I am interested in a slower pace of life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you make me laugh. Single parent here. I pry my kids out of bed at 6:30 to get them to school/daycare by 7 so I can work from 8 - 5 have them home by 6 and try to squeeze life in around that. A slower pace of life? Seriously? You sound like Cindy Crawford wishing she was prettier.

I understand why you would say this. I am not flaunting that I have free time, it is what we choose to do with our free time that I am interested in. I completely agree I am in a fortunate situation, but I am also amazed at the many families in my situation (and I know yours is very hard work, with very little time to yourself, etc.) who fill the time with running from one UNNECESSARY thing to another. I am not talking about work, or day care, or the other things in life that take up time that are necessary given where we may be in life. I am certainly not trying to rub my situation in anyone's face, just thinking about how do we slow down and do what matters most no matter what our situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you make me laugh. Single parent here. I pry my kids out of bed at 6:30 to get them to school/daycare by 7 so I can work from 8 - 5 have them home by 6 and try to squeeze life in around that. A slower pace of life? Seriously? You sound like Cindy Crawford wishing she was prettier.

LOL. Right on.

To the OP, I have relatives who live in the country and it's definitely a slower pace of life. Very quiet afternoons and evenings. Lots of walks in the woods, long visits with neighbors. If you are not willing to move to the country, you can make changes where you are. Take up a hobby that supports slowing down - practice Transcendental Meditation, gardening, needlework, reading, yoga. Move closer to school so you walk there with your kids - a forced 20 minutes of walking together a couple times a day. I'm sure there's more you can do. Just brain storming here.

Nice ideas. Thanks. (Despite the LOL Right On Comment)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:14 here. And we do a lot of just hanging around the house while my kids just play together. I validate what you're doing. Sometimes it does feel like everybody else is just going from activity to activity, but you don't have to do that if you don't want.

A pp from above. It is amazing that it can be hard. You tell yourself not overscheduling works for your family, and then when someone asks if your child has taken "X, Y, and Z" class and you say no, they look at you like you just said you hit your child on a normal basis. And I have people telling me if my son doesn't start soccer by age 4, he'll never catch up. I sometimes feel like all the "kids must be in every activity" is like a giant vacuum trying to suck me in. My son is even in a preschool that emphasizes free play, don't overschedule kids, and the parents there are always talking about going from class to class on weekends. It's hard not to get pulled in.

I don't think the OP was complaining about lack of time, but more the pull of this area to be constantly busy and scheduled and she is realizing her family is not happy being so overly scheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:14 here. And we do a lot of just hanging around the house while my kids just play together. I validate what you're doing. Sometimes it does feel like everybody else is just going from activity to activity, but you don't have to do that if you don't want.

A pp from above. It is amazing that it can be hard. You tell yourself not overscheduling works for your family, and then when someone asks if your child has taken "X, Y, and Z" class and you say no, they look at you like you just said you hit your child on a normal basis. And I have people telling me if my son doesn't start soccer by age 4, he'll never catch up. I sometimes feel like all the "kids must be in every activity" is like a giant vacuum trying to suck me in. My son is even in a preschool that emphasizes free play, don't overschedule kids, and the parents there are always talking about going from class to class on weekends. It's hard not to get pulled in.

I don't think the OP was complaining about lack of time, but more the pull of this area to be constantly busy and scheduled and she is realizing her family is not happy being so overly scheduled.

OP Here: You clearly said it better than I did. I am not complaining about lack of time. And I am sorry if the time I do have causes others to feel badly. I have played many roles in my life, and I have lived the up at 6 get the kids ready go to work 60 hours a week life too. It's really tough, so I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you make me laugh. Single parent here. I pry my kids out of bed at 6:30 to get them to school/daycare by 7 so I can work from 8 - 5 have them home by 6 and try to squeeze life in around that. A slower pace of life? Seriously? You sound like Cindy Crawford wishing she was prettier.

Love this. It couldn't be more true. OP is the classic example of someone who will never be satisfied or happy as she lives a truly charmed life.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps the problem is the big difference between your pre-2pm schedule and post-2pm schedule? Going from little to do to frantically running around can be a shock to the system.

Other than that, I think there's no right or wrong answer if you're looking for that. Some people find that planned activities work well for their kids and family. Some don't. There are many varied households out there. No need to compare yourself - just do what makes you and your family happy.

I think some people don't want to have regrets about their kids not doing something they may enjoy as an adult. I'm a musician and would love to give my kids that gift ... but it means carting them around lessons and ensembles, etc. Then, to be balanced, I'd like them to do some sport (which I didn't). More carting around. But ... if they don't like it or the family isn't happy, we'll stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you make me laugh. Single parent here. I pry my kids out of bed at 6:30 to get them to school/daycare by 7 so I can work from 8 - 5 have them home by 6 and try to squeeze life in around that. A slower pace of life? Seriously? You sound like Cindy Crawford wishing she was prettier.

