Child of a parent murderer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in 5th grade my friend’s mother tried to hire her ex husband (friend’s father) to kill her new husband (friend’s stepfather). The ex was a police officer and turned her in. She went to jail, friend went to live with her Dad and we never saw or heard from her again. I’ve always wondered what happened to her.

I deeply wish this had happened for my friend. She was not stopped and hasn't done jail time.

[Anonymous]

My uncle murdered my aunt during a school day. Kids were in 3rd, 5th and 10th grades. The younger cousins came to live with us until they graduated high school. Their father was determined to be mentally unfit for trial and spent the rest of his life locked up.

Yes, they knew about the murder. They would talk to him on the phone and visit him in jail for a few years. Then stopped. I hated picking up the phone hearing the operator ask if I’d accept a collect call from him and have him in the background begging to talk to them and them refusing. I was also in 3rd grade when she was murdered.

[Anonymous]

Not exactly the same... but my dad almost killed my mom. I was 16. My father used to beat my siblings and I, but as we got older we would just walk away from him and not take it. I would hide under my bed or in the closet when I was small, then as a teen I would climb out the window in my bedroom when the screaming started.
So he turned on my mom, who had watched the beatings for years, and sometimes actively encouraged it.
He attacked her, ripped the phone off the wall when I tried to grab it to call for help. He took a large heavy dog bowl and started hitting her over the head screaming “I’m going to kill you bi#$&!” I put him in a rear chokehold (didn’t know what it was called until later) and choked him until he dropped the bowl. My dad drove away... my mom drove away... I called a friend to come pick me up and stayed at her house for a few days. I didn’t tell this other family what happened, but I could tell they knew something was up. I’m glad they never asked me directly.
I didn’t speak to my dad for two years. All of my siblings forgave him rather quickly. It took me 10+ years to get over it.
I am successful as an adult. I went to college. Got a job... went back for masters... married, 2 kids, UMC life. Don’t think about it much anymore. He died a few years ago. All my siblings went on and on about what a great dad he was. It was hard to listen to them re-imagine him as a great dad when he was a child and spouse abusing a-hole. Funny thing is I probably was beat the least (good kid, quiet, knew how to run and hide). I think the memories were too painful for them so they blocked them out.
CPS was even called on us when I was 10 or so, but we all lied because we didn’t want to end up in foster care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not exactly the same... but my dad almost killed my mom. I was 16. My father used to beat my siblings and I, but as we got older we would just walk away from him and not take it. I would hide under my bed or in the closet when I was small, then as a teen I would climb out the window in my bedroom when the screaming started.
So he turned on my mom, who had watched the beatings for years, and sometimes actively encouraged it.
He attacked her, ripped the phone off the wall when I tried to grab it to call for help. He took a large heavy dog bowl and started hitting her over the head screaming “I’m going to kill you bi#$&!” I put him in a rear chokehold (didn’t know what it was called until later) and choked him until he dropped the bowl. My dad drove away... my mom drove away... I called a friend to come pick me up and stayed at her house for a few days. I didn’t tell this other family what happened, but I could tell they knew something was up. I’m glad they never asked me directly.
I didn’t speak to my dad for two years. All of my siblings forgave him rather quickly. It took me 10+ years to get over it.
I am successful as an adult. I went to college. Got a job... went back for masters... married, 2 kids, UMC life. Don’t think about it much anymore. He died a few years ago. All my siblings went on and on about what a great dad he was. It was hard to listen to them re-imagine him as a great dad when he was a child and spouse abusing a-hole. Funny thing is I probably was beat the least (good kid, quiet, knew how to run and hide). I think the memories were too painful for them so they blocked them out.
CPS was even called on us when I was 10 or so, but we all lied because we didn’t want to end up in foster care.

I’m glad things turned out well for you, pp. You’re a hero in my book.

[Anonymous]

I think about this scenario sometimes. DH’s beloved sister was murdered less than a decade ago by her husband. He’s in prison for life, fingers crossed. Their two kids were young when it happened. The older one is now in high school and excelling academically but never talks about the murder, even to her therapists. The younger one is having a lot of difficulty all around, despite loving caregivers and therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Charlize Theron. Her mom killed her dad. The mom and Charlize are very close.

That was a kill-or-be-killed situation; her mother was not a "murderer."

[Anonymous]

Where I live there was recently a sentencing appeal, dad killed the mom and besides life sentence was denied access to the children in perpetuity. The appeals court modified it to no access until the children are 18, and then only if they initiate.

[Anonymous]

A childhood friend of mine. Her father killed her mother, and then tried to make it look like it was random violence.

Thank goodness the kids were all grown and out of the house, but I can’t imagine how painful it was for them. The kids supported their dad, buying into the obviously bogus stranger story. He’s serving a life sentence.

I spent so much time at the house as a kid and I keep running over in my mind if there’s anything I should have noticed… But I was a kid, I was mostly interested in their cool Atari.

[Anonymous]

I vaguely remember something from Elementary School. Two kids' dad killed their mom. I mostly remember someone picking the kids up from school and they never came back.

My mom told me years later what had happened. The kids went to live with an aunt and uncle.

[Anonymous]

A dear friend. Her father killed her mother, I don’t believe she saw it, but she heard it. She was raised by family, there was additional abuse and trauma. She may have been in foster care briefly. I don’t know the full story. Lots of therapy, good education, creative, self made. Is one of the most phenomenal, nurturing mothers I know. Really excellent thoughtful friend. She amazes me. Life began dark and she worked tirelessly to not succumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I vaguely remember something from Elementary School. Two kids' dad killed their mom. I mostly remember someone picking the kids up from school and they never came back.

My mom told me years later what had happened. The kids went to live with an aunt and uncle.

Same. Was this in NW DC at a small school?

[Anonymous]

Wow, so mad fathers killing mothers. :,(

[Anonymous]

I went to school with a boy whose fathered murdered another family in our community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, so mad fathers killing mothers. :,(

In my friend's case it was the Mother that got someone to kill the Father.

[Anonymous]

I think it would depend on why one parent killed the other. In self defence or the like I think the relationship would not be harmed. If they killed them in cold blooded murder that would be different.