Depressed and Scared

[Anonymous]

I married at 35 and have two kids. Not worth doing it without the right partner (glad I waited for him.) More fun to be free and single. Get out and enjoy life!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has damaged your self esteem. Your best years are not behind you. (Hopefully, your worst will be soon!)

If you have a child with this man, he will be in your life forever, and have the opportunity to abuse your child as he has abused you. Why would you choose him to provide half your child's genes and their male role model?

Leave now. Call a woman's shelter or family member or counsellor if you need to, but do it. Good luck!

OP here. I had such high self esteem and vetted guys carefully. He just weaseled his way in by appearing too good to be true. He treated me so well and made me feel special. After we got married, the switch flipped and he is a totally different person who puts me down, makes fun of me and refuses to cooperate. I tried talking to him about having a baby and he gets angry and says I make him feel bad by talking about needing to save money before we start trying. His solution? Just go with it and everything will be ok.

Now I am thinking if my basic requirements of financial stability and having some savings before TTC are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Look at it this way- he's already left the marriage. Tell your loving family about this (can you stay with them temporarily?), find a therapist and a lawyer and give yourself time.
One day at a time.
You can do this. It will get better and you can be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has damaged your self esteem. Your best years are not behind you. (Hopefully, your worst will be soon!)

If you have a child with this man, he will be in your life forever, and have the opportunity to abuse your child as he has abused you. Why would you choose him to provide half your child's genes and their male role model?

Leave now. Call a woman's shelter or family member or counsellor if you need to, but do it. Good luck!

OP here. I had such high self esteem and vetted guys carefully. He just weaseled his way in by appearing too good to be true. He treated me so well and made me feel special. After we got married, the switch flipped and he is a totally different person who puts me down, makes fun of me and refuses to cooperate. I tried talking to him about having a baby and he gets angry and says I make him feel bad by talking about needing to save money before we start trying. His solution? Just go with it and everything will be ok.

Now I am thinking if my basic requirements of financial stability and having some savings before TTC are ridiculous.

You’re the sane one. He senses you want out, so he’s pushing for a baby so you’ll be stuck. Trust me, been there done that.

Start individual therapy.

[Anonymous]

Ug. The fact that you consider being a virgin a quality that makes you desirable is really anathema to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has damaged your self esteem. Your best years are not behind you. (Hopefully, your worst will be soon!)

If you have a child with this man, he will be in your life forever, and have the opportunity to abuse your child as he has abused you. Why would you choose him to provide half your child's genes and their male role model?

Leave now. Call a woman's shelter or family member or counsellor if you need to, but do it. Good luck!

OP here. I had such high self esteem and vetted guys carefully. He just weaseled his way in by appearing too good to be true. He treated me so well and made me feel special. After we got married, the switch flipped and he is a totally different person who puts me down, makes fun of me and refuses to cooperate. I tried talking to him about having a baby and he gets angry and says I make him feel bad by talking about needing to save money before we start trying. His solution? Just go with it and everything will be ok.

Now I am thinking if my basic requirements of financial stability and having some savings before TTC are ridiculous.

You’re the sane one. He senses you want out, so he’s pushing for a baby so you’ll be stuck. Trust me, been there done that.

Start individual therapy.

I have a friend whose husband said right after the vows "now I don't have to be nice to you anymore"

Before she divorced him (took several years and cheating) she washed his boxers with fiberglass curtains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has damaged your self esteem. Your best years are not behind you. (Hopefully, your worst will be soon!)

If you have a child with this man, he will be in your life forever, and have the opportunity to abuse your child as he has abused you. Why would you choose him to provide half your child's genes and their male role model?

Leave now. Call a woman's shelter or family member or counsellor if you need to, but do it. Good luck!

OP here. I had such high self esteem and vetted guys carefully. He just weaseled his way in by appearing too good to be true. He treated me so well and made me feel special. After we got married, the switch flipped and he is a totally different person who puts me down, makes fun of me and refuses to cooperate. I tried talking to him about having a baby and he gets angry and says I make him feel bad by talking about needing to save money before we start trying. His solution? Just go with it and everything will be ok.

Now I am thinking if my basic requirements of financial stability and having some savings before TTC are ridiculous.

Financially stable and savings are essential prior to marriage, let alone baby!

You are so you g. Run straight to an attorney ASAP. Get advice about filing and property settlement. File for separation as soon as you can. I had my first baby at 34. Focus on therapy. What you have been thru is a big betrayal trauma, and you may have PTSD.

The sooner you leave, the sooner you can build the life you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I was pretty "desirable" in my youth. I was a virgin, cute, dressed well and came from a loving family. I met who I thought was the love of my life at 25. We married at 27. Fast forward to 5 years and our marriage is a hot mess. He completely changed! He is lazy, emotionally and verbally abusive, has anger issues and is broke. He also has been serially cheating on me. I cannot reason with him and I am sick of being the only adult in the room. Now my most fertile years and beauty is behind me and I feel almost stupid to exit without having at least one child.

I feel so stupid and betrayed. I feel like he lured me in with his fake persona and promises and now I am being hung out to dry.

If a friend told you the bolded above what would you tell her to do? I think you know what you need to do. Leave ASAP and be glad you did not have a child with this man!

[Anonymous]

Your best years are not completely behind you now OP❣️

At thirty-two you are still in the prime of your life!

This man is dragging you down in his own misery, for your own sake you NEED to divorce him so that you can begin a new life.
And like all the other posters are advising - do not bring an innocent child into this mess of a marriage.

You can still find yourself a decent, better man to build a good life with.
Having a young child now will only complicate your future plans.

The best is yet to come.
That is only after you leave this abusive man alone.

Wishing you only the best.