly reliant on coffee and soda (self medicate to focus). Drinking is no joke daily either.

[Anonymous]

Spoiled by mom, lazy douche bag. That is my diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

May have inherited autism from mom or dad. Look up and across the family tree for more “absentminded professors” who can’t follow a conversation outside their chosen work topic/interest. Or worse, can’t hold down a job.

[Anonymous]

What made you want to marry the guy??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What made you want to marry the guy??

NP. I have a similar DH diagnosed after baby with HFA and ADHD. He was “normal” before the baby was born. Many with HFA are great at social mirroring, and highly motivated to act differently than their instincts would lead them in order to meet social norms. They then “relax” once they’re in a safe/committed relationship. My DH had also subconsciously created a super-structured life that helped him mask his ADHD and HFA; babies don’t respect structure and that really blew the lid off the whole thing. Diagnosis took a while and there was a time when I was convinced he’d had a concussion or had early dementia.

[Anonymous]

I hope you’re keeping an equally long and detailed list of his good qualities. Otherwise you’re going to make both of you miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spoiled by mom, lazy douche bag. That is my diagnosis.

Agree with this more than the ADD/ASD posts. Not everything is clinically pathological. While some of the things OP lists might be observed in someone with ADD/ASD, nothing OP said would meet a diagnostic threshold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spoiled by mom, lazy douche bag. That is my diagnosis.

Agree with this more than the ADD/ASD posts. Not everything is clinically pathological. While some of the things OP lists might be observed in someone with ADD/ASD, nothing OP said would meet a diagnostic threshold.

Perhaps.

But if she had some truly clueless examples of stuff he did week in and week out....
problem with asd is they can’t learn. Narcs can learn or behave or pick up after themselves when it suits them, asd cannot. The message never goes from one end of the brain to the other, it drops off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you’re keeping an equally long and detailed list of his good qualities. Otherwise you’re going to make both of you miserable.

Disagree with last sentence: not many people can live with someone like that 24/7. Maybe someone w the same faults and carelessness.

[Anonymous]

poor executive functioning

[Anonymous]

Almost ALL men can never see a mess!

It sounds as if your hubby has Asperger’s - you may suggest to him that he needs to seek a professional + get evaluated.

[Anonymous]

Hire a housekeeper and secretary to follow him around picking up after him and reminding him of stuff that needs doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Autism Spectrum with an ADHD twist

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spoiled by mom, lazy douche bag. That is my diagnosis.

Agree with this more than the ADD/ASD posts. Not everything is clinically pathological. While some of the things OP lists might be observed in someone with ADD/ASD, nothing OP said would meet a diagnostic threshold.

And you are not a clinician to make this conclusion. If you are one, than you should quit now.