Am I letting my 6 month old cry too much? Feeling neglectful

[Anonymous]

I'd let the kid eat at 3 or 4 AM. I sleep trained but didn't drop that nurse until later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK...I'll add in a second dreamfeed. It sounds like the consensus is that I am being neglectful.

+1.

[Anonymous]

I am actually against letting kids cry. Why? Are they unfortunate orphans and their parents have died?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is neglectful. You thought so too otherwise you would not have posed this question.

[Anonymous]

You are not neglectful.

[Anonymous]

The baby is hungry at the 4am wake up. Feed your infant and then you will not feel neglectful. An hour is a ridiculous amount of time to cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. The 4am thing sounds totally unreasonable. I’d feed him at 4. He is still so young. I’d never let any baby cry for 45 minutes. I honestly feel like there is something wrong with parents who can listen to that and be okay with it.

That's awfully and needlessly judgemental, particularly since 45 minutes of on-off crying certainly isn't going to harm an infant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK...I'll add in a second dreamfeed. It sounds like the consensus is that I am being neglectful.

I don't understand some of these comments at all. Two night-time feedings is overkill at 6 months. 6 months is when you can consider dropping nighttime feedings alltogether, providing she's doing fine on the growth chart.

From your original post, I thought you had been trying this for two weeks. A later post suggested it has only been a couple days. If after a couple days she's only crying on and off for under an hour, and in particular isn't getting overly worked-up during that time, then you're doing very well. I wouldn't change that. You'd want to reconsider if it gets worse, or if after a week or two doesn't seem to be improving. But it's way, way too early to give up now if it is already going that well after only two days.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps one of the issues is that you went from one extreme to the other (holding baby for naps-crying during naps). There is a happy place between those two things. Definitely create a good sleep (simple) routines and I would feed the baby at 4am. The 4-6AM period is the lightest sleep period for babies and most need intervention. It definitely gets better with age, so 6 months is a little young to leave a crying baby. My first DS would wake at 4am eat and remain awake until about a year old, while younger DD eats and goes right back to sleep. We didn't let our kids cry and they both sleep really well (definitely don't judge those who choose a different path).

[Anonymous]

Yes, letting a hungry six month old cry for an hour is neglectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK...I'll add in a second dreamfeed. It sounds like the consensus is that I am being neglectful.

I don’t think you’re being neglectful and on another day everyone would be telling you to let the baby cry! It’s a sentimental room tonight I guess.

I know what you mean about the crying and taking breaks - off and on - we let my DS do that for long periods, too, but we waited until he was 12 months to start it. I don’t think you’re neglecting the baby to start it earlier, and it sounds like baby is handling it okay, but I’d probably intervene there.

Can you push the midnight feed up some? If you could get to sleep by 11 then you’d still get 5 hours uninterrupted before the 4am wake up, which is like a magic number for mental health.

[Anonymous]

You are doing great! Baby is trying to train you, you are trying to train her. It shall continue like this for the rest of your life. Enjoy the baby and these crazy and lively nights! The nights are long but the years are truly short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, letting a hungry six month old cry for an hour is neglectful.

That's ridiculous. Normal 6 month olds do not need to eat twice in one night.

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update. Based on the mixed feedback, I had planned to give her last night (night 3 of “extinction”) to figure it out but if she cried more than 15 mins I would have intervened with an additional feeding based on everyone’s advice.

I am happy to report she didn’t make a peep until 6:10am at which point she was just happy and awake. She didn’t seem especially starving either so I am questioning how long to continue the dreamfeed. At this point, I plan to keep it because I prefer that to pumping in the MOTN.

So overall, her wake time was pushed up a little (20 min) but I have to think she actually got more overall sleep without the 4-5am restlessness. I was awake from habit during that time and checked the video monitor a few times and she was sleeping soundly (not awake and quiet because she had given up on crying). Anyway...I’m pretty happy and feeling better about this choice now! Hopefully this was not a fluke and it will stick. I guess I’ll see tonight!

Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. Based on the mixed feedback, I had planned to give her last night (night 3 of “extinction”) to figure it out but if she cried more than 15 mins I would have intervened with an additional feeding based on everyone’s advice.

I am happy to report she didn’t make a peep until 6:10am at which point she was just happy and awake. She didn’t seem especially starving either so I am questioning how long to continue the dreamfeed. At this point, I plan to keep it because I prefer that to pumping in the MOTN.

So overall, her wake time was pushed up a little (20 min) but I have to think she actually got more overall sleep without the 4-5am restlessness. I was awake from habit during that time and checked the video monitor a few times and she was sleeping soundly (not awake and quiet because she had given up on crying). Anyway...I’m pretty happy and feeling better about this choice now! Hopefully this was not a fluke and it will stick. I guess I’ll see tonight!

Thanks again!

That's great. I know it can be tough to hear your daughter cry, but don't overreact if and when it happens. It seems pretty clear that she's ready to sleep through the night (plus or minus the dreamfeeding). Some nights she'll almost certainly wake up. Resist the urge to go in provided that she's not working herself up (I'm sure you can tell the difference between a cry of distress and a cry of discomfort/frustration).

Congrats!