Necessity of a DTR talk

[Anonymous]

You can only hold people accountable to what you discussed and agreed to, not what you wish, hope for and assume.

[Anonymous]

In your thirties, do you really date multiple people at a time? Who has time for that? But, is it offensive to even bring it up? And like almost accuse someone of dating multiple people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely necessary. Dated a good friend of many years when he turned 40. After almost 3 months, lightheartedly asked if we were exclusive. He said no. You have to ask. Always. Don’t assume.

Interesting. How did you respond?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your thirties, do you really date multiple people at a time? Who has time for that? But, is it offensive to even bring it up? And like almost accuse someone of dating multiple people?

I’m going to guess you haven’t been on a date since the early 2000s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your thirties, do you really date multiple people at a time? Who has time for that? But, is it offensive to even bring it up? And like almost accuse someone of dating multiple people?

I’m going to guess you haven’t been on a date since the early 2000s

+1. That response is so out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if you two can't even have this conversation, you probably aren't a good fit.

My now DH and I had the conversation a few months in. He was ready for a commitment, I wasn't - honestly, I wasn't really even dating other people, I just wasn't ready to put a label on it. He wasn't thrilled by that, but he stuck by me and a few months after that we were exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if you two can't even have this conversation, you probably aren't a good fit.

My now DH and I had the conversation a few months in. He was ready for a commitment, I wasn't - honestly, I wasn't really even dating other people, I just wasn't ready to put a label on it. He wasn't thrilled by that, but he stuck by me and a few months after that we were exclusive.

This is the dumbest response. You not dating other people means you were exclusive. Not when you communicated that to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if you two can't even have this conversation, you probably aren't a good fit.

My now DH and I had the conversation a few months in. He was ready for a commitment, I wasn't - honestly, I wasn't really even dating other people, I just wasn't ready to put a label on it. He wasn't thrilled by that, but he stuck by me and a few months after that we were exclusive.

This is the dumbest response. You not dating other people means you were exclusive. Not when you communicated that to him.

Same thing happened with my now DW.

She didn’t want to have DTR, I tried multiple time to make the relationship exclusive. She demurred, said she wasn’t ready to be my GF. This went on for about 4 months.

I took this to mean that she was still keeping her options open. Well, I made use of that openness and did what I want. We were not exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if you two can't even have this conversation, you probably aren't a good fit.

My now DH and I had the conversation a few months in. He was ready for a commitment, I wasn't - honestly, I wasn't really even dating other people, I just wasn't ready to put a label on it. He wasn't thrilled by that, but he stuck by me and a few months after that we were exclusive.

This is the dumbest response. You not dating other people means you were exclusive. Not when you communicated that to him.

No it doesn't. She want dating others but had the option to. It would have been really easy to just say yes but then she would have felt rushed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely necessary. Dated a good friend of many years when he turned 40. After almost 3 months, lightheartedly asked if we were exclusive. He said no. You have to ask. Always. Don’t assume.

Interesting. How did you respond?

Got knocked up by doing it raw and married him.