Teens Not Talking about College

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. It is 100% ok for adults to ask seniors about college. And it is 100% ok for kids to say they have no idea. These questions have been asked for decades. It is only now that kids feel uncomfortable. Which is so funny because they aren’t private any longer. Their Snaps and Instas are filled with every aspect of their teen life but this somehow crosses the line? Please.

A PP made an interesting point about Gen Z and privacy. This just isn’t true anymore. People in their 20s and 30s overshare on social media. Teens use theirs to present a faux image of themselves and almost never actually share things about themselves except for on private Snapchat stories with no more friends than would be at a large sleepover party.

As the PP with 5 teens — um that is a no. Sure it is in their “private” story so they only send it out to their 400 closest friends (either in a group or individually to keep up their streaks). They are private from adults but over sharing with their “friends”— who May be the kid they just met at the gas station and happened to be cute/hot.

[Anonymous]

Parents need to talk to the kids about college because the school they attend need the parents to pay for everything. Need to be open about your finance and the cost of Attending an expansive private college vs a public in state school.
If your students have to apply for a loan, or scholarship, Or work to pay some the the tuition, they need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents need to talk to the kids about college because the school they attend need the parents to pay for everything. Need to be open about your finance and the cost of Attending an expansive private college vs a public in state school.
If your students have to apply for a loan, or scholarship, Or work to pay some the the tuition, they need to know.

Correct. This thread is about kids discussing college with their friends. Keep in mind that not all kids are in circles in which they’re applying to selective colleges.

[Anonymous]

I think it is fine that your DD doesn’t want to disclose her choices. People tend to critique your choices and she isn’t comfortable. Go teen DD! As for teachers and GC, if they are writing a recommendation, then she needs to make her choices known. These teachers are trying to be helpful. Good luck to her.

[Anonymous]

My son wound up at Stanford and never wanted to talk about college. His father and I literally had to ambush him and say "We are setting a timer for 10 minutes to talk about college and after that we will give you ice cream" to get him to laugh and then talk. Knowing the talk would end soon seemed to take the pressure off.

[Anonymous]

My DS, a rising senior, also gets a lot of "oh where do you want to go to college?" from adults. Which I get, I enjoy asking this same question, but I also just listen and don't feel compelled to give advice to other kids about their college considerations. Where so many of the adults in our sphere feel the need to do the opposite.

"Oh no state schools? You really should look at such and such state school, my daughter went there and I only paid x number of dollars."

"Why so far away?"

"Wow, that sounds expensive/hard to get into".

"Have you looked at ________?"

"Wow, that's a long list. Why not go to community college and save money?"

As for talking with peers, this just isn't something he and his friends discuss. They have a thousand other things to talk about. Thankfully he's fine with discussing with his counselor, who has been wonderful with actual, informed advice and direction.

[Anonymous]

I am somewhat relieved to read this thread as I came here this morning with the intent to ask this exact same question!

Our DS a rising senior doesn't want to speak to us his parents or anyone else. He has pretty decent academics and a top SAT score, we think he can get into almost any college he wants except the Ivies and Top 20 could be a reach. We are happy for him to get in nearly anywhere other than something that isn't below his reach. We are afraid he is selling himself low, because whenever the question comes up he says "Oh I'll just go somewhere, may be just VT". We think VT is a fine school and as VA residents cost is very low, but we think he can do better, but he won't talk about it.

We gave him a college counselor lately who had come up with a list of colleges that includes 10-12 that includes a few in top 20. But after the first couple of meetings, he isn't showing interest in following up with them either. Although he didn't refuse outright working with them. We were hoping since he won't share with us, we'll give him someone else to work with him independently while we stay out of it. We have no idea if he speaks to his friends or not, as as communication is through phone/social media.

After reading this thread I feel we aren't alone and hopefully it will all turn around for good.

[Anonymous]

I can’t get past how you refer to “giving him people.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t get past how you refer to “giving him people.”

NP. Who pooped in your Cheerios?

