Gifting question for parents of onlies...

[Anonymous]

One normal priced gift is more than thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

I have an only and my brother has 3 kids. Not gonna lie, I get annoyed when I spend money on all his 3 kids for Easter, Christmas and birthdays and he spends the equivalent of one kid on my kid.
So lets say the average gift price is $20. I am spending $180 a year on his kids. He is spending $60 on mine.
Maybe I seem greedy, but its annoying to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't give my child 3x the amount of gift that his cousins get! It is not good for him.

My kids all get gifts for each other on Christmas and birthdays. My niece isn’t getting 3x the gifts if they each send her one!

[Anonymous]

I have an only an my house is overflowing with his stuff Just chiming in to address the people who give three present from three cousins, I hate that b/c I simply don't have the space for all of this stuff. We donate a lot which I also think is really healthy for a child to learn about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has probably been discussed before but I can't locate any threads on the topic.

What's the general wisdom on gift giving to a niece/nephew/dear friend's child who is an only child, when you have multiple children? My situation is that I have three children and multiple important people in my life who are parents of only children. These friends and family gift each of our kids generously but not extravagantly - we're talking $30-50 per gift per kid - for bdays and holidays and special events. When it comes to their child's birthday or special event, should I gift them similarly, or do a bigger gift, since they've spent 3x the amount on my family throughout the year?

If I were to triple the amount spent on my kids, I'd be doing a $150 gift for each the only children. Which I'm fine with financially, but don't know if it's awkward to give such a large gift... as a parent of an only child, would you prefer your child to receive something equal to the amount you spend total on my kids, or something equivalent to what you spent on just ONE of my kids? I am fine either way, but don't want to come off as "tit for tat" with giving an extravagant gift, or cheap, by giving a "regular" gift.

Also, everyone in my scenario is in a similar-ish financial situation... comfortable and not depending on these gifts or struggling to make the gifts happen.

I honestly would rather forego the gift giving and have suggested it, but others want to keep the tradition going.

Thanks for your feedback.

OP, honestly, this is not even a blimp. Give whatever you want. The economy is tanking, over 150,000 dead from a pandemic, children can't go to school, millions unemployed and,. Lucky you, have only to worry about how much to pay for a gift!

[Anonymous]

Omg. PP you are annoying. It has long been stated that people are allowed to worry about non COVID things. People are allowed to have trivial issues during larger global issues. In fact, psychologists have said grieving for small losses - the vacation you can't go on, something being out of stock and not being repeated, not being able to have a birthday party or ballet class - is healthier than pretending that you are not upset.

Only read COVID threads if you can't bear that people will have other concerns

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I have a 5 year old only. First, absolutely only the amount you spend on other kids. It would be incredibly unfair to everyone for one kid to get a $150 gift and the others get $50 gifts. It's not about fairness to the parents for spending, it's about fairness between the kids. They don't understand overall spending, they just see the difference in gifts and that looks like preferential treatment.

Second, and let me say this loudly for the people in the back, it is HARD not to spoil an only when you are comfortably middle class. Our only is the only grandchild on one side and the only grandchild of that sex on the other. This kid blinks at a toy and there is a line of well meaning grandparents and aunts and uncles lining up to buy it for them. You can't hide it when they're talking about it on a Facetime call, and it makes it really difficult to teach them not to be greedy and entitled (which is a normal development stage for all kids, not an only child exclusive) when they say "boo" and an Amazon package arrives two days later. So for me at least, my only needs LESS stuff than the other cousins because they get 99% of what they want unless I specifically jump in and say "thank you, but please don't buy that just because my kid asked for it."

OMG, yes. My 4yo got more for his birthday than I ever got for Christmas growing up. Multiple gifts from multiple aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends... ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford to you could do a bigger gift every few years say a bike or sports or maybe a membership something the kid gets lot of use of. That will be much more useful rather than trying to match some amount every year. People are not keeping score but at the same time everyone loves giving and getting nice gifts

[Anonymous]

I have an only and my sister has three kids. It would never occur to me that my kid should get a bigger gift because there’s only one of him. Gifts are for a person, not for a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an only and my sister has three kids. It would never occur to me that my kid should get a bigger gift because there’s only one of him. Gifts are for a person, not for a family.

I have an only and it gets tiring when you have spent $$ for your siblings 3 kids on multiple occasions every year but you cannot just give one combined gift because its considered cheap. I would rather the money be saved up and used for college or other need. At the same time those parents give your kid some random gift which no one wants or needs. I would rather we just exchanged $5 gift cards for kids for each occasion and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

Omg, what?? Why would you do that? Just get the kid a one kid present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an only and my brother has 3 kids. Not gonna lie, I get annoyed when I spend money on all his 3 kids for Easter, Christmas and birthdays and he spends the equivalent of one kid on my kid.
So lets say the average gift price is $20. I am spending $180 a year on his kids. He is spending $60 on mine.
Maybe I seem greedy, but its annoying to me.

+This. PP in a similar situation. Now they are a bit older I am going to have my kid do $20 supplies and make homemade gifts for their 3 kids going forward. Maybe that will signal to stop this gift exchange madness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has probably been discussed before but I can't locate any threads on the topic.

What's the general wisdom on gift giving to a niece/nephew/dear friend's child who is an only child, when you have multiple children? My situation is that I have three children and multiple important people in my life who are parents of only children. These friends and family gift each of our kids generously but not extravagantly - we're talking $30-50 per gift per kid - for bdays and holidays and special events. When it comes to their child's birthday or special event, should I gift them similarly, or do a bigger gift, since they've spent 3x the amount on my family throughout the year?

If I were to triple the amount spent on my kids, I'd be doing a $150 gift for each the only children. Which I'm fine with financially, but don't know if it's awkward to give such a large gift... as a parent of an only child, would you prefer your child to receive something equal to the amount you spend total on my kids, or something equivalent to what you spent on just ONE of my kids? I am fine either way, but don't want to come off as "tit for tat" with giving an extravagant gift, or cheap, by giving a "regular" gift.

Also, everyone in my scenario is in a similar-ish financial situation... comfortable and not depending on these gifts or struggling to make the gifts happen.

I honestly would rather forego the gift giving and have suggested it, but others want to keep the tradition going.

Thanks for your feedback.

my thoughts exactly

OP, honestly, this is not even a blimp. Give whatever you want. The economy is tanking, over 150,000 dead from a pandemic, children can't go to school, millions unemployed and,. Lucky you, have only to worry about how much to pay for a gift!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:150K people in this country have died due to covid, and we are worried about this??????

Np: Are we only allowed to think/care/discuss COVID? Life goes on and questions/thoughts/needs arise - eating, drinking, sleeping COVID and only COVID cannot be good for one’s mental health.

Noone said to only eat, drink, sleep Covid. I'm just saying not to worry about this BS and maybe get some perspective.

[Anonymous]

I have an only, and I don't keep score. I'm happy if you give my kid a thoughtful gift; a $150 gift is definitely not necessary!