Anyone have a DH that’s just combative all the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so unhealthy for your children to be raised in this dynamic. If you truly care about your kids, get a divorce. Show them they don't have to be treated like this. Show them it's not ok. Show them how to stand up for themselves. Show them how that type of behavior isn't tolerated. Don't let them grownup in an abusive home.

+1. I was in a marriage like OPs. I thought I was staying for the kids. That having a mom and dad together was more important than anything. Then my boys started mimicking their father's behavior and treating me like he did. One day it all clicked that by staying I was raising to see this is how dads treat moms. I filed for divorce and things are so much better now. My only regret is waiting so long. I did lose 50% custody. That sucks. But my kids at least have a happy, healthy home 50% of the time. It was constant stress before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many men really keep up with seeing their kids 50% of the time? Maybe in the beginning, but really for the long haul?

I don't know. My only experience with this is my sister's ex, who only wanted custody so my sister couldn't have it, and so he didn't have to pay child support. WTF. But his child knows (because he's basically said it to their face) what the read deal is. It's just heartbreaking to hear how little he cares for his child.

I can't condemn all men, but as a group it does seem as if they are more willing to let their kids go without much care ... It's sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He always wants a fight, he seems to hate my guts. If I say he hurt my feelings, he’ll say he doesn’t care and call me a baby. He seems to delight in rejecting me, letting me know he doesn’t give a crap, but when I’ve had enough he says he doesn’t want to divorce. What is this?

I’m gonna go with “he’s a jerk”. If you don’t have kids, leave today. The question isn’t whether he wants a divorce; it’s why you want to stay.

So she should stay with a jerk IF they do have kids? I wouldn't want my kids to turn out to be a jerk or pick a jerk for a spouse in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He always wants a fight, he seems to hate my guts. If I say he hurt my feelings, he’ll say he doesn’t care and call me a baby. He seems to delight in rejecting me, letting me know he doesn’t give a crap, but when I’ve had enough he says he doesn’t want to divorce. What is this?

I’m gonna go with “he’s a jerk”. If you don’t have kids, leave today. The question isn’t whether he wants a divorce; it’s why you want to stay.

So she should stay with a jerk IF they do have kids? I wouldn't want my kids to turn out to be a jerk or pick a jerk for a spouse in the future.

Not saying she should stay but she will need to be more strategic than “leave today” if there are kids involved.

[Anonymous]

Most likely a narcissist. He won’t change. Your kids won’t be okay growing up in this situation.

Get divorce and freeze him out of your life as much as possible and he most likely will move on to another victim. It may take a years, but when that happens he’ll give up most of his parenting time.

And, I don’t believe that most men do this, but this type will. You just have to play it cool and pretend that you want his help with the kids as much as possible. If he thinks it’s important to you, he’ll probably avoid doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a lot like OP's husband, but when my kids were young, they worshipped her and thought she must be right for criticizing me almost constantly. I decided to stay, at least until youngest is out of high school.

If I had left when the kids were young, they would have believed their mother and hated my guts. Now that they are older teens, they seem to get it. She's kind and loving to them but usually not to me. Now I think I will be able to leave without destroying my relationships with my kids

Don't think so.

You divorce.
You co-parent 50/50.
And kids will see through the manipulations very quickly.

It’s so unfair that those of us living with this have to lose our kids half the time to boot. It’s bad enough to end up living with a jerk, now I have to lose my kids too.

Life isn't fair and you aren't 'losing' your kids. You may have less time with them but at least they would have one healthy home to go to rather than spending 100% of their time in a home where one parent demeans the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get therapy for yourself. Also why argue over who wants marriage therapy the most? Just tell him he does and then go to the appt. But definitely therapy for yourself

I agree. Get therapy for yourself. Learn how to better handle the situation you're in and to determine what you want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so unhealthy for your children to be raised in this dynamic. If you truly care about your kids, get a divorce. Show them they don't have to be treated like this. Show them it's not ok. Show them how to stand up for themselves. Show them how that type of behavior isn't tolerated. Don't let them grownup in an abusive home.

+1

Signed, former kid whose parents were in this dynamic perpetually but stayed together "for me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think he is having an affair?

No. He works from home and barely leaves the house otherwise unless we’re together.

alcoholic?

[Anonymous]

I think you should divorce as quickly as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He always wants a fight, he seems to hate my guts. If I say he hurt my feelings, he’ll say he doesn’t care and call me a baby. He seems to delight in rejecting me, letting me know he doesn’t give a crap, but when I’ve had enough he says he doesn’t want to divorce. What is this?

It's called abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many men really keep up with seeing their kids 50% of the time? Maybe in the beginning, but really for the long haul?

I don't know. My only experience with this is my sister's ex, who only wanted custody so my sister couldn't have it, and so he didn't have to pay child support. WTF. But his child knows (because he's basically said it to their face) what the read deal is. It's just heartbreaking to hear how little he cares for his child.

I can't condemn all men, but as a group it does seem as if they are more willing to let their kids go without much care ... It's sad.

My exH barely sees our kid at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most likely a narcissist. He won’t change. Your kids won’t be okay growing up in this situation.

Get divorce and freeze him out of your life as much as possible and he most likely will move on to another victim. It may take a years, but when that happens he’ll give up most of his parenting time.

And, I don’t believe that most men do this, but this type will. You just have to play it cool and pretend that you want his help with the kids as much as possible. If he thinks it’s important to you, he’ll probably avoid doing it.

100% This. Definitely sounds like a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Why does he want to be married to you? You probably do things for him. So stop. Don't do his laundry, don't do any of his errands, don't clean up after him, don't cook his food, don't buy his food.

Screw him.

[Anonymous]

In men, depression can appear as irritability and aggression instead of the expected sadness.

Medication made a huge difference.