Love this. It couldn't be more true. OP is the classic example of someone who will never be satisfied or happy as she lives a truly charmed life.

Wow-- really mean. What do you know about my life? That I am a SAHM? Shocking, really shocking. I am satisfied, and happy. Does that bother you? It must. I also am interested in ideas about people who have made decisions to have a slower pace of family life. That was the reason for the post. I cannot even imagine responding like this, so to the unhappy comment, I think you might need to think about who is projecting unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think some people don't want to have regrets about their kids not doing something they may enjoy as an adult. I'm a musician and would love to give my kids that gift ... but it means carting them around lessons and ensembles, etc. Then, to be balanced, I'd like them to do some sport (which I didn't). More carting around. But ... if they don't like it or the family isn't happy, we'll stop.

My mom was a musician and carted me to 7 years of piano lessons. I hated it and had no talent for it. Luckily she was uninterested in sports and didn't force that issue. I chose my own hobby and devoted myself to it, and still do it on a semi-professional level today. I am so glad I wasn't forced into a sport just because it was supposed to be good for me.

My unorthodox down time sure didn't hurt me in the long run. Because it was unusual, it made for a great personal essay on applications. I ended up at a top 3 law school, largely based on that and my GPA since my LSATs were good but nothing to write home about.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get what you're saying. I really do. I think you and I may have traded emails awhile back, and discussed getting together. . . .

Don't take posts like 11:12 to heart. I think there are a lot of reflexive posts on DCUM that are hurtful and based on projections (and I've been guilty of some of those myself, and I regret that for many reasons). Don't let those posts shut down discussion here, or shut you down. The examined life really is of value. . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you make me laugh. Single parent here. I pry my kids out of bed at 6:30 to get them to school/daycare by 7 so I can work from 8 - 5 have them home by 6 and try to squeeze life in around that. A slower pace of life? Seriously? You sound like Cindy Crawford wishing she was prettier.

Love this. It couldn't be more true. OP is the classic example of someone who will never be satisfied or happy as she lives a truly charmed life.

I disagree. I think you aren't getting what the OP is talking about, which is the desire to do more family-centric activities vice carting the kids one one activity after another. And yes, there is pressure (at least in this area) to do those activities; certainly you can choose not to participate, but that is at the expense of your kids' perceived wants -- you have to somehow convince your kids that they don't necessarily need those activities, or that family activities are more important. It's funny, I got into a huge fight with my sister because I announced that I was going to try really hard not to get my son into club soccer -- that I didn't want our weekends consumed with travel. She thought I was practically committing child abuse.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you don't want a life filled with scheduled activities -- then don't schedule activities! I don't really see what the problem is. Yes, people who are on the opposite spectrum may give you odd looks because of it, but honestly, who cares? They are not the ones who have to live your life. My 4 year old goes to preschool for 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. I think that is PLENTY of activity for a kid that age. Most of his classmates do 2 or 3 outside activities as well. We choose not to. Each family decides what is best for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Don't take posts like 11:12 to heart. I think there are a lot of reflexive posts on DCUM that are hurtful and based on projections (and I've been guilty of some of those myself, and I regret that for many reasons). Don't let those posts shut down discussion here, or shut you down. The examined life really is of value. . . .

Agreed. OP, don't let the mean posters (who are obviously bitter and unhappy) get to you.

Good for you for recognizing something that needs to be changed, and trying to do so.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is complaining about the pressure she gets from other parents who think she should be driving kids all over the place from one class lesson activity to another. DD has a friend who plays soccer, softball, swims, plays piano and flute, plus girl scouts. It seems crazy to me, but her parents think it's all necessary. Even this child's playdates are full of activities (going bowling, to a museum, to a movie), which my DD loves, but I'd never do.

I think music lessons and swimming are essential, but everything else is optional. I told my kids they have to take music lessons until they are 16, and then they can quit. To me, not learning how to play an instrument is the equivalent of not learning how to read. But those are my values.

OP, I hear you about running around after school making everyone crazy. We have one afternoon a week with no activities, and the kids love it. We just go home and hang out. Wheeee!

I have to say, however, that the grass is always greener.... I've been a SAHM for 12 years and I'd like to go back to work, even if it means the up at 6, kids to school at 7 routine. Too much time on your hands can be boring and stressful, not relaxing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get what you're saying. I really do. I think you and I may have traded emails awhile back, and discussed getting together. . . .

Don't take posts like 11:12 to heart. I think there are a lot of reflexive posts on DCUM that are hurtful and based on projections (and I've been guilty of some of those myself, and I regret that for many reasons). Don't let those posts shut down discussion here, or shut you down. The examined life really is of value. . . .

OP Here. Thanks. I guess I was unprepared for the attacks, but I shouldn't react. Thanks for your note.

[Anonymous]

I have been thinking about this quite a bit too. Found a good site: slowfamilyparenting.com