Advice on BF sleeping Over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes he will be an "uncle" not an uncle.

If it evolves into him being a step parent or an adoptive parent we will let that develops on its own not force it. He wants (as do I) I'm the sole vote on my child's life; choices, etc. He can just state an opinion. So an uneven parental relationship.

Goal - not marriage - but living together; spending our lives together.

Not while your son lives with you. This man wants to have a GF, not a family. You are not a single woman, you are a family with your son. See your boyfriend when your son is with other family, or find a man willing to fully join your family.

[Anonymous]

This place can be so trashy sometimes

[Anonymous]

Anyone that not committed to my child is not long term in my book. “Uncle” only works for so long, either he’s “dad” or he’s nothing

[Anonymous]

I'm assuming this is in early stages -- so he doesn't want to overstep boundaries with your child just in case things don't work out. That seems very reasonable to me.

Did you say your kid sleeps over somewhere else (like grandma or auntie's house?) when he comes over? That seems very appropriate to me. Keep doing that for a few more months!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes he will be an "uncle" not an uncle.

If it evolves into him being a step parent or an adoptive parent we will let that develops on its own not force it. He wants (as do I) I'm the sole vote on my child's life; choices, etc. He can just state an opinion. So an uneven parental relationship.

Goal - not marriage - but living together; spending our lives together.

Not while your son lives with you. This man wants to have a GF, not a family. You are not a single woman, you are a family with your son. See your boyfriend when your son is with other family, or find a man willing to fully join your family.

This is what babysitters are for. Please don’t have Sex with a guy who doesn’t care that you have a kid, with your kid in the next room. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Guy is a loser. Hard pass.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t want to marry you and he doesn’t want to be a father figure to your six year old. Sleepovers will be incredibly confusing for your child...I’d take a hard pass. Hire a sitter and come home to sleep.

[Anonymous]

As a fellow single mom I say yes to sleepovers and mild PDA (quick pecks, hugs, holding hands). You want your son to see what healthy adult relationships look like. As single moms, we don’t have to act like we can’t date until kids are grown.

On the other hand, it is a huge red flag for me that he only wants to be an ‘uncle’. What if your son wants a father figure and he doesn’t step up to the plate? Why shouldn’t he have some say in decisions? It’s likely that they will be alone together sometimes if you’re living together and they will develop their own relationship. This guy sounds like a self centered jerk, sorry. He’s thinking about how he can shirk responsibility, not how he can best support you and your son.

[Anonymous]

It dowan'r aound like OP wants her boyfriend to be a father figure judging by her posts, so I don't know why people are attacking the BF.


To me it seems OP wants to have her cake and eat it too.

I don't think what OP plans to do sounds like a healthy dynamic.

If she wants to date great, do it without involving the son.

If she wants someone to live in, then she needs to be able to "share".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a fellow single mom I say yes to sleepovers and mild PDA (quick pecks, hugs, holding hands). You want your son to see what healthy adult relationships look like. As single moms, we don’t have to act like we can’t date until kids are grown.

On the other hand, it is a huge red flag for me that he only wants to be an ‘uncle’. What if your son wants a father figure and he doesn’t step up to the plate? Why shouldn’t he have some say in decisions? It’s likely that they will be alone together sometimes if you’re living together and they will develop their own relationship. This guy sounds like a self centered jerk, sorry. He’s thinking about how he can shirk responsibility, not how he can best support you and your son.

A child doesn't need to be a party to mom/dad sleepovers and hand-holding to learn about healthy adult relationships. This to me is self-centered.

[Anonymous]

Since you asked, op, my advice is that you two don’t spend the night in the presence of your child until after you are married… to each other.

What weirds me out about your post is no pda’s in front of your kid. I get that you don’t want a full on makeout session, but what about appropriate affection, a hug, a kiss a touch, a term of endearment?

There are all kinds of ways to convey healthy romantic affection without being overtly sexual.

It also troubles me that your boyfriend wants to live with you but only remain as an uncle figure.
That won’t work well for all kinds of reasons.

I also can’t understand why he is dating you knowing you have a kid. If he doesn’t want to be a dad, he needs to find a woman without kids.

I agree with the poster who says he isn’t invested in the package. Sounds like you didn’t get a prize with this one, op.

[Anonymous]

As the daughter of a mom who would abrasively thrust her Boyfriends on me growing up, I think taking it slow is admirable. Developing an organic low pressure connection with the kid is best in my opinion. I would discuss with Boyfriend ideally how he’d like relationship with your kid to evolve if you two become more serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may be committed to you but he’s not committed to your child. I wouldn’t invest in this guy.

This. You are a mother. You cannot partner with a mother of a young child and not be a stepparent or parent. If he doesn’t want that, what’s the point? Not fair to your child at all to have an “uncle” living with him and his mom who doesn’t see them as a family.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, don't do it. My mom used to do sleepovers with boyfriends when we were kids. It was awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a fellow single mom I say yes to sleepovers and mild PDA (quick pecks, hugs, holding hands). You want your son to see what healthy adult relationships look like. As single moms, we don’t have to act like we can’t date until kids are grown.

On the other hand, it is a huge red flag for me that he only wants to be an ‘uncle’. What if your son wants a father figure and he doesn’t step up to the plate? Why shouldn’t he have some say in decisions? It’s likely that they will be alone together sometimes if you’re living together and they will develop their own relationship. This guy sounds like a self centered jerk, sorry. He’s thinking about how he can shirk responsibility, not how he can best support you and your son.

A child doesn't need to be a party to mom/dad sleepovers and hand-holding to learn about healthy adult relationships. This to me is self-centered.

It certainly doesn’t hurt. I think there is a difference between casual and long term relationships.