[Anonymous]

Given how the parents discuss things in this forum, if you were a teen would you want to discuss colleges with your parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's smart to keep it private. I went to a top private school, and it's very stressful, and there will be a lot of friends who are devastated by not getting into specific places. I remember one girl who wore a Cornell hat after she got in early admission and I never respected her again. Your support/celebration with her will be enough, and as things settle in/get less raw after the admissions cycle she'll talk more about plans for school with her friends.

As for the counselor, I don't remember forming much of a relationship with that person - why would I? I didn't know them.

This is just one of the things about being in a high-pressure, top college prep school. Let her navigate it.

🙄 Cornell girl doesn't give a crap whether you respect her or not. Some kids do talk about college, especially after apps are submitted. Many kids are very humble. DS's public HS Valedictorian admitted to Yale. Her speech was humble, not preachy. She admitted to only striving for the destination without enjoying the journey. She described it as a series of hurdles without taking time to relish the successful moments because she had to charge toward the next hurdle. She regrets it and while she's honored to attend, this is her greatest regret. She went on to say that her greatest accomplishment was not listening to the one person who told her not to apply, it was unlikely she'd be accepted. Imagine that!

My son is a junior and said she is an incredibly nice girl. Students were roaring in the halls when she told them the following day.

Others acceptances: Georgetown, Smith, Amherst, Columbia, Barnard, NYU (multiple kids), GT, Caltech (2 kids), Carnegie Mellon, Cornell, UCs and many great schools.

[Anonymous]

We are experiencing all the same with our rising senior. With his spring sports schedule he was not scheduled to take sat until June. I don’t know when he should take it now? And now he wants to only look at schools that are going test optional. What should we do? Is anyone else in same place or have all rising seniors already taken the sat? Now I hear rising juniors are taking all sat spots. He was hoping his sport would give him in at certain schools now we don’t know if there will even be sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS, a rising senior, also gets a lot of "oh where do you want to go to college?" from adults. Which I get, I enjoy asking this same question, but I also just listen and don't feel compelled to give advice to other kids about their college considerations. Where so many of the adults in our sphere feel the need to do the opposite.

"Oh no state schools? You really should look at such and such state school, my daughter went there and I only paid x number of dollars."

"Why so far away?"

"Wow, that sounds expensive/hard to get into".

"Have you looked at ________?"

"Wow, that's a long list. Why not go to community college and save money?"

As for talking with peers, this just isn't something he and his friends discuss. They have a thousand other things to talk about. Thankfully he's fine with discussing with his counselor, who has been wonderful with actual, informed advice and direction.

I am an adult who sometimes comments on college choices. I think it’s OK to say “have you look at...?” if there is a connection in some way with what’s been already mentioned. Also, I always mention schools that give merit money, if they are somehow relevant to the list, just because this is the kind of information the schools themselves often do not publicize on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are experiencing all the same with our rising senior. With his spring sports schedule he was not scheduled to take sat until June. I don’t know when he should take it now? And now he wants to only look at schools that are going test optional. What should we do? Is anyone else in same place or have all rising seniors already taken the sat? Now I hear rising juniors are taking all sat spots. He was hoping his sport would give him in at certain schools now we don’t know if there will even be sports.

If it’s d1 or D20’s he needs to take the act or sat unless the NCAA waived the standardized testing requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are experiencing all the same with our rising senior. With his spring sports schedule he was not scheduled to take sat until June. I don’t know when he should take it now? And now he wants to only look at schools that are going test optional. What should we do? Is anyone else in same place or have all rising seniors already taken the sat? Now I hear rising juniors are taking all sat spots. He was hoping his sport would give him in at certain schools now we don’t know if there will even be sports.

I thought rising seniors had priority for upcoming SATs? But check with your school, they may be offering an in-school SAT in the Fall. Ours is.

And for the sport, if he's not already in touch with coaches and they've expressed interest in him, I wouldn't count on that angle. You have to do that leg work.