My DD thinks she is gay or bisexual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more you try to “help” the more closeted your daughter could become. Just let her be and be supportive as much as you can.

—woman who came out at 13 and immediately went back into the closet until 30 because of how mom responded.

+1

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Have you talked about what love is, what crushes feel like, what triggers biological sexual responses, what forms the foundation of a solid relationship, what the difference is between a friend and a lover, etc.? I think some kids get confused these days with all the media they have access to -- if something arouses them, they try to fit that arousal into a broader cause and effect chain than is accurate under the circumstances. They want every piece of the puzzle to tell them what the full picture is, but it takes more experience and more pieces of the puzzle to get the full picture.

When most of us think back to 14, we laugh at what we thought of ourselves then.

Would you be saying that if this girl said she had a crush on a boy? Probably not.

Establishing a higher standard for “proving” that someone is not straight is homophobic. Plain and simple.

You completely misread me. None of what I wrote was gender specific. Take a deep breath and stop expecting the worst from everyone.

Again — would you say the same thing if the kid said they were straight?

Yes, of course, absolutely. This is the stuff sex ed leaves out.

Just clarifying. Many people who are homophobic say exactly what you did about LGBTQ kids so I wanted to be sure.

I honestly don't think you read the words I wrote. You are interpreting it through a specific lens, and don't seem to see that there is nothing specific to gender or orientation in those words. They are universal.

DP here. I think it was the “kids get confused” thing. At least that bothered me, when I was a young teen coming out with feelings of attraction to the same sex - my parents told me I was “confused”.
Instead of exploring it I swept it under the rug. I married a guy, had kids, and now 27 years later I am divorced and with a woman.
It is clear now that was “confused” was not the right word.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can I help her? She ask me how does she know for sure? She haven't had any real experiences yet, not even a kiss. But in the past she had a crush on a boy and last year she had a crush on a girl, but all platonic. She is 14 years and it is struggling to define what she is. I said this is a process and there is no rush on labeling herself, told her to take her time, explore and then decide. What else can I do? Is there a book out there that she can read?

Tell her that she does not need to figure it all out right now. Tell her that it's fine either way and that it won't make a difference to her relationship with you, whether she is straight, gay, or bi. Despite what straight people will tell you, most gay and lesbians "know" way before they are sexually active. She could read "Am I Blue?: Coming Out from the Silence," which is a collection of short stories about coming out.

[Anonymous]

Kids do get confused. And adults hovering over them or managing each others language looking for signs of homophobia everywhere do not help matters anymore than the homophobes.

Maybe Im biased because I grew up in a community that was 50% gay (conservative estimate) but the people I ran with and run with now have taken for granted for decades that gay and straight relationships are the same. Its always amusing to us that when we say "gosh we arent sure our kid is bi/gay" they freak out but "gosh we arent sure kid is straight" is also not ok.

And apparently its never ok to say that kids might not be sure. Come on everyone! Chill out!

The story I read about the two straight men who fell in love as adults when one became sick and the other took care of him is my newest best example of "you can "know" and you can also evolve in a way you cant predict".

That story is on of my all time favorite love stories too. I saw it online. I didnt locate the original article, but this is the man: https://oscarraymundo.com/blog/2014/09/27/two-straight-men-fall-love